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MeBeMary

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Everything posted by MeBeMary

  1. Hi Celia, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the experiences you have gone thru and the struggles you face. You will find this is a very supportive site with many understanding and kind members. You are not alone. I wish there was not a need for a place like this, but it is truly a blessing at the same time. Nobody should go thru the aftermath alone...and nobody really understands fully, other than other survivors. So this is a wonderful community where we all can come together. Feel free to look around. When you feel ready, feel free to interact with others. You will find even if the trauma is not exactly the same, many others share the same struggles. You are not pressured to share more or sooner than you are ready. You are deserving to heal tho, and you will find steps in that process here. I wish you many steps forward on this journey. Mary
  2. Hi Emilia, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the trauma you have gone thru and the struggles you face. You are not alone. What happened to you was unfair and wrong, but you will find tons of support here. Our community is filled with understanding and kind members. Take your time and look around. Feel free to interact where you are comfortable. It is a big step to reach out to others, so I do acknowledge you for this. I wish you many, many steps forward as you move down this path of healing. Mary
  3. MeBeMary

    Hi :)

    Hello Charlie, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the trauma you have endured and the struggles you face. Many survivors question to understand, so do know you are not alone in what you are going thru. It take time to process the things that you have gone thru, but you will find understanding and support from a kind community of survivors. Take your time to look around and feel free to interact when and with what you are comfortable with. There is no pressure. I do wish you many steps forward as you begin to learn and discover your own story and find your way down this path of healing. Mary
  4. Hi Cristina, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the trauma you experienced just over 10 years ago and the recent issues with those posing as friends. Both of these individuals are far from being true friends and I know that can create such problems with trust and believing in others. I am sorry they betrayed your trust. You deserve much better. You will find support and understanding here. You are not alone. One of the most difficult things for a survivor to do is trust enough to start a relationship. You need to find trust with the other person and trust in yourself to move forward with a relationship. It is nice to hear that you have someone that seems supportive and nice. I would just suggest keep communication lines open and do not rush yourself. Take small steps and move at a rate that is comfortable to you. I am very happy you found our community and decided to reach out. I wish you the best as you move forward on the path of healing. Mary
  5. Hi Myra, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the trauma you have endured 15 years ago. Sometimes it takes awhile for us to seek help, but it is never to late. I can attest to that, as it took me over 30 years. You are not alone. I know the courage it takes to speak out those words, so I would like to acknowledge this bravery. You will find support and understanding here in our community, as you are fully accepted and validated. I find many survivors do have a creative outlet and if you ever feel like sharing some of your creative expression, please take a look at our Healing Thru Creativity forum. As with anything tho, do feel free to take your time looking over the site and interact when you feel comfortable. As the others have mentioned...beautiful dogs. I find animals can be a source of comfort, whether they are officially therapy trained or not. It is nice you have both and it crosses species, as well. I hope they give you great comfort. Again, I am glad you found our community and wish you well, as you move forward down your healing path. Mary
  6. Hi Time, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for what you have gone thru, but do know that you are supported and understood here. You are not alone. It's very difficult when struggles overtake you, but it helps when you have others who know what it's like. You are right, nobody deserves to hurt or be hurt. Others can be so selfish and cruel. We need to continue to fight and move forward down this path of healing. I wish you well on this journey. Mary
  7. Hi MSmith, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the trauma that you recently went thru. This was not fair nor right. I am glad that you are taking steps to take self-care, it is often one of the most difficult things for a survivor to do after the trauma. Let me assure you, you owe this guy nothing. In fact, if the unfortunate circumstance comes back that you have contracted a STD, it is likely he gave it to you. The only reason you should ever have to come in contact with him again is if you decide to report him to the authorities. Do know this is always your choice and you will not be judged here based on that choice. I am glad that you found our community. You will find much support and kindness. Do know you are not alone. Take your time and look around our site. Feel free to post or interact where and what you are comfortable with. I wish you many steps forward as you travel this path of healing. Mary
  8. Hello EvilRegal, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the reasons that bring you here, but glad you found us, just the same. You will find our community and supportive and caring one. You are not alone. Feel free to take your time and look around and jump in when you feel ready. This is a survivor's unite type forum, but I like to think of it a little bit as cat lover's unite forum, too. We do have many members who love animals, not just cats, but they are my favorite, as well. We do have a thread where members have shared pet photos with one another, if you would like to look or share. It is pinned at the top of the Simply Life forum (a private forum). Whenever I need a smile, I drop by. I am glad that you decided to join our community. I wish you many forward steps on this journey we call healing. Mary
  9. MeBeMary

