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About amykat

  • Rank
    Help me become the person my dog thinks I am
  • Birthday 01/07/1971

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    Some Place Safe
  • Interests
    computers, web design, journaling, dogs, dog training, pit bulls, pit bull rescue, VA dog fighting coalition, reading, gardening, meditation, finding peace somewhere in this crazy hateful world

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  1. amykat

    Back Again

    Thanks for the warm welcome and support. it is comforting to be back
  2. Hi Everyone, I've been gone for a while, a really long while and have come back. I see some familiar people and am both glad and sad to see so many new ones.
  3. I have accepted it and I am working towards incorporation and all that it means. To incorporate what happened into who I am and accept what it did to me emotionally and physically, to acknowledge it and be Ok with myself and who I have become. Understanding that I am a work in progress and will continue to improve and the sky is the limit to who I can become. That doesn't mean I am Ok with what happened or that I wanted it to happen but just that it did and I feel good about myself knowing I did the best that I could at the time. It takes a while to get to that point. That to me is what acceptance means. That I know what happened - I am able to admit it to myself and to the rest of the world and not be ashamed because I have nothing to be ashamed of. I like what you wrote in your first post, it is ugly and horrible but to work through it, I think we have to admit first that it happened, really admit it....YES, I was RAPED! and it HURT ME! I accept that my inaction after the first rape allowed him to feel bold enough to come back and do it again. Dwelling on it is not going to help me recover. I am a survivor and I will be OK. I know that it wasn't my fault, I did the best that I could at the time with all of the knowledge I had at the time and the feelings I was experiencing at the time. I forgive myself for whatever I think I should have done and didn't. Truthfully though, I do not need that forgiveness from myself because - I did nothing wrong! I am a beautiful person with a beautiful soul (just as we all are). I accept that it happened and I accept that worrying and replaying is not going to help me, thinking about what I could have, should have and would have done if *i had known better* does nothing to help me heal. It only hinders my progress, keeps me trapped in a cycle of misery. When we think about what happened we need to think about it in terms of finality. It happened, it freaking sucked and was terrible but there is nothing in the world that is going to change it. The only thing we can change is ourselves. How we view what happened to us and how we learn to incorporate the experience into who we are. We have the rare opportunity to rebuild ourselves from the ashes of who we were. We can take this opportunity and make the best of it or we can not, this is something that belongs to each and every one of us. I will not run any more. I am thankful that I am alive today, I am grateful that I survived him. I am proud of who I am. Life is precious and I deserve to have it. I have good days and I have bad days (oh boy do I have bad ones once in a while) and the good days will eventually outnumber the bad days (I think they already do). I am grateful that this has given me compassion that I may not have had, understanding for the pain that others may feel. It has given me the opportunity to reach out and help others, maybe, just maybe my experience and sharing that experience can save another from the pain that I faced. That would truly be a blessing, if I could know that I helped another or better, saved them from something horrible. Maybe that's a way I feel I need to attone for my inaction, letting my rapist go off scott free so that he can continue to hurt another and another, and another. I feel a little bit of guilt for that but only a little and I am working through that. I simply did the best I could - we can ask no more or no less of another, why would I ask that of myself. I have resolved that I will come forward if I hear of him being charged and that is the best that I can do right now.
  4. Welcome to AS, I hope you find what you need here.
  5. Welcome to AS, I hope you find what you need
  6. Welcome to AS, I hope you find healing here. To answer your questions, I would direct you to a rape crisis line to determine what's next as far as your options are concerned.
  7. Welcome to AS, I hope you can find some healing here.
  8. amykat


    Welcome to AS
  9. secondary survivors have access to more than just the public stuff but not the strictly member stuff right?
  10. Welcome to AS, this is a safe place to share
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