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nolongeravictim

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    Female

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    Survivor
  1. Thank you everyone for your warm welcome. It truly feels like I found a network of others who do understand and won't pity but rather be empathetic to those like me.
  2. sometimes to heal from such a horrendous action against our will, we have to face those feelings, emotions and memories, and it will hurt like hell as we re-live it but for some it is necessary to realize it's NOT YOUR FAULT!! please, don't beat yourself up over what someone else did to you. Time will begin to heal, as long as you allow it. Stay strong, hold your head high and tell yourself everyday " I did not have control over (insert here), but I am in control now"
  3. There is always hope and not all men are abusers. I truly hope you find someone who will accept you for you and your past, be understanding and patient.
  4. nolongeravictim

    I Switched

    It's okay to ramble, sometimes that's when the details come out that you need to release. With being a survivor of sexual abuse, there is a lot of cycling I've noticed personally, at least for me. Strange things will trigger a flashback, even when you are on top of the world at that exact memory.
  5. Thank you Activist Ally, I actually found the site the night I wrote my blog entry about but 3 days later when I saw my therapist, he wrote down this website and said "even if you just read other's stories, it may help you to realize you are not alone in the way you are feeling right now". Sadly, I know I'm not alone, and it angers me that there are so many innocent individuals who have that innocence stolen from them. Thank you for the warm welcome!
  6. Being new here, I don't know where to begin. I am a 35 year old mother/wife/social worker who endured many years of sexual abuse at the hands of multiple abusers. I can remember back to around age 2, the touching by "them" in areas they should not ever touch on a child, for their pleasure. I unfortunately was not their only victim, all the females on that side of the family were targets, regardless of age. Finally at age 13, I told a friend. He helped me to tell a therapist in the psychiatric hospital we both were patients of at the time. I had to tell my parents.... my father yelled and said "you're a lying w**re who got what you deserved" and stumbled drunk out of the therapist's office while my mother sat in the corner and cried, as she too was a victim. I was not allowed to press charges, father would not allow it as he claimed I was lying. I moved out of that home when I was 16 and was free from the abusers! So 19 years later, out of the blue, I get a text message stating one of the main abusers died. For 19 years, I barely thought much about him (or so I told myself) until about 1 week before this text, when I mentioned something about him to my husband for no apparent reason, first time I had ever spoke to my husband about that specific abuser. 1 week later, the perp is dead. I was in shock, overwhelmed with soooo many emotions, from elation knowing he would never hurt another, relief, to sadness because in an odd way, I did love him, after all he was family, to guilt for feeling elation and relief, to anger that he never spent a day in jail for what he did to me and my female relatives. I was on an emotional roller coaster, crying one minute (both tears of joy and of sadness), laughing the next. I couldn't eat, sleep or focus on anything for days after getting that random text. I have a bachelors degree in psychology and I kept telling myself that "damnit you help so many others with their past and present problems, why can't you just snap out of it!" The people I trust the most assured me my emotional rollercoaster was normal considering what I had been through for at least 11 years. But I still felt guilt for the way I was feeling. So I made an emergency appointment with my therapist. I had only been working with this therapist about a year, but was focusing on day to day issues and relationship problems, he did not know I had endured such a long time of sexual abuse. I sat in his office and bawled like a baby, I told him as much as I could get out in an hour and we decided it's time to face this demon of the past. I truly think that is the root of my relationship problems, I can't focus on tomorrow or the future, I'm stuck in the past and can barely get through the day sometimes. I confuse intercourse with the only form of intimacy with my husband, but I vow to change that. I will work with my therapist and find the tools to get out of the past and look towards the future.
  7. talking about it to someone you trust does help, it's a step in the right direction. I am new here as well but am a survivor of long term sexual abuse by multiple abusers. I am a mother, a wife, a social worker, a friend to many, but I am continuing my journey to heal fully. You can do it, just never give up.
  8. proud of you! take tremendous courage to speak up and tell someone! you are on the right path! keep your head up and stay strong!
  9. thank you, I didn't see your reply before the last post.
  10. oh yeah, I am female, so if someone could help me get a password for the protected forum topics, that would be great. Thanks
  11. Hello, I'm nolongeravictim, and my therapist suggested this site to me. I was wondering how are we able to post on other protected forum threads as I would like to talk about a question that has been weighing on me but not on a public forum. I was a victim but am working hard to change that to survivor/warrior for others.
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