jumpy

Thank you all very much! It was a pretty rough week for me, I finally, after decades, talked about all of this with a professional. And I won't say it was comfortable - I felt more freaked out by the whole thing right after talking than I did before, and wondered if I had made a huge mistake, should I have just shut up, not think about this, put them all back in their boxes and tape them up tight so I won't look at them again. I've been feeling very shaky for the last few days, but, it's getting better. I am angry that it happened, I am angry that when I asked for help it only got worse..

I was abused by other males when I was pretty young (grade-school age) and I am still struggling to accept that it was actually wrong, it wasn't my fault, and it hurt me, and I when I tried to get help it made it worse. The memories are a lot more painful when they come back all at once and I look at them with my adult understanding of the world. It's really overwhelming. What do I do now?