[An Introduction to the life I didn't choose....]

You are so brave to tell your story.  I'm really proud of you. I think this is the safest site to heal and tell your story. Welcome. I am so sorry for what you have been through. I can see how you would have trust issues. You leave your house to finally be safe then get abused again :(. I have anger issues and nightmares too. Do you get therapy for PTSD? That could help. I like it here because I hate being in a room alone with therapists. god your dad, step dad, those evil monster guys, and the others. Your voice is heard here. They didn't care about your voice but I do. 

[my story]

15 hours ago, AVI said:

i decided to give a guy a chance to show me that someone can be supportive and that love exists after he convinced me to get in a relationship with him... it all ended badly and it was an emotionally abusive relationship with him blaming me.....

 

i have a dog too and i too think that animal therapy is the best.. i have decided to live life alone with just dogs as company i don't know if thats the right decision .. my friends say it isn't as there is love in the world but i don't think i would be able to take another abuse if it happens .. marriage and relationships scare me... especially with the idea of having a husband .. i don't want anyone else to suffer as this is going to be a long fight with me trying to convince myself that its ok... plus i feel i don't deserve to be happy .. ever ...

Im so sorry. I feel pretty similarly. Its like I'm a-sexual now or something? I really don't trust people. I have a hard time connecting with others. I have cut out so many people in my life because they victim blamed me. I wish I never told them about  being raped. Its been so painful the lack of support and blame. It has crushed me. One time I was reading that trust has more to do with how much you trust yourself to put up boundaries than how trustworthy someone is. its hard for me to tell if my boundaries are being violated. A good rule of thumb is to pay attention to how you feel. If you feel like something isn't right, angry, sad, or mad, its a sign something needs to change and you need to be in a safe environment. 

[my story]

I am so sorry avi. You are not worthless. People judge me and think I am. I love having a therapy animal because he will never judge me. unless I don't feed him on time! lol. I'm so sorry people mentally tortured you, and emotionally abused you. feel the same as this post...i don't understand how people can b so cruel. y?????????

TW my mom was raped when she was 4. they victim blame her. her maid also called her a pig. They think she was a sl*t and that she was wearing stockings that were not high enough. Who thinks this?????? Is it Denial? I can't figure it out. why do people hurt us so badly. 

[I'm Tired of Pleasing EVERYBODY!]

I feel this way right now and have for years.  its so hard when people don't understand. sometimes i feel like i can only communicate with other people that understand. I have heard of the phrase "I am enough". When someone starts asking nosy questions or acting like you are able to do things you can't you can say "why do you ask?" or what makes you say that?. they THEY have to answer a question instead of you. it shuts people up. I have used it a lot. but yeah i feel guilt for not seeing my family. but i am running on empty and i get punished for it. its so hard. Yeah if people are rude  i get triggered very badly. Yeah i hate sleeping in the same room as other people.