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aftersilence1

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Status Replies posted by aftersilence1

  1. I got the sweetest, most humbling compliments from my T. I don't know what prompted her to text me, even though she is on vacation, but I am thankful.

    She sent me the link to the Stanford victim's statement and told me that it made her think of me and the courage I am demonstrating as I continue to heal. I told her I had already read it and she told me that she believes my statement will be just as powerful.

    We talked a little more and she said, "You are one of the most courageous & woman of valor I think I have ever had the honor of knowing." That floored me. I didn't see that one coming, LOL. I try to "let it in" as she puts it, and feel the good emotions instead of just dismissing it as untrue and just a nice thing she said to make me feel better. I am humbled that she thinks so much of me. 

  2. I want to be somebody. I want to impart social change. I want to be a catalyst for that change. I want to use my story and my pain to help others. I want to be famous, but not for myself. I want to be famous so that I have the clout and influence I need to affect that change. I long to do great things. But I don't know how or if I am even able...

  3. I want to be somebody. I want to impart social change. I want to be a catalyst for that change. I want to use my story and my pain to help others. I want to be famous, but not for myself. I want to be famous so that I have the clout and influence I need to affect that change. I long to do great things. But I don't know how or if I am even able...

    1. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      I get it. I want to save the world too. Always have. I bet you wanted to do good and help people before this latest trauma occurred. Now, it likely feels even more pronounced. :)

    2. (See 11 other replies to this status update)

  4. I want to be somebody. I want to impart social change. I want to be a catalyst for that change. I want to use my story and my pain to help others. I want to be famous, but not for myself. I want to be famous so that I have the clout and influence I need to affect that change. I long to do great things. But I don't know how or if I am even able...

    1. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      I believe that you can and you will. Sit with it a while and see what emerges. You have many gifts, and there are many ways in which you could be used as a force for good. 

    2. (See 11 other replies to this status update)

  5. I didn't want to leave my house this morning. I am not getting my work done. I don't feel good mentally or physically. I just want to go home and go to bed and cuddle with my dog...

    1. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      You made it! Hope the second half went by quicker than you expected.

    2. (See 4 other replies to this status update)

  6. I didn't want to leave my house this morning. I am not getting my work done. I don't feel good mentally or physically. I just want to go home and go to bed and cuddle with my dog...

    1. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      So sorry. I didn't want to leave my house or go to work either. I'm not getting much done at work, and I just want to go home and be with my baby blanket. Hugs to you, my friend. At least the day is half over.

    2. (See 4 other replies to this status update)

  7. I can't go to the graduation. I started feeling sick last weekend-very sore throat, drainage...and I am still sick. I am going to the doctor today. I hope I don't have bronchitis or something. I can't be around the triplets like this, and I feel awful. So I am staying home. There is supposed to be really, really bad weather anyway and I definitely do not want to drive in it. 

    1. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      Glad you are starting to feel better. Good for you for staying home and taking care of yourself. 

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  8. My best friend's nephew is graduating Saturday. I have been there since before he was born. I want to go and support my almost-nephew, too. But I am scared. It is in the Dallas area and I live a few hours away. I don't like driving at night. I am not going to leave Pepper in the care of a friend this time. I am always going to take him with me from now on, so at least he will be there. His separation anxiety is too bad for me to leave him for long. He has doggy PTSD :(

    You might remember what happened last time I went to a graduation :(

    1. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      I hope that it goes well. Perhaps someone might be willing to drive up with you if they also needed/wanted to go to Dallas for a bit. Then, you'd have company. And, if the other person already has reason to go to Dallas, they could stay wherever they usually stay. So, it's not like you're bringing and extra guest to your friend's place.

      As for the graduation itself, I know that crowds are a trigger. If you know more about the graduation venue perhaps you can figure out if there is a spot that will feel more comfortable for you (if your seating isn't dictated by tickets). Or, you can be honest with your friend about your PTSD, and tell her you need to stick close by her especially in walking into the venue and getting seated. 

    2. (See 4 other replies to this status update)

  9. Today is a court day. Court days are always sickening. 

    I did not attend. Nothing much is going to happen except for them to formally continue the dates from pre-trial today to 8/15 and the trial from 6/20 to 8/29. He is still going before the judge for what he did to me, even though it is not major. I hate thinking about it. 

    I called the sheriff's office this morning to see if he was still on the court docket even though the dates had changed and the lady started reading off his charges, starting with, "Two counts of rape---" I interjected that I knew, as I was his victim. It was hard. 

    1. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      Hope it went okay, Amy. Sorry that you had to hear the sheriff's office worker talk about your case in such a dehumanizing way. That's got to be hard. You are not just a number, or a crime victim. You are an amazing human being, a child of God, and a precious soul.

    2. (See 4 other replies to this status update)

  10. Hope that your mom was able to come over and that things have been a bit smoother than you thought. You must be excited that your husband is coming back soon!

    1. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      I'm sorry that your mom was sick. But, I'm glad that your husband is home now and that things seem better. 

    2. (See 1 other reply to this status update)

  11. Hi, Amy. Hope that your day is going okay. I came across this resource when I was looking for something else. And, I thought of you because of the discussions we've been having around issues related to the trial.

    http://www.aequitasresource.org/

    Aftersilence1

    1. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      I'm glad you are doing better and had fun at the party. :) You deserve some fun. 

    2. (See 1 other reply to this status update)

  12. How are you and your son doing, Panda? Did you decide whether to stay at your parents' house or go to your mother-in-law's? Hope that time is passing quickly and your husband gets home soon.

    :notalone:

    1. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      I'm glad that you have her. Hope you have a good time together. 

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  13. How are you and your son doing, Panda? Did you decide whether to stay at your parents' house or go to your mother-in-law's? Hope that time is passing quickly and your husband gets home soon.

    :notalone:

    1. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      I'm sorry that yesterday was so rough. But, I'm glad that your friend was able to be there for you. You deserve to be comforted. I'm glad that your husband continues to be protective over you and your son and that he "gets" how much you are affected by all of this and is sensitive to your needs. I hope that today is not such a "whammy" for you in the memories department and perhaps you're able to spend time outside or with supportive friends. Counting down the days with you...:hug:

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  14. Is healing actually possible? I feel like every time I take a step forward I take two back... :unsure:

    1. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      I think that it's hard to define what healing means. It's different for everyone. But, I think that in terms of "progress." My experience is that it's more like two steps forward one step back. So, I'm usually making more progress than I think I am, which is probably true for you too. I think we tend to be really hard on ourselves.

      Yesterday, someone on the board suggested that I take a look at the song Exactly by Amy Steinberg. It's about the whole notion of "am I making enough progress." I listed to it and really liked it. 

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  15. Thinking about all of you. Having a bad day, very triggered can't really do too much tonight on here.... I'm sorry.

    1. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      It's ok. Take care of you.

  16. I am personally a huge penguin fan :) I just saw your picture and wanted to say that I love it :) It is so adorable!!!

  17. I am personally a huge penguin fan :) I just saw your picture and wanted to say that I love it :) It is so adorable!!!

    1. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      Thank you, wish! It makes me so happy. You don't even know. : ) I love things that are round, and my favorite letter is P. So, it's perfect for me. Thanks for enjoying it with me!

    2. (See 2 other replies to this status update)

  18. Thanks for reading and responding to my story. I was nervous posting it, and I appreciate your support.

    1. aftersilence1

      aftersilence1

      Thanks!😊 Hope you are having a healing day.

    2. (See 1 other reply to this status update)

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