    New

    Hi Pepper, We spoke earlier, but wanted to give you an official welcome, as well. I am sorry you have reasons for being here, but support and understanding is here for you. This is a wonderful community of members all working together to help and support each other as we deal with our struggles and try to move down this healing path we are all on. You definitely are not alone. Take your time looking around and be sure to let me know if you need anything. I am always here to assist. Until then, I wish you nothing but positive wishes and steps forward as you move forward. Mary
  10. Thought for the day. I am an animal lover and animals can teach us so much. Tho a lion can be a fierce creature, they also have a beauty. They can also tell us something about life and what we've been thru.

    So today, the thought of the day comes from the mighty lion. :throb: 

    jhhjhj.jpg

     

     

     

     

  11. Hi T, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the awful experiences you endured about 5 years ago. You did nothing wrong and it is unfair and wrong these things were done to you. You are not alone. Our community is filled with supportive, understanding and kind members. Many have shared similar experiences, and most have experienced similar struggles. To say what you go thru is sadly common is sadly true. You are not alone tho. I am sorry that your mother doesn't seem to be open. A mother's faith in their child should be first and foremost, but sometimes they too, are unopen to hear uncomfortable experiences and refuse to support. You should not need proof for your mother. Do know you saying so is proof enough here. From what you mentioned about your therapist, she doesn't seem like a trauma specialist. If so, perhaps her limited specialty is not adequate for proper healing support. There are many ways a true trauma specialist could suggest. Letting out anger is not a bad thing, just not enough when someone has taken your rights away and hurt you so deeply. If she is not a trauma specialist, perhaps it is something to think about? We here tho, will support and validate you as much as you need and more. I am glad that you have found our site and decided to join. It is a big step to reach out to others and I wish you many more steps forward on this path of healing. Mary
  12. Hi Unsure, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for what you went thru, but do know you have found a very understanding community. Our members are kind and understanding. You are not alone. You did nothing wrong and I'm angry a grown man would do this to you at 6. But there are grown men that sadly do this. Confronting an abuser is such an individual choice to make. Where it can give you a voice and say YOU WERE WRONG TO HURT ME, it can also create other issues. The world is getting a little better, but there is still a lot of catching up for it to do. You might be received with doubt or anger and in a good chance of denial from your perpetrator. If you feel in the right place to do this tho, you will have our support. I am glad you found our site and decided to reach out. You are not alone. Take your time to look around the site. Wishing you the best as you travel your path of healing. Mary
  13. Hi Kira, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry you are in a domestically violent relationship. I know it is very difficult to leave a relationship, especially with how long you've been in one. As 8888 said, perhaps there is options for you, if you look into it? You deserve to be safe and no worry for you or your son. Him being your husband does not give him the right to take away your right of consent. You are still a human being, tho I have great difficult in seeing him as one. There is something known as respect and honor in a relationship, and he has dismissed this, along with your consent. I am sorry you have reason to be here, but glad you have reached out. You will find support and understanding and encouragement. You are not alone. Take your time and look around the site. I wish you the very best as you journey down the path of healing. Mary
  14. Hello sunflowersforme, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the traumas you have endured and the struggles you have faced. It is never fair for anyone to hurt another like this and I do hope you know none of it is your fault. It is good that you have a good relationship with your therapist and she has helped you with some of your trauma, including this new one to pop up last year. It is very brave to sever ties and enforce strong boundaries. You are important and your healing process is important. I know it probably wasn't easy, but good for you for thinking of your mental health first. You will find a lot of support here by our understanding and kind members. You are not alone. Wishing you step after step forward as you move down your path of healing. Mary
  15. Hi LakeSunset, First, may I say that I love the user name you have chosen. It immediately made me think of a beautiful sunset on the lake. Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the trauma you have experienced earlier in life and the realization of what it was and the struggles that come with that. I came this way a few years back, myself being 30+ years out. I denied the truth until the truth would not be denied anymore. Perhaps this is similar to how it came back to you? Healing, I have found, doesn't expire. It's not easy or fast, but it's never too late to start. I feel we may be the same generation, because I feel there was a lack of understanding back then. Many basic facts were overlooked, it is no wonder that I thought what happened was a mistake that I made and not an abuse situation. I do think society still has a long way to go, but yes...#metoo and social media, news media and the way the world connects now, there is a voice for those like us. I am very happy you found our community. Take your time and get comfortable and interact when you are ready. I wish you many steps forward on this journey we call healing. Mary
  16. Hi CAB1997, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry you have experienced trauma, but do know that you will find support, understanding and kindness within this community. It is a safe place where you can share when and what you like to, when you are comfortable. You are not alone. Both instances that you experienced were wrong, but I can understand how each may have a different impact and how you may struggle. There is no wrong way to feel about either. If you plan on confronting the abuser of this most impactful trauma you endured, just know it is seldom and rare for these jerks to admit their wrongs or feel sorry for it. If you confront him, know this. You will be doing it to give yourself a voice, which if you are ready for it, can be a healing step. Take your time and look around the site. There is no pressure, but I can guarantee you will have validation. I am glad you have found us and wish you the best on this journey of healing. Mary
  17. MeBeMary

