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    New Jersey, USA

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  1. saxifraga

    What Is Perfect?

    In a perfect world, I would never have suffered abuse. I would have loving relationships with my entire family. My mom would be a whole human being whom I could talk to about anything. In fact, my mom would be a different person. Having a perfect conversation with my mom about my abuse would require her to BE a different person, and I guess that's part of why I'm so frustrated with her. I want her to be the kind of person I could lean on, but when I'm with her, I always feel like I have to stand separate, apart from her on my own two feet. She's just not emotionally reliable. If for just ten
  2. saxifraga

    Just Admit It Already

    Sometimes I get so angry at my mother. Like a wall broken in a dam, the anger comes rushing in, and all at once I am PISSED. I want to smack her, yell at her, make her feel some IOTA of the pain I feel. And all she's done is ask me what I want for dinner. I'll probably never tell this to anyone I know, but sometimes I wish I could live in a fantasy world with my mother. She seems to remember only what is convenient about my childhood, and firmly disputes any negatives. "Oh," she says, "I wasn't the best mother, but we had good times, right? What about those memories? How come you only remembe
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