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  1. I wish I'd had the courage to make reports and to stand up for myself. I regret all the years I lived from a place of fear.
  2. Thank you Mary and Hollih. I struggle SO hard to forgive. For me, it is work that I have to do each day. Some days it makes me really angry. Some days its just another thing that I check off the box. Since I have to work at it so hard still, so many years on, I'd say I've not forgiven yet, although I really really want to put it behind me and become unstuck. If I'm being totally honest, which is why I am here, to be totally open and honest in a safe environment, I hide behind the mask of "everything is cheery and positive". Truth: I vacillate between a whirlwind of emotions throughout t
  3. Yesterday, I mentioned a diamond in the rough--there have been so many--yet this child stands out, especially because we spent a summer together in the role of Counselor/Camper. This child was was so precious, and at 12 years old, would also revert to the behavior of a 3 year-old, with on the floor tantrums and melt-downs, sobbing uncontrollably if something set him off. Today I thought of him and was grateful that he allowed me to solidify my own ritual of morning gratitude. I was in the role of teacher, yet it was he who taught me. He was a smaller 12 year old, and the others found him vu
  4. Today was a quiet day. I spend a lot of time alone because I have managed to utterly isolate myself over the years--I make others uncomfortable as I am swaddled in layers of insecurities--mental, emotional, and fattal. I made a committment in December not to be in the same place when the next December roles around--not a resolution so much as a plan with right action. I'm a planner by nature, and so an agenda to guide my life has always been one of my best habits, when I'm not engulfed in the black fog of depression. And although I set about of an evening to complete my agenda page and pla
  5. Some bad things have happened in my community the past few weeks. And by community, I mean where I live and work and play, as well as all the social media that go along with it. And I began to reflect on what it is that causes people to treat other people in a particular way. And because I felt angry, I began to examine the root of my anger, the root of the anger of others, and by extension, the motivation for anger. We have so many stereotypes of anger: the angry black woman, the Henry Rollins punk anger, the violent sex offender anger, the residual victim anger, the survivor anger, the c
  6. I'm new to this site, and so I think that what you have just posted is extremely brave. I've not told anyone in my family--ever--the things that I've experienced over the years, and so you are my new hero. WOW--that took some serious courage to confront your father, your mother and your other family members. I'm SUPER impressed with you and your courage. As for pain, someone told me: "Pain is weakness leaving your body." It takes enormous strength to do the work that you are doing. Also, your aunt sounds like an ally--it might be tricksy going to build a relationship with her, but for h
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