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Well I did it. I gave the letter to my friend and it has had the most positive outcome. I feel lighter. Somebody who knows me, knows what happened. And they are there for me and don't think less of me. It makes me cry, not because i'm sad, but because I was believed. Thank-you for the welcome guys, I don't think I know just yet how lucky I am to have stumbled onto this forum. It came along at just the right time for me.
So this is it. I made a promise to myself a last week. A friend of mine was applying for a promotion for the 4th time. She was nervous and scared and as the week went on became increasingly anxious and had a panic attack. She said she might drop out. I made myself a promise that day: If she made it to her interview, I would take the first steps in helping myself. She had her interview (and got the promotion), and I wrote a letter. Coincidently, it was to the same friend. This letter has things in it that I still don't have the courage to say outloud, but that I want to be heard. This