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Iheartcupcakes

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Status Updates posted by Iheartcupcakes

  1. If you pray, please pray for me. If you don’t, I’ll take anything positive you can spare. I am going through something right now that compares with my trauma that brought me here nearly 7 years ago (different). I. Am. TIRED. I feel like I have nothing left. Life has dealt me 40 years of loss and trauma and I am WORN. OUT. Happily ever afters are apparently for people other than me. 

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Finchy

      Finchy

      I'm so sorry for what you're going through right now, Amy. We're all here for you. I will keep you in my prayers. Sending you lots of love and support. ❤️ 

    3. snmls

      snmls

      I'm sorry that you are struggling at the moment. Sending you all the love and support I can. I'll be thinking of you. 

    4. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      Sitting with you. Sending positive and healing vibes, my friend. :throb: 

      You are deserving of a happily ever after. It angers me that the someone who treated you badly makes you feel this way. Be patient with yourself and know you truly deserve happiness. 

      Sending safe hugs. :console: 

  2. I have my post-op appointment at 1:30 EST. I’m afraid of knowing all the details. My fiancé gave me a glossed over version after I woke up. He and the OBGYN didn’t want me too upset right after surgery. 

    I’ll be seeing multiple pics of my internal organs/endometriosis. We’ll discuss the future and treatment options. They did a biopsy. Today I get all the info. 

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. AngelasAshes

      AngelasAshes

      Praying for you 💗💗

    3. Finchy

      Finchy

      How did it go? Sitting with you, Amy. ❤️ 

    4. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      Thank you all so much. 

      It went okay. I’ll post so all of that info isn’t public. ❤️

  3. All moved and settling in. I’m very happy with my loves…my SO and his 7-year-old son. My dog is adjusting but it’s been a little bumpy. Since he witnessed my trauma he’s obsessively protective of me. He’s nipped SO. We’re working on it. I like NC so far.

    Still no activity in the rule 37 petition. Oh well. 

    Very busy being a stay-at-home mom for the time being. I love it. To those of you who are SAHM’s or moms who also work…you’re AMAZING. I’m busier now than when I worked full time! 

    Love to you all ❤️

     

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. MzKeys75

      MzKeys75

      Soak up the happy! (((Hugs)))

    3. Finchy

      Finchy

      Wishing you all the best with all of this wonderful newness in your life!! ❤️ You're doing awesome. So happy for you. ❤️ 

    4. goldraindrops

      goldraindrops

      Congratulations.  Wishing you lots of happiness in your new roles and home.  ❤️

  4. Remember, my loves, that healing is layered....not linear. :tealribbon:

    1. MeBeMary
    2. Finchy
    3. snmls

      snmls

      Always have to remind myself of that. 

  5. I love you all 💙💚🎗

    E51F36B5-147B-49B7-AC1C-0C0340BBE98A.jpeg

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Capulet

      Capulet

      We love you, Amy. ❤️ 

    3. MeBeMary
    4. Angel_12

      Angel_12

      I needed to see this. Thank you for posting it. ❤️

  6. Heard from the DA yesterday. The judge actually talked about a hearing for the monster's petition not being necessary!!!! He could just deny it and it would be OVER! I am praying this happens. No hearing, no more anything. Just OVER. 

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      Thank you so much @Field8 @MeBeMary @AngelasAshes and @Capulet. I am really hopeful. I told my T last night that this is the first time since it happened that I feel like I might be on the other side of it. 

    3. Finchy

      Finchy

      Seriously hoping the best for you that this will happen, and it will be over! Crossing fingers and toes! ❤️ 

    4. Iheartcupcakes
  7. I have been here before. Heck I have been here for SIX YEARS, to be exact. Clearly I am no stranger to waiting and being at the mercy of others 😡 So WHY do I feel like climbing the walls and screaming because nothing has been done on this last petition of the monster's??? The freaking judge has had since DECEMBER to set a hearing date. Has he? Well of course not. I have followed up with his office (they won't talk to little old me) AND the prosecutor. I am SO OVER THIS! Set a damn date already and let's bury this, please!!

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Field8
    3. WannaMoveOn

      WannaMoveOn

      Hate when they do this. Sitting if ok?

    4. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      Thank you all. I have yet to hear back from the DA. 

