Reporting varies so much in each individual experience. I guess it's worth remembering that you can expect to be treated with dignity and given support at the time of reporting, anything less and somebody isn't doing their job?
I was lucky, I did have a supportive liaison officer who took the time to show up and feedback etc. I also had a supportive husband, who I shut out and wouldn't let near. In many respects the fight to protect him from hearing what had happened was bigger and harder than the reporting itself?
I think the most challenging part for me was damage done to relationships. A few friendships took a hit for a while (because they were involved in the court hearing), and a comment to the effect that I didn't do enough in court to ensure a conviction (from somebody who wasn't there incidentally!) came as a blow. With hindsight the best place to put such a remark is where it belongs...in the ignorant box...but as you know humans can be funny things, we don't always apply common sense and I subsequently internalised the remark and held myself entirely to blame for a not guilty verdict for a long time afterwards. (Truth is that maybe I was having that niggle in the first place?).
With time I've come to put the whole court process in it's place, equally I've come to understand the responses of friends, and those around at the time. I recognise that the not guilty verdict doesnt translate to 'we a whole jury think you are a liar' but rather 'we a jury haven't been presented with enough evidence to remove ALL reasonable doubt'. I don't kid myself and pretend that maybe they secretly wanted to convict lol, but equally I understand that it was a legal process and I wasn't being judged. It's difficult to step away from it though and not take the whole thing personally and I occasionally find myself reverting to old patterns of thinking. I'm not without moments when I might beat myself up about it, but equally in those moments I can beat myself up about just about anything, so hardly a yardstick to judge by? Generally I have a clearer perspective on the process and can now see it rationally. I did what I needed to do at the time, and I handled it the only way that I could at the time. Regardless of the outcome, and the headache it brought me, it was the right thing to do at the time and I don't regret it.
Hindsight is cruel, and the reporting process isn't the piece of cake we need it to be at the time. I don't know if I would report again with the benefit of hindsight but I am aware that my viewpoint is a little distorted by virtue of having had the experience. This probably makes it hard for anybody who has been through the process to be entirely positive about it? Would I encourage somebody else to report? Probably every time.
Is there a counsellor / therapist you could talk through your options with?