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  1. 5 Words To Your Perpetrator

    My god, how could you?
  2. Joining again

    Welcome back!!
  3. 5 Words To Your Perpetrator

    You knew and went ahead.
  4. Nervous newbie

    @VintagePanda Hi and welcome! I think you'll find a lot of really good support here. I've only been here a few days myself and the other members have been amazing. I was terrified of counseling too, I thought it would make it hurt more to work through what happened, but I couldn't have been more wrong. It was painful, I won't lie, but it wasn't nearly as painful as keeping it all in and letting it rot me from the inside out. I'm not trying to push it on you or rush you into something you're not ready for, all I'm saying is that when you feel ready, it really is nothing to be afraid of, especially not compared to what you've been through and are going through now. In the meantime, you have all of us anytime you need us Feel free to message me whenever you want should you ever feel the need. I can't promise I'll see it right away, but I can promise that I'll respond as soon as I do.
  5. I'm new (at least as of yesterday)

    @MeBeMary Thanks for the warm welcome and I look forward to seeing you around the forums
  6. I'm new (at least as of yesterday)

    @Struggling88 Hi and thank you!
  7. I'm new (at least as of yesterday)

    @BraveOne Yep. I talked about it a little, but I had such a fear of not being believed because of how it happened that I didn't bring it up unless something happened to bring it up for me, so for the most part I had it stuffed for about 13 years. I wasn't even sure I had a right to be upset because the next day the guy claimed I consented and just didn't remember. I was very drunk, and while I suspected I was drugged I couldn't figure out with what for a very long time. Alcohol on its own does not cause paralysis like that, but none of the drugs I was ever warned about fit either. There was another girl that had left me in the room with him, I thought she knew more than she was admitting, and after I threatened to go to the police to get to the bottom of it, all of a sudden she also claimed I had consented. Years went by, I was mostly ok, had it sealed off tight, and then a dear friend of mine died. I made it through that, but I didn't have the emotional strength to keep a lock on what had happened like I had been and the lid blew off. Panic attacks, uncontrollable crying jags, hypervigilance, sleep issues, the whole nine yards. The upside was that by then the internet had grown and I was finally able to do the research I needed to to get answers about what had happened to me, what had caused me not to be able to fight him off. I wasn't sleeping, I would sit at my computer for hours searching, and eventually I found what I needed. Having a solid explanation made me a lot more willing to talk about it and I finally went and found a therapist. I was diagnosed with delayed onset PTSD, and while I've come a long way and done a lot of work to learn how to cope with my triggers and such, I still feel I have more work to do so here I am.
  8. I'm new (at least as of yesterday)

    @BraveOne Thank you!! I appreciate you saying all that, but it really isn't all that brave, at least not for me. The ones that floor me are the ones that have never told anyone before. Believe me, I've talked it to death with trusted loved ones and a therapist over the years, so discussing it isn't anything new although I've gone into a lot more detail in my posts than I normally do in person. Sharing it with perfect strangers who actually know where I'm coming from and who I "get" in return is new for me, though. I've wound up writing a lot more than I meant to, but hopefully someone will see it and something will click for them about their situation.
  9. I'm new (at least as of yesterday)

    @Capulet Wow, you're the second person I've met here whose experience was in '96. It's incredible how it lingers, isn't it? Right about the time you think you've gotten it resolved it comes right back in a vicious cycle. I'm so sorry for what you went through. Thanks so much for helping to provide this forum for so many that need it. It takes a lot of strength to channel it into something so positive to help others heal. All the best on your healing process as well!
  10. I'm new (at least as of yesterday)

    @goldraindrops, Thanks! Someone on Reddit recommended you all and I'm so glad I checked it out. It's been really good for me so far. Thanks for all your work here.
  11. I have no idea what to say here, but here goes anyway. I became an active member yesterday. I'm here because I was assaulted by someone I thought I could trust back in 1996, and I'm trying to work through the remaining trauma. I posted what happened in Share Your Story, the Date/Acquaintance thread, and the Drugged Sexual Assault thread, and everyone I've encountered so far has been amazingly kind and supportive. I hope I can be the same for some of you. I was dosed with what was ketamine as near as I can tell from research and medical professionals, and one of the effects that it has in high doses is paralysis. I was conscious for the whole thing but couldn't move or communicate, and there was no amnesia the next morning. From what I've read, that is fairly uncommon when the person is drugged, so it's been difficult to find others that went through exactly what I did. Having that connection is important insofar as feeling less alone, and I've found a few others on here already, but if what I'm saying sounds similar to what you experienced (or even if it doesn't) and you want to talk, please don't hesitate to reach out. Thanks for the welcome I've gotten so far. I am so glad this site was recommended to me as it's already doing some good. Thanks all.