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Blog Entries posted by Kmiller

  1. Kmiller
    I am not feeling the greatest lately. The attack has been coming up more in my head =[ I just started talking to a therapist and she asked me to explain my attack and all of the progress that i have made feels like i am back to square one. with the night mares, nervous about people being around me, going in public places i don't know what seeking help will do so far nothing  now i am having panic attacks left and right i dont know what to do 
  2. Kmiller
    I know heard that this will help my co worker sent me to this site to tell my store and get help
    well i was hanging out with my boyfriend at the time and his friends we all went to eat and we were going to go to a hotel and we all were going to party i thought that this would be fun my boyfriend and i were doing great so he told me that his friend will drive me there while he goes and gets the alcohol well his friend took me and i relaxed on the bed playing with my phone laying on my belly the friend didn't waste any time he didn't undress me he just pulled down my jeans didn't unbutton them but ripped them and started from the back side and i screamed and cried to stop that it hurts so half way through it he got tired of me fighting it he turned me over and i seen how scary his face was and realized that fighting will not help he is going to finish no matter what and i still needed to get to my car so i let him finish and asked to take me to my car after i called my friend and to see if he was working and he knew something was wrong i was shaking and crying he called the cops i made a statement but the lawyer told me that there was no point they are just going to say it was my fault and it would take a lot to get him thrown away in jail so i just dropped the case but i still see him a lot on the road and sometimes the mall i don't know how to act normal when i see him i freak out but one time i did see him i had a cigarette in my hand so i flicked it and it got his neck
    the help i need is how do i make my relationship with the love of my life work when he comes home to our house and i am not fully awake i freak out he has to wake me up a few times a night i relive the night a lot
    when will i feel like myself when will i not feel dirty when will i be happy 100 percent
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