Ardatha
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Posts posted by Ardatha
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(((Belovedone)))
Welcome to After Silence! It's quite understandable that you don't feel comfortable enough yet to share your story. As the others have said already, there is plenty of time and no pressure to jump right in with it. We are a diverse family here... some bold and speak right out, others shy taking some time to find comfort first, which we offer in abundance! Welcome and I hope you find relief and healing here, or at least the beginnings of.
Cyberhugs,
Ardatha
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Welcome, Storm,
You have indeed found a wonderful place to be among sister and brother survivors here. I am so sorry you have a need to be here because children should not be exploited as we were. If nothing else, here you are among others who have had similar experiences to your own. We understand what you're going through because we are either going through it ourselves or have gone through it. Sometimes we don't have answers but we do offer support and caring up the wazoo!
Hopefully, you will learn to trust here. That seems to be a big issue. I know it took me years to learn to trust my husband, who has seen me through some of the worst times I've ever had. It can happen though. Cyberhugs,
Ardatha
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Welcome to After Silence, Brie.
I'm sorry you have a need to be here but I'm glad you have the courage to ask for help. Sometimes that's the greatest courage of all. I hope you'll like this form as much as I do and find the people as caring and comforting as I have.
Ardatha
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Hi Lindsay,
Oh, hon, what a horrible thing to have happen to you when you were 12 years old. The man who did that is a monster and I hope you're able help put him in prison where he belongs.
I think you'll find the folks on this site are very supportive and will go the distance for you. You did nothing to deserve the treatment you recieved from this monster. Please take extra care of yourself, sweetie, because it sounds like right now you are feeling a little more vulnerable than normal.
It certainly sounds like you have a very caring, and supportive group of people around you right now, which is exactly what you need. You can always PM me or anyone else here who's made this offer if you feel the need for a one on one conversation. I've never been in your shoes so I can't say I know how you feel. All I can do is be supportive and listen - and dispense gentle, caring cyberhugs if you need them. That you have so many people around you to support and care for you speaks volumes about what a precious and beautiful soul you are.
Keep in touch, dear one, and let us know how you're doing.
Ardatha
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Welcome, Kristine!
Although it would be a better world if we didn't need to be here for the reasons we are here, I'm glad you found us. I hope you find the caring and support you need here. There be some positively awesome folks here.
Ardatha
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Hi Cheerthinker,
Welcome to the forum, although your reasons for being here are sad and one shouldn't have to be here for them. From what you've said about your son and your ex, you are doing the right thing. As Nicole said the man is a monster and has already done a lot of damage to his daughters. Hopefully you've gotten help for your son quickly enough and your continued loving support will also help him to make it past this horrible thing that's happened to him. How can anyone treat their children like this and get away with it??? Heck, for that matter how can they look themselves in the face in the mirror every day and not see themselves for the monsters they are?
Best of luck to you in this situation. I think it is imperative that you keep your son away from this person, and I am confident that you will do whatever is necessary to achieve this end. You will find, I think, that this forum is full of caring and supportive people.
Ardatha
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(((MamaWolf)))
So glad you found your way over here! I'm pretty sure you'll like this group of folks. They be awesome!
Ardatha
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Welcome, AJ!!!
Wow, I'm extremely sorry to hear about you and your daughter. How old is she? I am not in your area so don't have any suggestions as to how to find a support group there. If there are none and you want to start one, maybe talk to your closest rape/survivor crisis unit? Or call RAINN - they might have some suggestions about starting one. If no rape/survivor center, then talk to some of the people in mental health in your area? Hopefully you'll be able to find someone who can advise you on the best way to go.
Ardatha
PS - To Tim: Hon, your gender shouldn't figure into this. You are a survivor, just like the rest of us and it isn't limited to gener, age, or religion as far as I know. Unfortunately, I realize real life doesn't always line itself up with our expectations and ideals. Sad.
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Hi Moonfrog!
Love your nick! Welcome to AS. I know how hard it is to introduce yourself to a new community, especially one for the problems we face, so you're showing an incredible amount of bravery in doing so. I truly hope you find the comfort and support you're looking for here. It goes without saying that I'm sorry for your need to be here but am glad you found a site that appears to be as welcoming as you need. This is one of the best I've seen and the people here are very caring and supportive.