  8. Six years ago tonight and tomorrow. Six years. I cannot believe what I lived  through. Last night was rough and tonight will be even worse. I can’t believe what happened to me…

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Whisper

      Whisper

      Thinking of you and sending you hugs. I can't believe what you went through either and traumaversaries suck, but you survived, you put your rapist in prison and gave an eloquent and awesome victim impact statement, you are healing, and you are doing so much to help others. Not to mention how incredibly focused you were not only on doing what you had to do to survive that night, but also on ensuring that your rapist would be caught. You are an amazing and incredibly strong woman and that hasn't changed. :hug:  :throb: 

    3. snmls

      snmls

      :throb::throb: It is also six years of survival, resilience, strength, bravery, and advocacy. I wish I could change each and everyone one of our pasts, but I'm so glad you are here. 

    4. waterlily13

      waterlily13

      I am late, but sitting with you if you need ❤️ You are so very strong and you inspire me every day ❤️ 

  9. It's a little ridiculous that I have a broken heart (relationship wasn't that long) but I do. Riding the wave, as my T puts it. It sucks. 💔

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. Mimi M.

      Mimi M.

      Awww, Im so sorry (hugs if comfortable). Been through that a couple times. In my case, the rejection hurt so bad, and just when I was staring to like them too 😥 So heart breaking.

      Sounds like your heart is pure and unlocked; able to allow the possibility of letting love in. Hang in there precious one. Sitting with you.

      -Mimi

    3. Field8

      Field8

      Not at all!!!! You feel how you feel. Sitting with you.

    4. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      @Whisper Thank you. It did move fast. At first I was cautious and resistant. He somehow won me over. I haven't felt what I felt for him in a very long time, if ever. My boss said he knows why M moved so fast...he knew what a good thing he had. I guess not though...bc he threw me away pretty easily. 

      @mini.finch @MeBeMary @orangegiraffe thank you friends :hug:

      @Mimi M. I will. Thank you for the kind words. They helped. 

      @Field8 Thank you :throb:

  10. Things improve and there is a glimmer of hope and then BAM. The rug is yanked out from under me. I don't know if I have the energy to get up anymore. My SO's trauma plus mine (traumaversarys are next month for me) is overwhelming. And...it's mostly his. I am dealing really well with mine. Probably because I don't have any energy left to give to it....Hurting. Confused. Struggling. TIRED. 

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. waterlily13

      waterlily13

      Sending lots of comfort💙that sounds exhausting😢

    3. 8888

      8888

      Sending support.  :hug:if okay.

    4. Iheartcupcakes
  11. Really struggling right now. In a lot of pain. Can't seem to comfort myself. It's not my trauma but how my SO's is affecting me. Could use all the support. 

    1. Show previous comments  7 more
    2. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      @WannaMoveOn @Capulet @mini.finch @Field8 @AKB @MeBeMary @matts thank you all so much. I had a rough weekend, with missing him since I was supposed to be on my trip to visit him, but it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. He is really trying to be more present and be mindful of the way he is affecting me, and I appreciate it. But, I just want HIM to be okay. The traumaversary is Monday for him. 

    3. waterlily13

      waterlily13

      Sending you lots of love @Iheartcupcakes, that sounds so hard, hoping you are finding some comfort❤️

    4. Iheartcupcakes
  12. The appeal should be decided on Wednesday although that date is not firm. Fall is already hard for me. I am really feeling the depression. I am so happy with my partner, and I am going to see him soon. It's just hard to shake all of this. People tell me to focus on the future and not look back, but they have no idea how hard that is when the past keeps intruding and you have no control...be it the court system or with PTSD and depression....

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Capulet

      Capulet

      ❤️ 
      @Iheartcupcakes - I get it, it’s hard to focus on your future when your past is still a large part of it.  Whenever something new pops up, we cannot help but drag the past along with us because it’s always going to be present.  I am so glad your new beau is someone who will be glad to help you carry it.  I’m sorry the courts are dragging things out and giving you more to worry about; especially now.  I am always here if you need to vent. 💕  

    3. Field8

      Field8

      I’m so sorry. Sitting with you always.

    4. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      Thank you @MeBeMary and @Capulet for understanding so well. I would love nothing more than for this not to continue to affect me but that is just not realistic. Thankfully my partner has his own trauma and understands this. 

      Thank you so much @Field8 :throb:

  13. Loving our community. I am so glad to be a part of such an amazing group of people. We don't celebrate the reasons, but I do celebrate YOU. Love to you all :throb:

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. 8888

      8888

      Agreed!  💗

    3. orangegiraffe
    4. Angel_12

      Angel_12

      I agree! This is an awesome community filled with amazing people like you! ❤️

  14. So defeated. Just so much going on. It seems like there are issues in every area of my life. Feeling hopeless, unlovable, and not worth it. Don't know where to go from here. What is the point of continuing to work? For what? What kind of a future can I have? I feel like things keep not working out in all areas and it's just what is going to keep happening. I am so tired. I had a hard time sleeping last night and cried a lot. This morning I just want to sit at my desk and cry and wish I was home in bed. First off my boss started in on me assuming a big error that was made was mine (it was not) without even asking me about it first. Now I am trying not to take all of my pain out on my coworkers....Friday cannot come soon enough. I just want to hide away in my house this weekend. 

