OmegaWolf
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Everything posted by OmegaWolf
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Questioning my purpose... All I seem to do is bring people down. Did I survive everything just to be a burden?
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Thank you all so much for the love. It's been a really rough year. This helped me today. I hope you all are well also.
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Hi... I'm Omega Wolf. I'm an old member of the forum... I took a break for a couple of years, so I thought that I'd reintroduce myself. I'm a male survivor of R, SA, and some other things... It's kind of a long story. I'm a adult trying to pick up the pieces of a broken life, trying to function in a society only accepting of the normal, non-survivor. And failing miserably. Which is why I'm coming back... I need something in my life. Some source of help. I have therapy, but I can't afford half the time and miss appointments so I never can really get the help I need. I have a f
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I'm tired... Scared, afraid, frustrated, and uncertain. But very tired.
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I feel so bad that I can't support on here enough. I barely have the strength for PM'S. I have a SH craving that's eating me whole too.
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Hey @OmegaWolf,
its okay , nobody minds about it , I guess just do what you can manage.
i can understand the SH craving's , to be honest I think people like us that SH just get them it's part of the addictiveness of SH , i know first hand it's very tricky to resist , to be honest it gets me almost every time cause I'm no good at resisting.
"never feel down cause you feel you can't help yourself or others."
No one would blame you.
anonymous96
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Well.. Im a dork. You all who have been following my vent today, thank you so much. But I made a typo sort of error I didn't realize and it totally made me look bad. Its my parents that I am getting abuse from, not my wife and kiddo... Sorry for the goof.
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I don't deserve to heal I don't deserve to be alive. I can't make it in the real world beause my purpose in life is to be a victim and then die. Use me and throw me away like an old dirty tissue. I'm not worth anything to anyone.
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Is healing actually possible? I feel like every time I take a step forward I take two back...
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I think that it's hard to define what healing means. It's different for everyone. But, I think that in terms of "progress." My experience is that it's more like two steps forward one step back. So, I'm usually making more progress than I think I am, which is probably true for you too. I think we tend to be really hard on ourselves.
Yesterday, someone on the board suggested that I take a look at the song Exactly by Amy Steinberg. It's about the whole notion of "am I making enough progress." I listed to it and really liked it.
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healing is possible. after struggling with it one way or another for many years, i can see that healing is possible but the process is painful. and i noticed that some of the times when i was actually making the most progress, i was feeling WORSE. and i wondered how can this be helping me, when i have all these horrible feelings of despair and self harm, etc? however, during these awful times there were some important components that are often part of the healing process- basic needs of daily living were met, trustworthy, healthy support, expressing (through various means- writing, talking, art, etc) what happened that received validation and when appropriate re-framing, tons of self-care and rest, sharing on AS and finding some meaning in my life. but it wasn't until i had made enough progress that i could see that was getting better. it was difficult and painful but sometimes we have to just move forward b/c there is no other way to go. please don't give up hope.
PM me anytime. ~Flower
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Healing is possible. You just have to have the strength and have perseverance. It has been years since my last time I was abused. I have made alot of progress, but I also take several steps back now and again. Healing from it is hard, long, and rough. If you want true healing, never give up. You will always remember the hurt, betrayal, the abuse, and everything in between. It is up to you to tell yourself that I have already been there and I am not going back there again. You have to just pick up the pieces and move on. I think sometimes it is like a death of someone you really loved. You just learn to move on without them. Sometimes life gets better, but you never forget them. Sometimes just having someone to talk to helps alot if there is someone you trust. I hope this helps and I wish you the best. Feel free to message me anytime.
BabyDeepBlue
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Thinking about all of you. Having a bad day, very triggered can't really do too much tonight on here.... I'm sorry.
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Every time I forget that I was born for others to use and neglect, the world reminds me. Stupid Omega.
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Wow folks... Its been a while. I'm going to be back now, I think. Finally getting into a decent headspace where I can support. I have lots to tell and not sure where to tell it. I'm also a busy guy so it may be a while but... I'm back
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Sorry I have not been active. Dealing with a very tough situation at home concerning SA. Not feeling strong at all.
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Sorry I'm not very supportive lately... I feel like an awful person. The flashbacks and panics are just so bad I can't hardly read let alone reply. Love and hugs all.
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I'm sorry that I am taking forever and a day to get to people's threads. I promise you amazing people that I am trying. Just dealing with some things currently... Wanted you all to know I cared.
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Not even on the way to work yet and I'm already a mess. Not good. The muggles are very much getting me down today..
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Awful day today. Saw someone that looked like him today at lunch, been having panic attacks since. I feel miserable on top of that... Needing some hugs if ok
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I'm having the worst time with everything today... I hate myself... I feel the r***s happening to me over and over again all the time... I don't provide enough support on here I hate myself so much.
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(((((Omega)))))) I am sorry you are feeling this way my friend. Please know that you are supported here and that you are cared for. We are all here supporting each other. Don't ever feel like you aren't doing enough. You are a huge support around the board and very active. I am sorry that you are struggling and know that you are supported here and cared for!
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Someone tapped me on the shoulder at work. I screamed. They thought it was funny. Can't tell them why. Cant tell them I'm a freak. I'm damaged. I feel like I should just die and then nobody has to deal with me. Sorry not going to do anything but I want to soooooo bad. I'm never going to be okay. Never.
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Aww my friend, that is not true. People suck, a lot of people just plain suck!!! I know how you feel, I used to have those co-workers before. I hate how they think stuff like that is funny, because they don't know. You are a wonderful, kind and caring human being and you deserve to be treated that way. You deserve to be loved, cared for and accepted. Sitting with you and sending support! Safe hugs if ok!
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Feel horrible tonight. I can't ground myself, can't stop hating myself. I am everything they said I am.
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Omega,
I've been there & I know you've been here before - so I know you know there's another side to tonight. You just have to get through right now. Okay, now I'm going to say this, but I know you will not believe me because of where you are emotionally right now. You are not what they've said you are, not even slightly. You're a strong and couragous fighter with a moon full of guts. Please go easy on yourself tonight, maybe some distraction may work? Sometimes does, sometimes doesn't for me.
Take care,
Forest x
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Sorry all for the severe lack of posting the last few days. I'm very busy and going through a rough bit. Feel really worthless and just crap.
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Really bad day for flashbacks and panic. I have a T appointment tomorrow and I think its worrying about that. Hope everyone's doing well.
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Today having a really rough time. Feel like its happening all over again. I hate my vivid brain.
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How many other people, huh? You won't take me down
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Man i am really, seriously sorry guys that I never seem to have enough time to get a comment in on everyone's post. I keep running out of time before i can hit the Aftermath board. Much love to all and I hope the night is going well.
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Tonight I will not be brought down. Flashbacks and night terrors be d*mned.
No need to apologize. If ok, 
you people are all wonderful
