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  1. After feeling lost and confused , and overwhelmed with anxiety i decided to start working on this workbook that my psychologist suggested. Im only on page 50 and i feel like it has helped me so much. If only i would of listened and tried working on this before. Its called finding life beyond trauma : also going to try another book called trusting after trauma : relationships after trauma 

  2. Quote

    The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved, But a reality to be experienced - Zen Saying 


  3. you are great with words, thank you for your support and post
  4. First of all you need to take a step back and tell yourself that this anxiety and the feelings you are experiencing are normal. I too went through drug rape situation as well three years ago. I understand the feelings of not being able to control the anxiety and panic attacks. Sometimes the anxiety is so strong the thoughts keep running and running and running to no end. I then mentally freeze and shut everyone out close to me i start over analyzing even situation with my boyfriend , i immediately think whats wrong with me am i crazy? Unfortunately this is something we will prob have to deal with the rest of our lives. And no you couldn't of stopped the situation form happening. The night that my situation happened i was out with my father and his two friends pause 3 best friends. At the time my offender dropped the drug in my drink i wasn't even drinking i was sipping on water, i only know this because the offender admitted to this. He actually on stand admitted that he seeked me out immediately and would have gotten his hands on me no matter who was there. I don't remember anything after going to the restroom that night, he watched me enter the bathroom and leave the bathroom by that time i was stumbling he saw i was vulnerable and let me outside to his vehicle, i remember nothing on from that night. So don't blame yourself by thinking that you went out to have a good time that night that it is your fault, it was going to happen whether you could of stopped it or not. Your parents and significant other you have to remember haven't been through anything near as traumatizing and they will prob never understand the amount of pain or anxiety you feel, the only person that does is you, and thats okay thats one of the hard things that i had to realize after time. Anxiety is real thing and the only thing that helps is working out, and breathing. I used to got to a therapist and she as great it was what i needed to level me out i haven't been going due to financial issues for the last couple of years, even with insurance its so expensive over time. I often times felt like i was talking to someone who had no clue what was truly going on you know, so three years later it led to here in this forum. I went through an awful time 6 months after my situation and totally spinner out of control was constantly drinking, found out that when your body goes under the influence of alcohol it can lead to those feelings of being out of control of the situation, your flight or fight mode kicks in and you immediately experience fear, i on the other hand would lash out at my boyfriend who was amazing dealing with my reactions but it eventually led to a hard time in our relationship because i would abuse him. I then stopped drinking and started resorting to isolating my self from everyone an everything. I like you had a hard time remembering who i was, i felt dead inside , like the happy, cheery, bubbly side of me was completely gone. I went from being independent to completely dependent. I'm still trying to rediscover myself , still trying to find ways to cope. this helped me by the way to hear someone else say exactly how i have felt and still feel deep down.
  5. Survivor5430

    trigger calendar

    I hate when this happens. I can go months on end feeling fine but anytime leading up to the date of the assault or the time period of the court date, i get sick, depressed, unexplained anxiety, the feeling of constant panic, fear of not being about to control my emotions, it can even be a month before the assault date and i start getting nightmares , agitation, its so hard still trying to figure out solutions and tips when this comes about. Hang in there , it helps knowing its not abnormal to experience these feelings
  6. Survivor5430

    Do you remember?

    Just from experience whether i want to remember good or bad memories during the time period that the abuse had occurred, i have found that by going through old pictures or just by reminiscning, on old times brings me back to old memories. For example as i was moving out of my childhood home i stumbled among an old teddy bear( there was a reason this teddy bear was stashed away I'm guessing) i immediately got a sense of fear, sadness, hopelessness, nauseated feelings all at once. It brought back the memory of that day i got that bear, it was given to me by my offender( he had used it as bribe) it brought back such awful feelings like i was there as a young scared girl all over again, after having this happen i opened up good and bad memories surrounding this time.I had a bonfire and burned all the belongings that i came upon that brought bad memories and kept the positives, just thought i would help you out hang in there i no its frustrating not being about to remember, but also sometimes those bad memories are lost for a reason.
  7. Excited to try something new and to meet others who have has similar experiences it is so nice to have an outlet, i am finding that over time things don't always get better mentally if you don't focus on the true pain and insecurities that form over the years  , i have tried counseling and where as i did feel like it helped over time i felt like i was just explaining myself,to someone who truly had/has no idea the pain you feel , and the frustration that accumulates overtime , hoping that this outlet will help me find some answers . solutions, and just tips on how to overcome the battles we face even years after something so traumatic.

    1. tm2566


      Welcome Survivor! :wave: I hope you find that AS will be a good outlet for you as well. I have gotten lots of wonderful tips and advice here and hope the same for you. :) 

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