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Jaybird13

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Everything posted by Jaybird13

  1. Nightmares disrupting my day off... Good Grief...

  2. Today I feel a bit better and have decided to get back into art... I love to do charcoal drawings...

  3. Thank you everyone again, and thank you for the resources nycgirl. I am currently not seeing a therapist but have been seriously considering it. Tonight was another rough night and each day that goes by makes me think about it more and more. I had never even thought i might have ptsd until i came here, my fiance is supportive and the fist to mention therapy when i told him about what happened seven years ago. At the time i was having violent nightmares that would wake him (this was when i decided i had to tell him) i was horrified at the thought and assumed they would validate my fear that it was all my fault. The nightmares appear to be back and the fear and flashbacks are taking over my life. This forum has made see the benefits of seeing someone and working through it. I am happy that my fiance and i have been talking about it more and more and i told him something today that I was sure I would never say aloud. As good as it felt to get out, it caused me to have a complete break down shortly after. Not doing so good at the moment but i know I took a huge step forward today. I shared one whole event with him in complete detail that i have always felt so ashamed of, and he held me and comforted me the best he could. I am lucky to have him.
  4. Thank you everyone, I really appreciate the kind words, I've been trying to get used to posting and it does feel good to get it out even if in small bursts, but I'm not sure if I feel better or worse. The memories are terrifying and trying to sort through it in my mind is suffocating. I've noticed I have been angry for the past few months and my daughter (who is 4) told me today that I need to be nice to her dad (my fiance who is my rock) because, according to her, all i do is yell at him. It was heartbreaking and left me in shock and i'm still upset about because for the past year i have been having random outbursts of anger and depression. I had also been triggering myself and trying to convince myself nothing actually happened... i don't know I'm a complete mess and i feel nothing I do is healthy for myself or my family... i've even had thoughts of leaving my family... who thinks about that? I'm sorry this was much longer than it was supposed to be. Thank you for reading...
  5. I used to draw... why don't I draw anymore?

  6. Wished for so long it would all just go away, starting to realize I need work through it and it's not going to be easy... feeling anxious.

  7. Hello, I am new hear too but it seems like a great place to begin healing. Good luck in your journey!
  8. Hi Cat, I am new here too and am looking forward to healing together
  9. Hello, I have kept everything to myself for 8 years and this seems like a great place to begin healing... Good luck and best wishes!
  10. Hello, I am having a hard time posting anything, even just a post to introduce myself, I have only told one person of my past and what happened. I am 26 years old, I have a beautiful daughter and a fiance who is very supportive and he is the only person I have talked to about what happened (I told him it happened but never gave too much detail). I was triggered really bad recently and am having a hard time with life in general it feels. I have decided to take a step forward and find support and have been perusing the forum and feel the people here can actually understand how I feel and not judge me... which is something I really need right now. I have kept this mostly to myself for 8 years and never really tried to heal properly or find any kind of help so I am very proud of myself right now. I am not quite ready to tell my story as I can barely type this without crying but I want to thank you all for giving me a place where I can feel safe and get out what has been pent up inside me for so long. Thank you and I look forward to healing together.
  11. Hello and welcome, I have not gotten the nerve yet to really post anything and understand it can be scary... I just didn't realize how hard it can be... Good luck in healing!
  12. Hi Anya, I am new here too good luck with everything, this seems like a great place for support
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