Jump to content

BabyDeepBlue

Member
  • Content count

    175
  • Joined

  • Last visited

3 Followers

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female

Previous Fields

  • MembershipType
    Survivor

Recent Profile Visitors

2,954 profile views
  1. I am good about giving other people advice and putting a smile on their face including in this forum. I guess it is because I been through so much and don’t want to see others hurt like I have. Sometimes I wish I would listen to my own advice when life throws me up against a brick wall like today when my ex mother in law wants my life to evolve around her and control me. I get so sick of it. Sometimes I want to give up because of what all is against me, but I have to keep going for my kiddos who I do love dearly. My kiddos are the ones who keep me going besides my personal beliefs in this life. :(

    1. LuthienTinuviel

      LuthienTinuviel

      :hug:if ok. im sorry you are hurting so much. controling people can be very scary

    2. BabyDeepBlue

      BabyDeepBlue

      Yes they can. 

      Thanks pretty lady! :hug:

  2. I just got attacked by some girl. 😢

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. BabyDeepBlue

      BabyDeepBlue

      Thanks so much. It means a lot to me.

    3. LuthienTinuviel

      LuthienTinuviel

      That's awful. I'm sorry :hug:if ok 

    4. Ian37

      Ian37

      You're welcome, Baby Deep Blue. Feel free to expand or vent as needed if you're comfortable doing so. No matter what, please know that there are those out there who care.

      :luck:

  3. I have only told people who I thought I could trust. I told a cousin of mine who was/is alot older than me, but it just made for some good gossip. I told a few people who I went to church with and they just basically told me to stop calling them and they did not want to deal with it. They could not even tell my grandparents or help me to tell them because I was too afraid to, but I was loved by them. I guess they didn't believe me. Where I went to school at the time, they had questioned it, but nothing ever came out of it. I never pressed charges as an adult because the state police had completely discouraged me at the time which at that point I was not strong enough mentally and emotionally to press charges. Now so much time has passed, I don't think it is even worth the energy to go through all of it again and I don't remember the details anyway for it to stand in court. Maybe in counseling it would come out. I have worked very hard to put the memories of my childhood completely as far away as possible. CPS kept looking at my mother for the the cause of my broken bones which is something that could be seen. They never suspected I was being sexually abused and raped as a minor. My other two predators, I couldn't identify them now even if I had to. Even if I were to press charges now, I would have no support from anyone. It would be too much for me to bare to face this monster on my own. I would also ruin the help my cousin gets from her father. Her father is the one who done the majority of it to me. In his eyes, he done nothing wrong, but it has destroyed my life.
  4. Not sure where this belongs, but hopefully it is in the right place. Sometimes i do get depressed, but it is not too often it happens and it is the same with the memories and triggers. I did something really brave over the weekend. I don't know what got into me to allow myself to do it. A co-worker who i will call P and I were talking. P told me that people don't talk about me to her and when they do, she takes up for me. I haven't had too many people to take up for me before. Little did I know what I was going to say. I told P in general I was bullied, taunted, raped, molested, and how my own mother was an alcoholic and told me how much she hated me. It isn't like I needed to tell P this to like me and I didn't want her to feel sorry for me either. I haven't even known P that long to trust her like that. I guess I am just tired of people talking smack. I told P the point of it which is for someone to talk crap, they better come up with something good and original because it has all been said and done before. I even told P to tell whoever was talking bad about me that. I also told P all that is left for someone to do to me is literally murder me, then it has all been done. I also apologized to P and said I don't even know why I told you that for and I should not have went there. P told me that it was ok. She also knows that I had a bad marriage because I do talk about my kids dad more than I should because he is a pain in my rear who is screwing up my son who is very smart, but chooses not to be. She is bound now to think i am crazy. LOL. Nah but P did say I have hardened my heart. I had to in order to survive and to keep from feeling. It probably helped to prevent me from committing suicide.
  5. I feel a little down.  It is kind of early in the year for me to feel like this.  Maybe it is because the holidays are coming up.  The only reason I really celebrate anything is because of my children.  Other than that, it is just a different day for me.  I have nothing to look forward to. My pawpaw's birthday has already passed. He passed away before Thanksgiving.  My uncle has been gone for just a little over a week.  My daddy's birthday is December 1st.  He has been gone now for 28 years now. I lost my mommaw on Christmas day.  My best friend in the whole world I lost New Years day at about 2 am.  The holidays hold nothing special for me.  I also wonder what my life would have been like if my daddy had not died.  I know I would not have been raped or molested or if I was, my daddy would have killed them.  My daddy and my best friend was my whole world.  Life is truly plain and simple a bit*h.

    1. LuthienTinuviel

      LuthienTinuviel

      (((hugs))) if okay.....

