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JBC13

Member
  • Content Count

    25
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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    NJ
  • Interests
    Photography, Animation, Videography, UFC

Previous Fields

  • MembershipType
    Survivor

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  • AIM
    Jenna Blakeley

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  1. I thought once my mom went to therapy with me everything would get easier. She would be able to understand where I am coming from and how I feel. But honestly since she came in it has only gotten harder on me and not because of her. Now instead of constantly having anxiety and panic attacks due to my parents or drama going around in my family. Now I deal with having to face what happened to me and on top of that a whole other bunch of legal matters from a separate issue that made me worse. I feel like I went backwards, I feel hopeless, I feel alone. I just wish there was a way I could shut my
  2. @stagnes I completely agree with you. Maybe someday
  3. @stagnes it is definitly an everyday struggle. And I think for me I can clearly see how things should be but its also hard implementing it into your lives. And its also hard when emotions are so high. I think one of the biggest struggles in controlling my emotions. When I get emotional its like I went from 0-10 in a second. Its so quick that I cant even control my emotions or even understand them and I am sure from an outsiders perspective like my fiance who tries to understand me the best even struggles to help or to calm me down. I know I have a lot of work on myself. I want to be able to ge
  4. JBC13

    Intro/Relapse...

    @Unsteady0915 I am so sorry that happened to you. You are truly not a lone. I know it really hard. Did you ever tell your husband? Did it ever get reported? I am really sorry that you are living in fear. I completely understand how you feel. I am also going through recovery and this is my first year of therapy. Have you tried a different therapist? I have been through 3 and finally the third is a charm and hopefully it helps me heal. Just stay positive, with progress do come set backs. We all experience it but you just need to be determined to not live in fear. You deserve to live your life an
  5. Thank you @stagnes and yeah he does unfortunately it seems that he tells his mom everything. Even about my therapy so it seems now that the one person I thought I could trust, feels like I cant trust him now. I saw that he was texting about me and his mom was telling him things that I told her privately. She was telling him everything and of course giving her opinion on everything I do or say etc. And it seems like your a great mom to notice that you had to make changes to protect and raise your children. As hard as recovery is, I can at least say that with therapy we might even be or become b
  6. Thank you @stagnes. I agree with you and that is what my therapist is trying to teach me to do. However I find it very hard because I have a sense of guilt. Almost like I need their love. My therapist says that basically want happened was when you go to college that is your first sense of independence. And I started to become independent a bit but then retreated when it happened because when something bad happens mom and dad are supposed to protect you. So she said its normal but we need to break it. For example I call my parents every day. If i dont call them I feel guilt. What if they get up
  7. Haha wow you put that perfectly @Hawkgirl! My mom does the same thing fyi but normally I just give in because I know she would be like this is my TV lol. Thanks so much! I have a new therapist now and she gave me this new assignment like I have to write in my journal and I need to look at everything exactly how it is with no judging myself or anyone else. So for example I would be like ugh I'm such an awkward person maybe after hanging out with friends and feeling like convo and the time spent hanging out was awkward. So instead of calling me awkward and putting myself down, I have to ask myse
  8. Thank you so much @Hawkgirl that was really a great explanation! Thank you again so much! That really made sense and you are completely right. Its just hard implementing it and actually doing it because I just get anxious about it. I get anxious that I am making the wrong decision or that the person is mad that I didn't take their advice/suggestion etc.
  9. Thanks @LadyH and @Hawkgirl. @LadyH I think I will take you up on that offer. I just dont know how to PM on here lol. Im guilty of reading blogs and just writing in the blog section myself. I just turned 26 and am no longer on my parents insurance so now I cant go to my therapist because she doesn't take my new insurance. I havent been in like 2 weeks and I have been spiraling down some bad depression and anxiety. I need to find a new therapist ASAP. It sucks because like I hide my anxiety and PTSD pretty well. I mean I do keep to myself on a daily basis and am not in social situations often b
  10. Thanks for sharing @LadyH and @violetiris1! I really wish I had people like you to talk to daily and hang out with. Its getting so stressful. I feel like my parents abuse my anxiety, even though they love me but they either A. don't try to understand or B. don't care because they want to just get what they want. Then with my future mother in-law and sister-in-law its like if I am depressed and need to be alone for a bit all of a sudden its "oh she is such a bit*h" etc. They like act nice to me but if I am quite or like want to be a lone in my room and don't socialize (which is may
  11. Some things that make me anxious: social settings, clubs/bars/parties, people being mad at me or a change in their mood (I automatically assume they are mad at me), A change in my "Routine"/schedule, sleeping other places that is not my bed, Other people or animals (Anything that breathes) sleeping in my room. (I don't like hearing other people breathing when I am trying to sleep, I end up tossing and turning and not sleeping at all. Being anywhere alone (other then my room). I even get anxious being alone in the house by myself. And the biggest thing which is basically anything where I feel t
  12. Thank you Survivor5430 and I am sorry for you went through as well. I know I haven't been on in a while and I should be on this more. Because talking to other people is a release. But at the same time it doesn't feel like reality. I wish that in my everyday life people could be more understanding. My parents get like annoyed with my Anxiety and they don't get it and often just think I'm being sensitive and they end up lashing out which just makes it worse for me. My friends well thats like non-existent , since I don't go out really they don't ask me to hang out. And now my Boyfriend and I are
  13. I haven't wrote in a while and since I stopped writing my feelings I have been going down hill a bit. I have every reason to be happy in my life but to wake up and feel sad everyday and you don't know why is hard. A few weeks ago I made a huge step and I went out at night to a local bar/restaurant for drinks with a bunch of people from my gym and my boyfriends sister. This is a big step for me because I don't go out at all to bars or really any where social at night. And I especially never go anywhere without my boyfriend. He is the only one that can control and calm my anxiety and make me fee
  14. JBC13

    Writing down my thoughts

    Thank you guys for your support and kind words. Without you guys I would feel alone. I wrote this wanting to make a blog. But my mistake was letting my boyfriend and mom read it first. My boyfriend is always supportive but my mom was not on board with it. She was more concerned about people reading it and judging and that she thought it was a cry out for help. After I told my boyfriend what she said he asked what the purpose of writing it was. I told him that I feel like I have been holding onto a ton of balloons by holding in everything I want to say to the ones around me. I am sure you guys
  15. I am going to write my own story. I am no longer going to let someone else or something define me. I will no longer let my past define me. I am writing my present and I am working towards a positive future. 2016 is going to be a year of honesty, honesty to myself, my friends and my family because pretending to be happy puts a strain on your relationship with your friends, family, and most importantly yourself. Its so easy for everyone to put on their best face and act like their life is perfect and I was guilty of it but this year my new years resolution is to no longer “fake it til ya make” b
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