    Hello

    Hi Calliope, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry you have experienced childhood trauma. It was undeserved and unfair. You have yet another safe place where you are supported by a community of wonderfully kind and understanding survivors. We do walk this path together and we are not alone. You will find the same kind of validation here, perhaps with a new adult perspective. Tho it may take to to process and heal fully, there is no reason to have to do it alone. Feel free to look around our site and jump in where you feel most comfortable and share as little or as much as you like. No pressure and never any judgment. Do your own pace. I am glad you decided to reach out. I wish you well as you move forward down this path of healing. Mary
  18. Hi Mango, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry you experienced trauma last summer and any previous situations of abuse you endured. You are not alone. Your teacher recommended a very supportive and understanding community of survivors who will accept and validate your experiences. Nobody had the right to hurt you. It is incredibly brave to speak out, as I'm not sure if you are aware, it is a rare occurrence. As you likely know, it is very difficult to speak out, not knowing the reaction of others or if any re-victimization will happen. You've taken steps many of us haven't been able to...yet we do like to see justice, so I hope at the very least, he is removed from his position. I am glad you took your teacher's recommendation and joined our community. I wish you the best as you walk your path of healing. Mary BTW...the amount you shared is acceptable, as you seemed to stop where you thought was enough in a public forum, and I agree.
  19. Hi Sunflower, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for what you went thru with your ex. It was not right, fair or consensual. He used manipulation and guilt to obtain his goal, after you indicated that you did not want to. Abuser can also be good liars. He lied when he told you things like you owed him, you did not. As a couple, you both needed to make a mutual and understanding agreement. This was not there. I understand tho, not realizing the truth until much later. Believe it or not, it took me decades to realize this. I thought I had made a mistake and I should have been more clear or sure of what was happening. This happened and I was NOT in a relationship. So many other factors come into play, when you are a couple. Long-term manipulation adds to the confusion and anxiety of it all. Do know you are not alone. Take your time and look around the site. Feel free to interact, as you are comfortable with. I wish you well as you walk this path of healing. Mary
  20. Hi iluvac, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the trauma you have experienced and the struggles you have faced. I do hope you know that none of it was your fault. I am glad that you were able to share with your family and they are supportive of you. Support is a very important to have. You will find tons of it here too, as our members are kind and understanding. Mixed feeling is normal...because what we experienced is something that in un-normal. We have a hard time processing and now you have others closed to you that know. This is something nobody should have to endure, and I'm sorry you have. Joining our community is a big step and can be used in absence of your current therapist and along with your therapist when your sessions resume. Feel free to look around the site and where and when you feel comfortable you can interact. I am wishing you the very best as you continue your journey in healing. Mary
  21. Hi TiffanyLynn, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for what happened to you at 19. It was unfair and wrong and I am sorry you have struggled and now face new struggles. You have found a very supportive site tho, with many understanding and kind members. You are not alone. I do understand how this being brought up has had memories and triggers resurface, but may I say it is brave for you to help on getting this monster tried and convicted? Justice typically is rare in crimes like this and is why many do not even come forward. I am hoping that your experience will help in bringing him down. He deserves nothing more than a tiny little cell for years and years. Thank you for standing with her to try and get this to happen. I believe trauma changes us all. We want to be that same person, but it is very difficult, if not impossible to do. We must learn to be a new self and find ways to adapt and grow. Healing is never easy, but we can strive for a better tomorrow and hope to string many better tomorrows together. Again, I welcome you to our community. I wish you will as you move forward down this road of healing. Mary
  22. Hi Sj85, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the childhood trauma you've experience and the struggles that have resulted from it. I think one huge step for any survivor is identifying those unhealthy coping mechanisms. We can fall into such a huge variety of different coping methods and they are not always easy to change, as you know. I do believe even joining a site like ours and interacting with others who understand can be such a step forward in change, especially when there is little else that will connect your struggles with your cause like this. I am glad you have a T that is a good one, tho doesn't seem to be a trauma specialist. Do know that the emotions and struggles are actually normal, for the un-normal circumstances you went thru. We hope to turn some of those thoughts around. You aren't worthy of hating, no matter the circumstances. We hope you learn, in time, to let go of this viewpoint. You undervalue yourself, as it takes a strong person to survive the aftermath of such horrible things. None of this was your fault and you deserve better. Once again, welcome to our community. I am wishing you many more forward steps on this journey of healing. Mary
  23. MeBeMary

