sojourner

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  1. Another New Member

    Welcome Anna! I hope this forum is everything you are looking for.
  2. Invalidation. Words Can Hurt!

    When I first went throughthe flashbacks I got really angry about people saying things like: Get over it Maybe he had a reason for doing what he did, you don't know what might have been going on in his life. But it was so long ago, why does it matter now? At least you have your arms and legs, you aren't crippled. Count your blessings Forget about it, its the past You shouldn't talk about it, especially not in public Why did it take you so long to come forward? It wasn't really rape if you didn't fight It wasn't really rape if you didn't scream and yell Why didn't you say anything? One time, after hearing one of these things I remembered that I had said the same thing to others. And I read over this list and I have to admit that I say some of these things to myself, even now. So sometimes, when I have the energy, when I hear a hurtful statement of ignorance about rape or abuse I try to use it as an opportunity to educate someone. But only if I like the person.
  3. Newtoo

    Thank you all for your replies Healing cop, big hugs to you and hats off for keeping making the world safer for us all. I used to work with the police department in Chicago (not as a cop). I got to hear the transmissions over the radio. Wow. You're an :inn: I've only been a member for a couple of days but this is such a great support group. I've learned so much from the postings - you are all so good at being supportive and friendly and always so positive. I hope I can learn from you all.
  4. Kind Of New.....

    dear healingcop i'm sorry for what you are going through. i remember how terrified i used to be to be around people at all, and i was really nervous and had a lot of anxiety when i went back to work. its even harder if you have a job in which you are faced with real potential danger. it takes a while for the nightmares to go away. i don't know if you are seeing a counselor, i didn't but i know its highly recommended. anyway, give yourself time. if you are able to work again YAY! that's a HUGE step. It took about a year after I started working again before I was able to be comfortable around people even though my assault had nothing to do with my job. good luck!
  5. New And Confused

    Dear Ceekay, Welcome. I'm new here too but when I read your posting I felt I had to respond. I went through the healing process in a foreign land (related to incidents that occurred in YET ANOTHER foreign land). I know how hard it is to get support when you are away from home. Its so hard to chart your way through this process of healing, and hard also to know who is safe and whether you can talk, and who you can talk to. I imagine there is not much more support for rape victims in the Middle East than there was in Asia (where it happened to me). I blocked out the memories and dealt with it all until several years later, after moving to a rather liberal European country. Even here, in Europe, I wasn't able to get help. They don't have rape crisis centers here, its all set up through the medical system & I didn't have the courage to make an appointment with a doctor or say the word rape. Finding a therapist in a non-English speaking country is yet another hurdle. So, I went through the healing process alone using the internet, emails to family and friends, and the book, "The Courage to Heal". The book was very triggering and painful but also very informative and in the absense of a therapist its the next best thing. I highly recommend that you order a copy. I hope that you are somewhere safe and protected and are around someone/people who cal look after your well being. The aftermath of sexual assault is a vulnerable time. Good luck and just know that, no matter how much it hurts right now, it does get better.
  6. Newtoo

    Hello everyone, Its been two years since the flashbacks started. I'm joining this forum as a result of events that occured after being placed in the home of a sexual predator as an exchange student many years ago. I was in Asia when the incidents occurred, and in Europe when I started to recover the memories. I'm originally from North America. (Sorry to be so vague, but I REALLY don't want to be identified). I'm mostly through the healing process but struggling with the "letting go" and "moving on" concepts. I've been scanning these message boards trying to make sense of it all, and I found it was very helpful to me throughout the process of healing. It took me a while, but after two years I finally garnered the courage to join in as a "member". It seems that its a really supportive group, and the postings have been more helpful to my healing process than any of the other survivor support groups I've seen.