I have always been afraid to speak of my mistreatment. I carried it around with me because I was always told it was my fault. Everyone always told me who I was, I never had the chance to myself. So I have stayed silent. I took the pain and turned it into a smile. This smile wasn't just an ordinary smile, there were many elements to it. Confusion, fear, anger, sadness, hopelessness... It felt like the weight of the world and I felt it all alone. I also felt happiness. I felt it when I felt the warmth of my mothers hugs. I felt it when my friends told a joke and made me laugh until my ab musucle