Ardatha
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Hi Jaida!
Welcome to After Silence. That's a beautiful name, by the way. Take your time, hun. No pressure here at all. When you're ready to share, we'll be here for you to offer our love and support. Until then, read the messages others have written. I'm sure they'll put you at ease right away because you are not alone and that feels really good.
Ardatha
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Welcome, SLG!
Hon, my heart went out to you with your first post. I cannot begin to count how many times I've started to post something then simply cancelled it out.
We all go through it but the wonderful thing is that here they/we understand. Thank you for coming back and introducing yourself. I'm pleased to meet you, although very sorry for the reasons that brought you here. I hope this place helps you as much as it has helped others and me. It's a very good place with many caring people who will listen at the drop of a hat. Hang in there, sweetie. It does get better... sometimes it seems that it gets better too slowly but, you know, even slow progress is progress nonetheless. Ardatha
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Hello and welcome, Sharon. I think it probably is a start in the right direction because when you can let it out and talk about it, it loses some of its power over you. I hope you understood that. ;)
Stay safe,
Ardatha
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(((Angelhugs)))
Sweetheart, do yourself a favor and get the locks changed on your apartment. It's not terribly expensive and can save you much grief. Maybe you could ask your landlord to do it for you. I think your peace of mind deserves that much, hon.
Good luck,
Ardatha
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Hello Jolanda,
Good for you for finding your courage, dear one. Welcome here, also. I'm really sorry to hear that you need to be here but this is a good place to be. The people here are very supportive and understanding. Best wishes with your therapy. It can be one of the most valuable tools you'll ever find.
Stay safe,
Ardatha
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Welcome, Lana,
I'm sorry for your need to be here but I'm glad you found us. Hopefully, you will find comfort and support here. These are very nice people who care deeply about others.
Stay safe,
Ardatha
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ps- I love gay/bi men. They are like ... the best. I think most girls would agree with me too heheh. :o <3 <3
Alysure, I would certainly be one of those girls who agree with you. One of my dearest friends in the whole world was a gay guy who worked as a cook at the psych hospital I worked in about 20 years ago. He was so much fun to hang around with and there was never that sexual tension you have as a woman when you're hanging around a hetero man. I've always liked hanging around gay men... they're usually very funny and make the best confidantes!
Matt, good on you, lad! You're taking steps to address the problems you see yourself as having and that's always a good thing for any of us to do. I certainly wish for you the best success dealing with these issues.
Will you be my buddy? I think you'd be great fun to hang with!
Gentle and loving hugs,
Ardatha
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"Thank you all again for the support and for the respect & thanks for the job I do. I'm accustomed to being cussed out. "
That's truly a shame because our Police force is the only thing that stands between us and total anarchy. Laws need to be enforced for the safety of the general public and it seems you are doing your job as best you can. That's all we can ask of you. I would imagine the ones doing the cussing are walking on the wrong side of the law, in which case please don't take it to heart. I think of it as a sign that you're doing your job very well, indeed! The next time some criminal cusses you out, thank him. It's actually a compliment to you and your dedication to duty.
I sincerely hope being here is a good place for you to be. I'm sorry for the reasons that you need to be here but it's also good to know that our police force has such a dedicated individual on it. (I use the term "our police force" as a general phrase to include all dedicated policemen/women since I don't know where you're locate.) Keep on keeping on, dear one. I, for one, am glad you've found the strength to do so. Be proud of yourself for that strength and for making the decision to post in this forum. That shows you truly do care, and this is a good thing. If the police psychologist isn't addressing the issues you want to address, tell him/her. After all, it is your therapy.
Stay safe,
Ardatha
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(((((Matt)))))
Wow, do you have a boatload of grief to deal with or what??? First off, I'm sorry for your need to be here but I'm glad you found this site. This is a comforting and safe place to be.