    1. Show previous comments  12 more
    2. Whisper
    3. waterlily13

      waterlily13

      Sending you lots of love, I hope you are feeling even a little better tonight, you are an amazing person and I know things will get better💙sitting with you as long as you need💙

    4. Iheartcupcakes
  15. My five-year AS-aversary was in March. I am so thankful that I found this community. I love you all so much! - Amy :throb:

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Finchy

      Finchy

      Happy AS-versary!! :hug:

    3. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      @Poppy_ thank you so much! I am thankful to know you too :throb: Lots of love back!

      @waterlily13 awww it makes me so happy to hear that. Thank you so much. I am blessed to know you as well!

      @Whisper it feels like forever, doesn't it?? ❤️

      @MeBeMary Yes! That is a great way of looking at it. I am grateful for your friendship!

      @mini.finch thank you!

      @snmls :throb:

    4. Angel_12

      Angel_12

      Happy AS-versary! Thank you for all you do for this community. You are an inspiration.

  16. Still waiting on appeal to be heard by the state Supreme Court. Could take months.....

    :hammer::ranting::protest:

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Mave

      Mave

      You’re welcome. You’re not alone. 💛

    3. goldraindrops

      goldraindrops

      I can't wait for all this to be over for you.  ❤️

    4. Whisper
  17. Struggling hard. So sorry. I may continue to be scarce until after this weekend when the 5th anniversary is. Love you all so much. Truly. 

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. Hoping8

      Hoping8

      Be scarce, or be plentiful. Whatever works for you at whatever moment you encounter. You have been on my mind. A lot.

    3. Dahliaa

      Dahliaa

      Sending you love and support as well :)

       

    4. goldraindrops

      goldraindrops

      I'm so sorry, Amy.  I know it's a rough time.  We're here for you.  :)

       

  18. Today is the day. The Supreme Court (of AR) gave The Monster's scumbag defense lawyers until today to file their writ of certiorari with them and you guessed it. There is NOTHING on the docket so far. They've had THREE YEARS to do this, and they can't even honor a two week-deadline given to them by a court that can sanction them, etc. They are unbelievable. If you have followed my story, you already know that. I just wonder how long this will be allowed to continue. I am tired. But, no one gives a you-know-what about me. Not the Court, not his lawyers, no one in the system. Victims don't get lawyers for themselves, and once a case has progressed to an appeal, the prosecutor is done. Once again, I am my own advocate. And, like I said, I am tired. 

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Whisper

      Whisper

      Sending you lots of love, hugs, and extra strength. I don't know what those morons are thinking. This is a hard time of year for you anyway and a horrible year for everyone, but remember that the monster is locked up and will not be able to spend the holidays with his family - nor will those wretched people be able to spend the holidays with him. :console:

    3. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      Thank you all so much. It turns out Walker filed something (not a writ of certiorari) on the 27th. Not sure what happens next. 

    4. abhaya

      abhaya

      Poop. I'm sorry this process is still continuing.  Sending you support and sitting with you in solidarity, if you would like.

  19. Nothing is helping. I felt a bit better after writing yesterday and posting it here, but I am still in a pit. I am at work trying to avoid everyone so that I don't take it out on them. I left my anxiety meds at home...but what good would they do anyway? I feel more depressed than anxious. I wish I was home with my dogs. But even then, I am still suffering. I have no idea what to do. 

    1. Show previous comments  7 more
    2. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      My stylist knows what I have been through but I didn't really want to talk about it. I just told her I was struggling. It turned out okay. I just wasn't in the mood. 

      Thank you so much @Field8 and @MeBeMary :throb:

    3. lexip

      lexip

      @Iheartcupcakes sitting with you ❤️ 

    4. Iheartcupcakes
  20. Today I have court.

    This time I am not the victim, but I am speaking for him. I am fostering a dog who has been abused and starved. I am a witness in the case against his owners and hopefully we will convict them of neglect and the dog will not be returned to them. They are fighting to get him back. 

    It is bringing up a lot. I have not been in court since my trial, which was three years ago (April 2017). Could use sitters and prayers/good vibes that the innocent dog gets justice and will not be returned to his abusers. I think we can all identify with that....

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. BrightSide

      BrightSide

      Im sorry I am late for support, I hope that it went well yesterday 💛

    3. goldraindrops

      goldraindrops

      That's so very good of you. I didn't see this till now, but you are doing a wonderful thing.

