Jump to content

IDoLoveMyPhD

Member
  • Content Count

    11
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female

Previous Fields

  • MembershipType
    Survivor

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

  1. Hi all, My name is Asheley and I'm a survivor of sexual abuse that began at age 4 and ended at age 15, all by my stepfather. I only started to really "deal" with this over the last year. I've spent all my life up until now in denial that the abuse had any effect on me. I'm now pregnant with my third child and have suddenly become completely terrified at the thought of giving birth. I'm terrified of how I react to the pain, I'm terrified of losing control, I'm terrified of depression relapse. Everything. I'm so overwhelmed by it that it's sending me spiraling down into depression again, and forcing me to relive so much of my abuse. I've been fighting depression because of the abuse for as long as I can remember. I'm doing relatively well now, but have started having all sorts of scary thoughts again. It's very frustrating to me that I can't just "get over it". Here I am, with a PhD, a great career ahead of me, a new house, a great husband, two wonderful kids and much-wanted third on the way, but I can't get past my own pain. I feel like a total failure that I can't just be happy with what I have. I guess I'm just hoping to find some people that understand that it hurts, no matter what it may look like on the outside. Asheley
×
×
  • Create New...