Hi CLD As someone who has been through it and married to someone who has alo, I can say you are taking a big step Forward by talking in here. As good as T's are there are still things it takes time to open up about, if at all. After a sexual assault you are changed. You experience guilt, that same guilt is what binds younger victims to a repeated abuser. Some use the orgasm guilt and that causes a lot of confusion and strife to the victim. Your body is conditioned to respond as it is meant to. Dark or negative fantasies also can surface which can lead to anxiety and shame. You seem to have a supportive husband but some things you are afraid he wont understand. This is all about trying to regain the sanctity and power you lost.