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About BeautifullyBroken

  • Birthday 06/11/1988

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    Music (indie, classic rock), books, poetry, Sylvia Plath, independent films, abnormal psychology, art, stars, cultures, castles, the medieval era, exotic food, travelling, university, theatre, meeting new people, friends, wine, animals, the ocean, adventures, escapism, photography, creativity, internet, anything interesting.

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  1. I told my parents about my csa in August and they have not mentioned it since.. and over Christmas, they recieved a Christmas card from my abusers family.. they put it up..I found it.. I cannot fathom why they would do such a thing.. also, when I got into university (in September) they were saying things like "things will be all right now" and as if everything would be 'just right' when I go.. as if it turns out that I am having a very good time, and I try not to think of what happened.. but yes.. the silence can be confusing/annoying/variety of things I guess sometimes people just don't know what to do or say.. and they think that by saying nothing, they are not making anything worse.
  2. Oh my Goodness...I've just remembered I've had that 'that's a horrible thing to say' comment too. It is infuriating! Why are people so stupid?!! 'What do you want me to do about it?' I've had that too. Ugh.. oh and last weekend, after being sexually assaulted (again) my friend said "Well it's expected at clubs"... she was drunk at the time but still.
  3. From a friend: "What EXACTLY happened?" (As if the details are that important...) "I can't believe it" (Gee, thanks...) "That's the worst thing anyones ever told me" (Just make me feel even worse) "So that's why you're screwed up...it makes sense now" (Well I'm glad you think it all 'makes sense') "Do you still think about it then?" (No, idiot, I can simply click my heels together and forget everything) My dad: "What happened? What exactly happened? Did he {insert something sexual here}?" (Why does it matter so much..the fact is that it happened, why are the details so important?) "Why didn't you tell anyone? Why didn't you tell me?" (I was 8. As if I even knew what was happening, let alone put it into words) "Where were you? How could it have happened?" (YOU tell ME. I was a child... how the hell should I know why I was where I was?) Another friend: "I wouldn't have thought it would have happened to you. I mean you don't seem effected by it..." (I didn't realize I had to fit a certain criteria in order to be a victim of csa..) I've also had many other remarks in regard to sexual assault, such as: "It's because you're pretty" "It's flattering really, a lot of guys must think you're pretty" etc etc Argh there is so much ingnorance in this world, I just feel numb
  4. I just hate how I feel. I have held it all together for years but now it is as though I am falling apart piece by piece...I have this terrible feeling that one of these days I won't be able to stop screaming. I just want to get away from everything.
  5. Hello, I've just joined too. I am really sorry for what you are going through...I know how much it hurts. I too am meant to be going to university soon, but I can't even think about that right now. I feel as though I want to be cocooned somewhere, away from everything. I wish I could say something to help you and make everything better. I wish someone could do the same for me. I just keep hoping that one day, we will all heal...
  6. Thanks...it is nice to know people care and want to help =) I have thought about therapy...and when I told my parents, my dad suggested it. But therapy goes against what I have been trying to maintain for many years: 'I can deal with it by myself'. Its very important to me to be strong, but I can feel it fading. I don't know how to even go about therapy. Also I forgot to mention something. My dad was sexually abused when he was a child too. I guess it doesn't make it easier for him to help me though...
  7. Hello, I'm Helen and I'm 18. I came here because it helps to know that I am not alone, and I was hoping that I could get advice from people who have been through a similar situation. I was sexually abused from when I was 8-10, by a family friend. Not a friend of my parents, but a friend of my cousins and Aunt. I have been abused emotionally and physically too (not by the same person), but the memories of the sexual abuse came flooding back to me last October. Since then, I have been trying very hard to hold myself together and get on with life as usual; do my exams, etc. However, the past few weeks have been so difficult...I'd been under a lot of pressure anyway and just reached breaking point. I had a kind of breakdown with my best friend on August 17th, and we both ended up crying and screaming and holding each other (she was abused by her brother). I am incredibly grateful to have her, as she has been the one getting me through everything, and vice versa. But the minute she isn't there I feel terrible again. Last Tuesday, I was in a bad way and felt as though I couldn't cope anymore, with anything. I felt as though I was going insane, couldn't stop crying, and ended up telling my parents. I never wanted to tell them, as I didn't want to ruin their image of me being their 'perfect princess'. I never wanted them to know how ruined I felt. When I told them, they were in deep shock and devastated. My dad wanted to know all the facts (which didn't help), and they kept saying that I should have told them sooner, and why didn't I? Truth is, they never really listen. And there have been signs all along. But I don't blame them for not knowing...there is no way I would do that. Since I told them, they have not mentioned anything. My dad mentioned my mums reaction briefly, but that was it. Their reaction is screwing me up even more, as it is like they are doing what they always do: ignore the situation, pretend it will go away. I've been feeling very depressed, and just staying in my room. I don't feel like seeing anyone. My mum told me yesterday that she presumed I was 'down' because of 'university stuff'! (I am yet to know if I have got into university or not). I can't believe this is what she honestly thinks. To be honest, I have spent the past 6 years planning to go to university, thinking it will be a 'fresh start', but I don't even care right now. Thats how bad I feel. It's like it doesn't matter where I am, I will still feel like this. My parents think that if I get into university, everything will be just wonderful. I can't stand it. I can see no way out of this... I would give anything to feel whole again. Sorry this is so long...I hope it is okay me being here, as I don't know where/who else to turn to.
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