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aftersilence1

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Everything posted by aftersilence1

  1. Hi, @madeline. I saw your post in @pattyr;s story. I wanted to say that I can relate. I was sexually abuse by my female babysitter too. Always wished that my mother had paid more attention in selecting her or had come home unexpectedly to check on me, but she never did. Eventually, I told, and the babysitter was fired. But, it really traumatized me. I'm so sorry that your babysitter abused you instead of taking care of you. 

  2. I'm taking a break from AS for a while. But, I wish everyone the best on their healing journeys. 

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Field8

      Field8

      Take gentle care and you will be missed.

    3. lexip

      lexip

      take care aftersilence!

    4. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      I miss you already, but I understand. I am glad you are taking care of yourself, friend. 

  3. Hi! I'm New!

    Welcome. I'm sorry you were hurt. You were very brave to leave that relationship. I hope that you find healing here at AS.
  4. Hello - new to the site

    Welcome. Glad you are here. I hope that you can find support at AS and that in time you are able to find a way to communicate with your husband.
  5. Axious and Suffering

    What happened wasn't your fault. You did not deserve to be taken advantage of in that way. I'm sorry for your suffering. It is possible to seek help and begin to heal. The Rape and Incest National Network has a list of crisis centers across the US where survivors of rape/sexual abuse/sexual assault can receive counseling. https://rainn.org/get-help
  6. Just Starting Out

    Welcome! You belong here, and we are glad that you found us. We support your journey for healing. You are free to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable. As Mary said, there are male members here, and we treasure their presence as we do that of all AS members.
  7. New Here

    Welcome to AS. It's normal to be scared of sharing. But, I've found that sharing my story and my feelings here has been very healing for me.
  8. Hi...

  9. Hi, I am new and a little afraid.

    Welcome to AS. A lot of us have realized that we have unresolved feelings from past abuse/assault. It can be overwhelming when you first become aware of the impact the past is having on you. But, there is hope and healing. You've come to the right place.
  10. New princess

  11. newbie

    We get it. You're in the right place.
  12. newbie

    Welcome to AS, Randi. I can relate to not really being able to talk fully with in person friends/family. And, I also understand about bottling things up. I just started to deal with my childhood sexual abuse two months ago after 30 years of denial. And, I just started to deal with my sexual assault last week after not realizing it was sexual assault for over 20 years. So, I get it. Glad you made it to AS. I hope that this is a healing space for you.
  13. Hello...Hi...I'm new

    Welcome, SJ. I think that it's great that you want to help other survivors in their healing through your counseling practice. I hope that you find AS to be a safe and healing community for you.
  14. TW: intimacy

    So sorry that you are going through this and that the pain of your abuse is affecting your ability to enjoy a consensual relationship. I think that as survivors we frequently feel like we can't set boundaries or express our own needs. It seems like it's particularly hard for us to do this in the area of physical intimacy. Abuse teaches us that we don't have any control over our own bodies, and that it's okay for other people's desires to overrule our own. I know that I tend to feel that way. If someone is touching me, and it makes me uncomfortable, it's hard for me to say anything. I usually just freeze and wait for it to be over. I didn't even realize this tendency until recently, and I'm now working on it with my therapist. It's okay for you to want different things then he does in terms of physical intimacy. It's not about him. It's about how you're feeling and what makes you feel safe. This isn't something you are doing to him. It's just the reality of where you are right now. You don't owe him sex. You don't even owe him an explanation about why you don't want to have sex. As radical as it may sound, you have a default right to determine who, what, when, where, and how you are willing to engage in or not engage in physical intimacy. It's an inherent right, and you don't have to earn it. From what you've described, it sounds like your partner will understand. If he doesn't, that's not your fault. It's not your fault that you haven't told him sooner. You weren't able to. If he feels guilty when you tell him, you can reassure him that it's not his fault. He didn't know. But, his guilt feelings won't be your fault either. All of this is the fault of those who abused you.
  15. Hope that your mom was able to come over and that things have been a bit smoother than you thought. You must be excited that your husband is coming back soon!

