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    Southeastern USA
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    running, writing, hiking, working out, reading, cooking

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  1. Hi Dasi. thank you very much for the welcome:-)! I'm really sorry to you as well that you had to survive csa. But I hope that you are making good progress with that anger lol! It can be a good tool. But it can also be really exhausting:-(. Thank you for your vote of confidence with me taking the right steps! It's nice to hear that when sometimes I don't know where to step. And thanks for the invitation to contact you. Please feel free to do the same. Who knows? Maybe we can give each other some good advice or at least a different perspective> Hello Paula. Thank you also for the welcome:-)! I so appreciate hearing so many people here welcoming me. It sucks to be here for the reasons everyone is, but wow! It's also really a good thing to know that I'm not alone and feeling like I'm an alien with green skin and large antennae, trying to act "normal" while hoping nobody notices that I'm not. So far I've been finding my way around with no problems, but thank you for offering to help if I need it :-) Take care everyone William
  2. Hello Chantel, Thank you for the welcome:-)! I really appreciate it. I'm doing all that I feel comfortable in doing to try to make some peace with things that I try to forget about. Some things I have actually come to terms with and am relieved to be able to say that. Like the dissociative issues you mentioned that you have. Last week I was almost broadsided in traffic as I was pulling into an intersection. I knew where I was and I knew that I was driving. I just kind of slipped into deep thought as a song came on the radio. Anyway, it really shook me up. Both the memory and the near miss. In two weeks I will be starting group therapy with other people like me and I hope to learn how to control things like this better. I'm sorry that you have this kind of an issue too, but hopefully you are better at not letting it control you than I am. The endurance training has helped a lot. My disposition and my outlook are definitely affected if I miss a day, so I usually don't. Maybe this could be helpful for you too? Thank you for the healing energy:-)! I wish you great healing and lots of laughter and smiles:-) Take great care:-) William
  3. Wow! Thanks to everyone who has replied to me. I really do appreciate it very much. I will be shopping tomorrow for the book that Minerba mentioned to me after my morning workout. I do have a limited support system, Minerba. But it has shrunk by one very larger than life person (long story). But im nervously excited to say that I will be starting a support group with other adult csa survivors in two weeks! im hoping to hear from people, like I said earlier, who are doing better than I am, about how they got to be "better," whatever that means. Euca, I hope that youve had some healing through your running. So far in my journey to heal, you are the only person I've met who can relate to this kind of self-induced therapy. It's cool to know that I'm not the only person who fights it directly. Reglois, thank you so much for the warm welcome. It's really kind and I appreciate the compassion. Thank you so much:-)! MeBeMary, Thank you for the information and the advice to take it slow. I get impatient when I think about how fed up I am with feeling broken. Best wishes to everyone here. I'm truly sad that you are all here and not living a life where ignorance to the subject this forum was made for, isnt the norm. I wish peaceful and restful nights to you all, and days where you smile more than you think about things we wish we could forget to remember. Be well everyone.
  4. Thank you. I will definitely do that once I feel a little more competent in navigating the site. Best of luck to you too. Take care
  5. Hello. I'm a male who is dealing with PTSD and have been recently told that I also have "dissociation." I've been trying to deal with my Pandora's box of repressed memories which exploded open on me almost three years ago now. I am a survivor (although I don't feel like I have survived now) of CSA as well as physical abuse and mental abuse. I was also "taken advantage of" once when I was 18, after the abuse was over. I feel like I'm 100's of years old sometimes when all of the memories I have overtake me. I have incredible flashbacks and horrible nightmares which have decreased since I started running again. I run like hell 6 days a week and I work out with weights to the point that my body shakes. I do t do heavy weights, I do t want to be some big muscle head. But the endurance thing works well for me. I play heavy music which all have specific meanings for me and I purposely recall all of my demons from the years I was abused (as well as the years after the abuse) and I imagine that I'm defeating them all by running faster and being stronger than they are. So far it has helped, but it hasn't stopped it all completely. But I'm not stopping either. I'll run them straight to hell or it will kill me, but I won't quit. I've lost so much and I'm not going to let them beat me in the end. I would also like to find the male survivor area and hope to hear from both men and women who are doing better than I am with the issues I have. I want to know from someone who has "survived" the same issues that I can get through this and have my life back, or what's left of it. Best wishes to all.
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