    Hello

    Hi Kaley, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the trauma you endured a few months ago, as well as ones in a more distant past. Nobody has the right to hurt another like this and I am so sorry you were. You will find support, kindness, and understanding here. You are not alone. Many of us have been like you and have tried to deny or ignore it. Sometimes the struggles associated with trauma will sadly not leave you alone. I'm sorry you have had trouble finding a therapist right for you. This can be that you are a bit apprehensive still, which is not unusual at all, plus the therapists you have seen weren't good matches for you. Tho most therapist may be qualified, if that comfort and bond doesn't develop, it isn't a good match. Perhaps when you are ready, you will try again. You do have support here tho and is an alternative to start with. It did take courage to reach out, as I know admitting you are ready to work on your struggles isn't an easy thing for anyone. I do encourage you to look around and get a feel for the place. Interact where you are comfortable and with what you are comfortable with. I wish you well as you continue this journey in healing. Mary BTW...I will send you the password to the female forum in a PM.
  24. Hi Mitchi, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for what you have been thru, it was unfair and wrong. I do hope you know you are not to blame. Nobody has the right to hurt you this way ever. You will find support in this community, tho. Our members are truly understanding and kind. Telling our story is a huge thing, be it in person with friends or family, with a therapist, or in an online group like this. It is often survivors are reluctant because we do see instance of how society reacts to it. This is deeply personal, and there is a real fear of not being taken seriously or even victim-blamed. Revealing your story can help, but you should find a way that is helpful to you and involving people you trust. Not looking at someone...stems from fear, embarrassment, and guilt. The latter too tho, is greatly unjustified, because no matter how you were hurt, it is only the person who hurt you that SHOULD BE embarrassed or shamed. We typically know tho, this is not often the case. There is no easy solution when sharing painful memories, just work on knowing it is an audience that you do trust and trying to validate yourself to yourself. We do validate what happen to you here, but there is a big difference when validating it to oneself. I am glad you decided to reach out here at AfterSilence. Take your time to look around and interact where and how much you are comfortable with. It does get easier, at least in a community with kind people and the safety you get from anonymity, too. I wish you the best, as you continue forward on this journey we call healing. Mary
  25. Hi Movingforward, Welcome to AfterSilence. I am sorry you understand trauma, but am glad that you feel past it. Healing does have many ups and downs, you are right. The idea of more balanced life is one we all would love to achieve. Our group is a diverse group of survivors in many different places, where this balance is concerned. Books are often suggested back and forward on our site, but I'm not sure if I remember this title. Thank you for sharing it. Wishing you well. Mary
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