    1. Field8

      Field8

      No my mom was too sick to come over at all this week. Husband is now home and things I think can get better. Thank you for checking.

    2. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      I'm sorry that your mom was sick. But, I'm glad that your husband is home now and that things seem better. 

  16. Hi All

    Hi, Darren. You are welcome here. I too was sexually abused at age 9. So, I know what a vulnerable time that is and how being abused at that age can leave a lasting mark. I'm glad that you found us and have a supportive therapist.
  17. Healing Deeper

    Welcome to AS. Sounds like you are ready to do another piece of healing work, and that's awesome. Our minds only allow us to handle what we can when we can. Sometimes we can't deal with everything at once or at the time it happens. I know that I didn't. When we are ready to process a piece of trauma we do. We do what we can when we can. Hope that this is a turning point for you in your deeper healing.
  18. guilty insomnia

    Hope you are able to forgive yourself and get some rest tonight.
  19. Hello

    I wasn't on the site when you were last here. So, I'm pleased to meet you! Welcome back.
  20. Hi, Amy. Hope that your day is going okay. I came across this resource when I was looking for something else. And, I thought of you because of the discussions we've been having around issues related to the trial.

    http://www.aequitasresource.org/

    Aftersilence1

    1. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      Hey! I am doing better. I went to the kids' grad party and I enjoyed it. People there were also at the graduation and no one treated me weirdly. I guess maybe they do understand, or at least they didn't notice as much as I thought.

      Thank you so much for that. I will check it out. 

    2. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      I'm glad you are doing better and had fun at the party. :) You deserve some fun. 

  21. How are you and your son doing, Panda? Did you decide whether to stay at your parents' house or go to your mother-in-law's? Hope that time is passing quickly and your husband gets home soon.

    :notalone:

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      I'm sorry that yesterday was so rough. But, I'm glad that your friend was able to be there for you. You deserve to be comforted. I'm glad that your husband continues to be protective over you and your son and that he "gets" how much you are affected by all of this and is sensitive to your needs. I hope that today is not such a "whammy" for you in the memories department and perhaps you're able to spend time outside or with supportive friends. Counting down the days with you...:hug:

    3. panda0889

      panda0889

      Thank you so much. I think it's going to be a good day today. I'm going to meet with a girl friend of mine. She's amazing. I think she'll be able to help me take my mind off of everything. 

    4. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      I'm glad that you have her. Hope you have a good time together. 

  22. Hi, had some old memories come up..

    Hi, Jumpy. Welcome to AS. There is nothing you have to "do." Healing is a process, and it's different for everyone. Do you have a therapist or any in person support to help you process this? Dealing with buried trauma is not easy. I'm dealing with my childhood sexual abuse and sexual assault now after thirty years. The pain doesn't go away unless you work through it, and even then, it not like it never happened. But, as I said, it's different for everyone. I'm at the beginning of my healing journey too. If you are looking for counseling resources, you may want to check out the Rape and Incest National Network or the organization 1in6, which helps male survivors specifically. https://rainn.org/index.php https://1in6.org/
  23. Hi, it's me.

    Hi, Michele. I know that joining a message board can seem overwhelming. There is no pressure. When I first joined the board I would sign in anonymously from time to time and just read other people's posts. That went on for six months. Then, I decided to post for the first time. And, it's been an important part of my healing journey. All that to say, there is no "right" way to do this. It's whatever is right for you.
  24. Newbie

    You don't have to be "over it." It takes as long as it takes, and everyone is different. I'm sorry for what you've been through. But, I hope that you find what you need here at AS.
  25. Hi there...new to the group

    Hi, Whiskers. I know the feeling. Before I came to AS not that long ago I had not talked about or processed what happened to me in any sustained way. This is a safe space for you to do that.
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