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Thanks guys ... I had a really bad night last night ... took some tablets ... not enough to overdose but only because I stopped myself - broke down in tears and then was on the phone to a crisis number I got given at my initial meetings ... 2.00am in the morning and I'm pouring my heart out to a complete stranger ... I thought I'd hit rock bottom already .... obviously not ... I just feel a complete failure at the moment and that everyone including myself would be better off if I wasn't here
Am on a lot of forums ... fan sites ... etc ... but have never felt as nervous or anxious about posting in one as I am now ... I'm 41 years old this year ... and some of the stuff I'm dealing with ... some of the stuff that only came out recently - happened over 30 years ago .... have had some initial meetings with counsellors and am now on a waiting list for about six months - also waiting for an appointment with an emotional support worker - but at the moment I'm kind of in limbo with no one who really knows or understands what I'm going through.