Second, please don't be so hard on yourself about your homosexuality. Yes, some people are homophobic and may try to add tons of guilt to your already heavy load. Don't let them. It's not like it's an active choice you made nor can you simply decide not to be. Not being homosexual myself I cannot truly appreciate all you've gone through but I am responsible for my feelings and attitude about it. I just recently found out a very dear friend is gay and let me reassure you that it has not changed my feelings about her one little iota. She's still a wonderfully talented poet, a delightful person, and will always be my "daughter." (We adopted each other many years ago and she still calls me mom to this day.)
Third, I am very glad to hear you are addressing the issue of your attraction to young boys. I hope you are successful in that, because you seem like a truly decent person, despite what you believe/think of yourself, and I know you would not want to be responsible for harming even one child. Good on you for addressing this side of you and taking steps to squelch it. I think very highly of you for this.
Fourth, is there a therapist available to you? A good one won't try to "cure" you of your homosexuality but they can help you address the serious issues you have with self-esteem and other problems. It seems to me that low self-esteem is one of your biggest problems and truly needs work on it.
Fifth - again, don't be so hard on yourself. I can see only one serious issue that you need to address and, from reading your original message, it looks like you are taking steps to do so. You did not ask for ask for the problems you've been facing and certainly should not be held accountable for those experiences. It's what you do with the future that will be one of your most difficult challenges. I think you'll do well, though. You certainly have it in you to do so and have proven yourself to be stronger than those around you. Best of luck to you, Matt.
Stay safe,
Ardatha
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Welcome to you, Jes. I'm fairly new here myself.. I hope you enjoy it here as much as I do.
Stay safe,
Ardatha
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Welcome, Eskiers! I'm truly sorry you have the need for a place like this but since you do, you've found a very good place to be. I'm looking forward to getting to know you and hope you find what you are looking for here.
Stay safe,
Ardatha
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Healingcop, every person has something to offer. To think that you don't somehow seems to me that you are undervaluing yourself. Please don't do that. If nothing else you can lend an understanding ear which is frequently needed by survivors of sexual abuse. I'm sure you'd agree with me on that. Being supportive to survivors of sexual abuse is also a very valuable gift of yourself to offer. That you are also a police officer shows that you have the heart needed to reach out to the people here who are hurting and need just that much from you. As a survivor of rape, you can also expect that there are many here who've been there too and they can help you further your healing process. So, you see there are many benefits to being a survivor and a supporter of other suvivors.
The suggestion of finding a good therapist has much merit. A good one can help tremendously. It's what they do.
Stay safe,
Ardatha
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Hello Ceekay,
I'm truly sorry you have the need to be here but this is a very good place to be when you have the need. I'm a newcomer myself but I can tell from the messages that I've read so far that the folks here truly care and will try to support you in any way they can. Just remember that you are not alone. Take deep breaths and gather your thoughts as best you can. Then you will have a better idea how to proceed. Meanwhile, we're here for you.
Stay safe,
Ardatha
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Ellaneese, the hardest thing to do is talk and share but it's what will get you through to start the process of healing the fastest. I know, I've been there.
Welcome to this wonderful place from another new person. I sincerely hope you find what you need here.{{{gentle hugs}}}
Ardatha
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Queenie, thank you. My husband tells me that all the time, but you know, I don't feel strong at all. I guess I must be to be a survivor (I refuse to be a victim) but how come I never feel like it? LOL
I love the quotes at the end of your message, too!
Domestic Violence
in Public: Welcome!
Posted · Edited by Ardatha
Hi Abused 29,
Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you need to be here but this is a good place to be when you need support, comfort, and friendship.
As for your situation with your boyfriend... abusive men rarely ever change. Unless he actually goes to therapy for anger management and other behavioral problems he seems to have there isn't a snowball's chance he'll change. If he does go to therapy it's going to take him a lot longer than two weeks to change. The odds are really against him doing that and changing, though. Every time you go back and stay for the abuse you are enabling him to continue the behavior. You deserve a lot better, believe me. Abuse has absolutely no place in a relationship.
There are a lot of web sites dealing with the facts of abusive relationships and you might do yourself a favor and look them up on google. Then you can make a more informed decision about how to handle the situation. Obviously it is your choice to make and nobody else's. I urge you to learn the facts first, hon.
Ardatha