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Ausnz

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    Survivor

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  1. I don't know if people usually respond to blogs but moved to respond to yours. I am so sorry for you that your family don't recognise your talents, strength, achievements. Mine don't either, although they say they do in the right company. Like you I was blamed for abuse when I was young, and left to fend off my brother for the next 12 years on my own. I did what you did and are going to do - spent time in psych wards, pulled myself together, moved thousands of miles away, and now live in a different country altogether. Its better, but I still feel like the fat, rebellious, pathetic creature they see me as. After pulling myself out of an abusive relationship 5 years ago (another failure as far as the family is concerned - I really shouId have ''compromised more" apparently) I finally started working with a trauma therapist about 18 months ago. Now the journey is for me...and its one I have to take and I have withdrawn even more from my family to do so. I can't believe in myself or start to heal while I have their voices in my head - and neither will you. You will never be ''right'' for them because the qualities they value and are seeking are so much less than you have already become. I hope your journey forward is one you take for you - and that you get to realise that the only persons values you should be seeking to fulfil are your own. I'm not there myself - I'm still a long way off, but I do recognise that I will be okay, when I get to that point too. And most days, without having family around, its easier to do that. Not sure if this helps at all...but just wanted you to know you're not alone in this experience. Below is a whakatauki (Maori proverb) I love and which sits on my desk at work. Hope it gives you the strength it gives me "Tawhiti rawa töu haerenga ake te kore haere tonu" We have come too far not to go further. We have done too much not to do more. Kia kaha (Stand strong)
  2. Kia Ora Katie, I'm from NZ too (yep the names a giveaway)... Only been here a few days myself but everyone seems pretty understanding and supportive. Hope you get what you need...Kia kaha ..
  3. Ausnz

    Scared

    Hi, this is the first time I've gone all they way through to getting onto a website for support though wanted to for a long time..years of being silent are very hard to break the habit of so feeling a little scared for doing so. I am currently in trauma therapy and after 30 years finally have a therapist who is amazing (after many lost causes), and because she is the first I've ever been able to trust, I am finally getting to face the events of my life with the objective of healing, but it's a scary, horrible, traumatic, lonely place and just needing to be with others who understand.
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