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BabyDeepBlue
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I just can’t win to save my life. Everything I have done lately has been so wrong. I just want to scream and cry!! I am so exhausted!! 😵😵
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I am good about giving other people advice and putting a smile on their face including in this forum. I guess it is because I been through so much and don’t want to see others hurt like I have. Sometimes I wish I would listen to my own advice when life throws me up against a brick wall like today when my ex mother in law wants my life to evolve around her and control me. I get so sick of it. Sometimes I want to give up because of what all is against me, but I have to keep going for my kiddos who I do love dearly. My kiddos are the ones who keep me going besides my personal beliefs in this life.
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I just got attacked by some girl. 😢
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I have only told people who I thought I could trust. I told a cousin of mine who was/is alot older than me, but it just made for some good gossip. I told a few people who I went to church with and they just basically told me to stop calling them and they did not want to deal with it. They could not even tell my grandparents or help me to tell them because I was too afraid to, but I was loved by them. I guess they didn't believe me. Where I went to school at the time, they had questioned it, but nothing ever came out of it. I never pressed charges as an adult because the state police had c -
Not sure where this belongs, but hopefully it is in the right place. Sometimes i do get depressed, but it is not too often it happens and it is the same with the memories and triggers. I did something really brave over the weekend. I don't know what got into me to allow myself to do it. A co-worker who i will call P and I were talking. P told me that people don't talk about me to her and when they do, she takes up for me. I haven't had too many people to take up for me before. Little did I know what I was going to say. I told P in general I was bullied, taunted, raped, molested, and how
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I feel a little down. It is kind of early in the year for me to feel like this. Maybe it is because the holidays are coming up. The only reason I really celebrate anything is because of my children. Other than that, it is just a different day for me. I have nothing to look forward to. My pawpaw's birthday has already passed. He passed away before Thanksgiving. My uncle has been gone for just a little over a week. My daddy's birthday is December 1st. He has been gone now for 28 years now. I lost my mommaw on Christmas day. My best friend in the whole world I lost New Years day at about 2 am. The holidays hold nothing special for me. I also wonder what my life would have been like if my daddy had not died. I know I would not have been raped or molested or if I was, my daddy would have killed them. My daddy and my best friend was my whole world. Life is truly plain and simple a bit*h.
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NO, I AM NOT SUICIDAL. I am just so wore out with life and its everyday problems. All life has ever handed me is a big bunch of pure crap. Nothing ever goes right. My problems make for a great gossip chain. I am so ready to just quit and give up. I am wore out with the heart breaks, failures, and everything in between. I am just plain tired. I really would not know how to act if I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth or I had an easy life or if I just had some minor problems. I don't even know why I try anymore.
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Inspiration to Truly Live
BabyDeepBlue posted a blog entry in My Life - POSSIBLE TW BEEN THROUGH IT ALL
I know after any type of abuse or assault, it is extremely difficult to move on. Somehow we have to move on from whatever life throws at us. I ran into this powerful video that counts for all of life's circumstances. We can either choose to truly live or we can just choose to exist with no life. A classmate of mine just recently passed away and I found this on his timeline. -
The more I deal with people, the more they make me sick. A person I thought was a friend really screwed me over. Then my aunt basically hung up on me because I was talking about my uncle who left my so called aunt. I was a kid when this happened and also I had my own set of problems going on because at the time I was being raped over and over on at least a weekly basis. The last thing my so called aunt said to me was that my sister and I were so and so's girlfriends. Why should I hate someone when I don't know the circumstances behind it and he was good to me like an uncle should be and a so called aunt who was a bit*h to me? My uncle is not blood. Neither was the uncle who raped me repeatedly. People really do make me sick.
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hello.... sorry i ddint say hi in chat. i left the room to go to the potty and f orgot
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This is Joyce Meyer and her story of abuse. This is part 1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWAqUQBKq1k This is part 2 of Joyce Meyer's story of abuse. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmgqvMjm72Y She has helped me quite a bit.
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I forgot to make a mention in the first one and this is not my story to really tell, but my mother has since passed. My mother and her twin sister was the only 2 out of my grandmother's 6 children who were born in a hospital. They were premature and maybe weighed about 3-4 pounds. Back then, they left the oxygen on them all the time and the nurses did not know to cover up their eyes like they do now. Anyway, I don't know much of my mother's history because she was a private person. Here is what I do know and why I can't completely blame her for what happened to me in some ways.
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Because of You - So Close to Home For Me
BabyDeepBlue posted a blog entry in My Life - POSSIBLE TW BEEN THROUGH IT ALL
This song describes my life right down to a tee. I could have written this song myself because when my daddy died, my mother leaned on me when I was growing up. She made many mistakes. She regretted them before she passed. While she had her faults, I can't completely blame her. She was so broken herself, but she never realized I was hurt badly too. Her choice was turning to alcohol. -
Yes it is ok.
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I am 33 years old and a single mother of 3 kids. I am not good with introductions and not sure what to say. Life has really put me through heck and back again. I have been silenced for way too long and never believed. It is time that it completely ends now. I am tired of living in the shadows and being locked up in my own mind about my past. Not sure if the internet is enough or a good idea, but thought I would give it a try. Thanks in advance for listening to me.
if ok. im sorry you are hurting so much. controling people can be very scary