       

    2. BabyDeepBlue

      BabyDeepBlue

      It's okay. No worries. :)

  6. NO, I AM NOT SUICIDAL. I am just so wore out with life and its everyday problems. All life has ever handed me is a big bunch of pure crap. Nothing ever goes right. My problems make for a great gossip chain. I am so ready to just quit and give up. I am wore out with the heart breaks, failures, and everything in between. I am just plain tired. I really would not know how to act if I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth or I had an easy life or if I just had some minor problems. I don't even know why I try anymore.

    1. Annie7

      Annie7

      yeah i often feel like you do...life has been very challenging...and while others had it easy seemingly, i feel like it's just been a really hard journey and for what reason...sending comfort if ok for you

  7. I know after any type of abuse or assault, it is extremely difficult to move on. Somehow we have to move on from whatever life throws at us. I ran into this powerful video that counts for all of life's circumstances. We can either choose to truly live or we can just choose to exist with no life. A classmate of mine just recently passed away and I found this on his timeline.
  8. The more I deal with people, the more they make me sick.  A person I thought was a friend really screwed me over.  Then my aunt basically hung up on me because I was talking about my uncle who left my so called aunt.  I was a kid when this happened and also I had my own set of problems going on because at the time I was being raped over and over on at least a weekly basis.  The last thing my so called aunt said to me was that my sister and I were so and so's girlfriends.  Why should I hate someone when I don't know the circumstances behind it and he was good to me like an uncle should be and a so called aunt who was a bit*h to me?   My uncle is not blood.  Neither was the uncle who raped me repeatedly.  People really do make me sick. 

    1. LuthienTinuviel

      LuthienTinuviel

      Thinking of you x

  9. hello.... sorry i ddint say hi in chat. i left the room to go to the potty and f orgot :(

    1. BabyDeepBlue

      BabyDeepBlue

      Hello broken&beautiful.  No worries.  It is all good. :) 

  10. Story of Abuse

    This is Joyce Meyer and her story of abuse. This is part 1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWAqUQBKq1k This is part 2 of Joyce Meyer's story of abuse. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmgqvMjm72Y She has helped me quite a bit.
  11. I forgot to make a mention in the first one and this is not my story to really tell, but my mother has since passed. My mother and her twin sister was the only 2 out of my grandmother's 6 children who were born in a hospital. They were premature and maybe weighed about 3-4 pounds. Back then, they left the oxygen on them all the time and the nurses did not know to cover up their eyes like they do now. Anyway, I don't know much of my mother's history because she was a private person. Here is what I do know and why I can't completely blame her for what happened to me in some ways. I don't know what ages, but my mother use to go to her room and stay there because she was very withdrawn from people. She quit school in the 10th grade because she did not like people from my best guess. She did get her GED later. My mother was anorexic and she tried to commit suicide by trying to hang herself in her teenage years. She was also forced to return sexual favors just so her ill mother could have food to eat. She was in denial because she told me that I don't know what it is like to be forced into giving a male a blowjob. Not sure if it happened to my mother or not, but her grandfather was also a monster from what I have heard. He would offer her older sisters a piece of candy or something just so he could feel them up or touch their breasts or whatever he wanted to do to them. My aunts were afraid to let my mother around their husbands because they were afraid my mother would take their husbands from them. I should have had an older brother or sister because my mother had an abortion before she had me all because of what my dad's mother thought about her. I think she was sorry she did it. My daddy died who was my mother's first and only love of her life. When he died, she was crushed. My mother always drank, but I think it got worse because most of my memories are of her getting drunk and she couldn't even take care of herself. I heard her cry for my daddy in the middle of the night when my sister and I was suppose to be asleep. Then the men who sexually abused and raped me betrayed her trust. My mother lived a very emotional painful life. I just got hurt because life beat her down so badly. She must have only seen her pain and did not realize my pain. I was the oldest so I was the only one there for her to take out her frustrations, anger, and disappointments. I have heard it said that broken people hurt people. I guess this is true because my mother hurt me badly, but she was also hurting. She could not have really helped me from the hurts of life when she never dealt with her own. I did not realize how broke my mother was until she told me during her chemo treatments. I understood alot better then and now. My mother never got the help she so desperately deserved. Her mother never done anything about my mother's sexual abuse. By the time she found out it was happening to me, I don't think she knew how to handle it so she did not do anything. I am sorry my mother was very hurt. I also paid a steep price for her pain and what others had done to her.
  12. This song describes my life right down to a tee. I could have written this song myself because when my daddy died, my mother leaned on me when I was growing up. She made many mistakes. She regretted them before she passed. While she had her faults, I can't completely blame her. She was so broken herself, but she never realized I was hurt badly too. Her choice was turning to alcohol.
  13. New Here

    Yes it is ok.
  14. New Here

    I am 33 years old and a single mother of 3 kids. I am not good with introductions and not sure what to say. Life has really put me through heck and back again. I have been silenced for way too long and never believed. It is time that it completely ends now. I am tired of living in the shadows and being locked up in my own mind about my past. Not sure if the internet is enough or a good idea, but thought I would give it a try. Thanks in advance for listening to me.
×