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About sammi35

  • Birthday 05/20/1997

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    Omaha, Nebraska

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  1. sammi35

    Do you remember?

    Today I read about an interesting idea, brought to my attention by a member of the site. Lost memories are very real to many of us. I know it's real for me. I sense that I was sexually abused more than I remember. I only recall 3 instances, but those 3 instances are all I remember from the time I was 12 until I was 15. This member said.. even if you don't remember, the body does. The body knows what happened and it's stored away deep inside our brains. Our body does this to protect us from those things we can't remember. It's a coping mechanism. Because of this, through therapies or meditation, can we actually gain those memories back? I spend hours online trying to remember my teenage life. I know the memories aren't going to be positive, but I want to know what's happened to me. I have the right to know. I can't forget until I know. Have you undergone any techniques to remember lost memories?
  2. sammi35

    How do you feel today?

    Thank you much I hope your better days continue for you.
  3. Every day is different. Some days, I feel unbreakable. My abuse doesn't cross my mind, not once. Other days, I am able to ignore the increasing urge to google his name.. until it comes time to go to sleep. Then I lie awake, and obsessively research the man who took my childhood from me. Then there are the emotional days. I take several trips into the bathroom, where i cry into my dogs soft fur, wash my face, and don't say a word to anyone. Today, was different. It was my third day back to work in 7 months.. I felt dumb. I felt dead. I didn't feel anything at all. I just stared at the wall and prayed no one would ask if I was okay. How did you feel today?
  4. Welcome. Telling your loved ones is very difficult. You're vulnerable, once again. That's the last thing many of us want to feel. My boyfriend also didn't take the truth of my abuse well. I think men process things differently. He doesn't want to think of you going through those things. That's hard for someone to hear. You just have to let them process it. Take any time you can when the two of you are relaxed and alone to tell him what you need to tell him. He doesn't necessarily need all the details and he probably won't want them. But you can tell him how you feel now. He should be supportive, it's one of his duties as a husband. I know I, as well as the rest of the members here would be more than willing to help support you through your journey. We all understand you here.
  5. I'm 19 years old, my sexual abuse happened some time in my early teens, I can't remember exactly. My mom was/is a pretty severe alcoholic. Our neighbor and my her were pretty constistent casual sex partners. Anyway, my mom would invite him over late at night. She would pass out, and he was free to roam my house as he pleased. If it wasn't one of those nights, she would send me to his house to ask to borrow something.. I only remember a few instances in detail. However, those events i do remember are constantly playing through my head. A few years later, I was raped by a coworker. I'm here because all my life, I've been told the things that happened to me were my fault. By my mom, my grandma, evem by boyfriend. Whenever I tell the truth about my past, I get blamed in some way. Because I wasn't a child. I was somewhere between 13 and 15 years old.. apparently I knew what message I was sending when I put on a tank top and shorts. I suffer severe anxiety. I also believe I am suffering PTSD.. I'm here because my anxiety is stopping me from seeking help. I'm terrified of talking on the phone. I'm terrified of talking to strangers face to face. I want to find therapy. I want to be better. I can't even hold a job anymore because my life is consumed by the effects of my childhood. I'm hoping to meet some supportive indiciduals who can tell me how they did it. How do you get past this. I feel stuck. I know what I need to do, but I'm scared to do it.
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