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louiseroi

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About louiseroi

  • Birthday 02/19/1984

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    Female

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    Survivor

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  1. Yes, I think that the denial is a way of protecting ourselves from acknowledging the very real danger that we were in.That people who are frightened for their lives by an imposition of sexual violence will behave in ways they wouldn't, normally. I struggle with the fact that my r**s in my 20s triggered a suppressed memory of an episode of csa when I was about 10. Common to all experiences was a feeling that I was worthless, just a body to be used, and the easier I made it to be used the sooner I got to walk away.Dissociation played a part. It is still quite hard to accept quite how damaging this has been. But it helps to know I am not alone
  2. Welcome.Sorry for the reasons that bring you here.Its not uncommon to deny abuse for years and years.There are such taboos about it and no-one wants to see themselves as a victim,its hard but I think its part of the journey to becoming a survivor.Good luck.
  3. Welcome to AS. Its a particular pain that goes with surviving familial abuse of any kind,I have had to accept I will never get the closure I need from my family, but I no longer try to placate or in any way gain their approval, unless its for a conscious purpose.For a while in my youth I tried to escape myself in toxic relationships and even being in a religious cult.But we can never really escape ourselves and have to heal from it all somehow.
  4. Welcome.I've found AS very helpful. For one thing, it helped me realise I was not the only one who seemed to have been like a serial victim/survivor...it happens, but its not your fault.
  5. So sorry that you and your daughter had that happen. The person who did this deserves to be punished.
  6. Welcome, its a big step but AS is very supportive. If you put the letters TW (trigger warning) in front of any post you are concerned might trigger others then they can avoid it. I really love that AS is anonymous I can share things I never would normally and the feedback I get is really helpful and validating.It helps to overcome the shame knowing others have experienced similar things. Its a process not a one stop shop has been the hardest thing for me to accept.Currently seeing a T who does CBTand on a break from r*** crisis counselling. I just wanted to try CBT to get a handle on my emotions and feeling paralysed and overwhelmed at times.
  7. welcome, though sorry that events in your life have brought you here.Good luck with your healing. AS has helped me , get r** crisis counselling, and great advice from fellow survivors.
  8. Welcome,I hope you find it helpful as I know I do.
  9. Welcome, I to struggled to come to terms with the fact I was a victim of csa .Harder almost than the grooming and abuse by the paedophile is the fact that my family was so dysfunctional nothing was done about it. That almost hurt more than being abused.
  10. very moving.I can relate. Thanks 4 sharing
  11. Sorry to hear about what you are going through.Have you tried a helpline? Sometimes it helps, just to get help dealing with anxiety,etc. Also, your doctor may know of programmes or other therapy options.You are worth having help, I hope that you find some soon.AS has helped me, I now see a T through a r*** crisis organisation, even though the r*** happened over 30 years ago.
  12. Sorry for the reasons that bring you here, but welcome. It took me about 30 years after the abuse happened to me in childhood, to admit it and to how much it damaged me.I spoke to police but they said it was too long ago to do anything about.I'm not sure this is true but as my perpetrator is 81 now I dont want to open a can of worms. I had a lot of behavioural issues growing up and my family was hopeless in giving me any real support. They dont want to deal, with the reality of me having been abused, on their watch, and the following psychological problems not adequately addressed, either. I keep them all at arms length, now. I have enough to deal with, healing from it all, to have people who are supposed to care doubting and even worse, blaming me. I have friends who get it instantly and are supportive, and this site is great, too. Good luck on your healing journey.
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