      I've said many times, it's hard for me to fathom somebody who can abuse a dog.  They are such wonderful little creatures, because their love for us is so pure and total.  To betray that is a horrible violation.  

      Are you able to share how it went?

    4. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      @MeBeMary @BrightSide @goldraindrops thank you so much. It did not go well and I am not okay, unfortunately. I posted about it in the Gathering Place. 

  21. I’m thinking of you all in these crazy times. I love my AS family ❤️

    It’s April which means it’s not only the anniversary of the trial but Sexual Assault Awareness Month. I’m usually running myself ragged doing things, but with social distancing and quarantine, it has cut it way down. I feel like that’s good and bad. I’m tired, and I get a break, but I don’t want people to not be involved. I don’t want the level of awareness to suffer.

    April 27 marks the third year since the monster was convicted and put away for life. It’s triggering but it’s on the back burner right now. My dad is fading fast 💔

    for those of you who don’t know he has terminal cancer and he has fought an amazing battle. He is in the 1% of survivors living 22 months with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. That is unheard of. But his time is drawing near and he does not want me to travel to be with him. I don’t understand even though a lot of people are telling me they do. It doesn’t feel good, but I am respecting his wishes. It’s been pretty rough. 

    also, one of my huge triggers is masks, hoodies, and otherwise covered faces, and I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this. In this pandemic people are wearing masks. They’re everywhere. I’m trying to normalize it but I feel like I’m being unhealthy and just putting it out of my mind and not dealing with it. I think I have too much going on. 

    How are you all holding up? 
     

    Love to all of my AS fam. 

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Field8
    3. snmls

      snmls

      Sending you love :throb:

    4. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      Thank you so much @MeBeMary ❤️ Maybe that’s it. 
       

      thank you @Field8 and @snmls ❤️

  22. All...I am in the midst of working on a shutdown for my school district. Before that, I was sick myself and home for a solid week with a low grade fever and respiratory/flu symptoms. I am better now, but we have no idea what my illness was. I am NOT saying I had COVID-19, but I was sick with something. Not having a diagnosis was scary. I am so sorry I have not been as present as I would like to be lately. It's been one thing after another lately. I am still here for you. I love AS and each of you. I just wanted to let you know what is going on. I am an "essential" employee, so I cannot go home and simply self-quarantine like everyone else. I will still be working, but hopefully, reduced hours. I pray you are all well and healthy, and managing anxiety and stress during this time. Love to you all :throb:

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. MeBeMary
    3. goldraindrops

      goldraindrops

      Stay safe and healthy.  We all love and appreciate you.

    4. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      @AKB uhhhh those sound AH-mazing!!! 😍

      Thank you all so much. AS is so very important to me. 

  23. Doing better with anxiety over my dad's terminal cancer. Going home to see him in 11 days. If you need me, I am here. You can always PM. I will always want to talk with you and support you. I love my AS family :throb:

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      We support you to, Amy. Big :hug:s to you. 

    3. waterlily13

      waterlily13

      Sending all the love and support your way:hug:if ok❤️

    4. MzKeys75

      MzKeys75

      I’m glad you are doing better with this. All the :throb:s!

  24. Thursday and Friday (the anniversary dates) are bearing down on me. My beloved little foster dog was adopted Sunday and although I have another, it always breaks my heart to let one go. I also got some news about my dad. He has terminal pancreatic cancer that spread to his lungs, which is the main issue. He has survived way longer than predicted, but now his lungs are giving out on him. He can barely breathe. Even with treatments, he says he feels like someone is standing on his chest. Work is overwhelming, holiday travel is too, and so much more. I am just feeling overwhelmed and EXHAUSTED. My body just flat wants to give up. I have no energy and I yawn all day and fight sleep. I just want to go to bed but I can't. I have deadlines to meet and no one else to do the work. Praying that the weekend comes soon and brings relief. Saturday I am going to the local shelter to take pictures of the dogs there for adoption to post and hopefully get them exposure so they will find homes. I know I will enjoy that. Thanksgiving week will be good, I hope. For the first time, the anniversaries are not near it, since Thanksgiving is later this year. I hope that means I can move on and feel better. 

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. Moongoddess

      Moongoddess

      Sending hugs your way, friend. :hug:

    3. lexip

      lexip

      That is a lot to deal with, but your so strong,  I know you will get through it (((AMY)))

    4. Iheartcupcakes
  25. We met our October donation goal! Thank you so much to everyone :throb: It is now November, and I know we can do it again if we all band together and do what we can do. You are all amazing!

    1. Mave

      Mave

      Woop! 🙌 Awesome sauce!

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