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Posts posted by vakry

  1. What I like to do is say trigger warning and explain what might be in the post I think could be sensitive ...

    Example: Trigger warning: contains self harm - not graphic or graphic. Trigger warning for profanity. Trigger warning for graphic detail of abuse.

    A run down of what I think might trigger. If I am not sure it's a trigger I will put the warning anyway and again the topic I plan to bring up and let others decide if they want to read. Most my posts will have a trigger warning or should have one. See my name I'm a walking trigger warning. ..

    I also want to take a moment to urge self care. This is really important. This is a site for survivors to get support. The topics all over the forum aren't going to be very pretty. Please ground yourself or do something nice or prepare for triggers. Moderators do the best they can and we as a community do best as we can, but the fact is being a survivor and talking about issues is going to bring up a LOT of nasty things I wish we didn't have to go through. Coming here sometimes might not be safe. There are days, weeks, and months I don't come here because it is not safe for me to read certain things. Sometimes avoiding those particular forums that could trigger me isn't enough. Sometimes the list of recent topic titles will trigger me. And that is OKAY for me and for you to take a break at anytime. I urge self care. And when I say titles that trigger me are not at all in any violation or need an official trigger warning. I often struggle with the words doll and uncle.. certain holidays. Some days those normal every day words bother me. Sometimes like right now I'm good with those words. I don't want anyone avoiding or censoring themselves with those words. Use them. I do have self care methods in place that help me if I do get triggered I urge everyone that has triggers to look for something that helps them that's safe and effective and more than one something. A tool box. The more tools you have the better.

  2. Yeah it means people deleted it. I start doing that in waves so people might be getting that from mine too. I do it to those that are getting old or "resolved" as in nothing really new to add to conversation. I start fresh if I have something to say to person or they start new one too. :) Only so much space in box so good to clear out them once in a while.

  3. Sorry you're feeling a bit displaced. I understand how you feel perfectly. There are younger members floating around if you are more comfortable around your own age. That is perfectly understandable. However, don't discount the older folks completely. I've found a kinship with members twice my own age. I'm 26 if you're curious. There are those older that have experiences similar to mine or cope the same way I have or still do. So, age really doesn't matter much to me. Everyone that I've come across here at AS has helped me. I hope you find some people you can connect with that would make you feel more comfortable.

    You can tell as little or as much as you are comfortable and at your own pace. I recommend using the My Story section or sections with specific types of Sexual Assaults or both! They are more secure places. If you go into detail place up a trigger warning. The words will come to you. It takes time and the words change. There are things I didn't have words for and still discovering new ones even after being here for months! You are heard and understood here. It's one of those things that unfortunately sometimes only other survivors or experienced professionals can really grasp sometimes.

    Sexual Assault is personal. I have embarrassment over things about it. Everyone is different and use different coping mechanisms. However, you're not alone. The negatively is normal. We all feel it. I still feel it. I am getting better about it. We are all in various different stages of healing. It takes time. However, it does not have to control you and does not make you who you are. Time. Patience. Work at it. If you don't believe it yet... maybe later you will. You said what happened to you is quite recent so that makes it really hard and fresh. I'm sorry you have to be here.

    And more than welcome to PM me anytime if you feel comfortable and want to, if not no worries. Take care of yourself.

  4. Welcome! :) Take some time getting to know people around here. Read some posts. Learn about people. Discover you are not alone and don't have to go through it alone.

  5. Hello! Welcome! I like your handle. I saw this post on FB once that said "Anxiety, Depression [and list of others] doesn't make you weak, it just means you have been strong too long." I don't know where you come up with your name, but that post helped me a lot and still does. When I get panicky or get in those crying spells I feel like I'm weak, so I sometimes need something to remind me why I'm that way and to help me get through it. After Silence has helped find other tools that help me in a lot of different ways. I found people here who understand me and don't judge me. I feel like I'm less alone here. I hope you find that here as well. It's okay to be nervous. :)

  6. Generally a teenager could handle her own treatment and check herself for lumps. If she did not know how to do that a doctor or a parent would demonstrate/explain it or maybe do it the first time, but repetitively is concerning. But my family is a little odd too.

    My sister thought she felt a lump and asked my mom to feel (she's 23) for a second opinion. And my mom only felt the area thought to have a lump. Turns out it was nothing. My mom is a breast cancer survivor. So, it is a concern. Understandable. My family is weirdly comfortable with nudity and each other so.. me being in the same room was never a problem. I'd be brushing my teeth and suddenly I'd be barged in on by any on of them needing to pee or shower or whatever they felt couldn't wait too minutes. My mom would barge in to get laundry and I could be intimate with someone. She wouldn't look or anything weird. Probably did it on purpose. It would be as effective as throwing ice down my pants having my mom show up.. so yeah. That is normal. I know lots of family like that.


    However... there was this time. A doctor didn't so much as say hello. He came in the room. He removed the diaper of my infant daughter and did an external vaginal exam. No explanation NOTHING. I'm guy. I only have basic ideas of necessary feminine exams and the only ones I was aware of happen after puberty generally. I was ready to deck him. He noticed and backed off and explained that sometimes things stick together down there in infancy. He said it's normal and nothing to be alarmed about and he was looking for that. He said that she might need some ointment put on it to keep it from sticking that's just applied topically with a finger. You want me to do what now? That's not happening. I looked into this. It is true what is he was saying. In girls if sticks it would cause a UTI and pretty sure that would be unpleasant, but generally it's not a concern and solves itself. It's rare any treatment is done for it. What he wanted to give me was female hormones that elder women use.... He wanted me to take female hormone cream and spread it with my finger along my infant daughter. The cream is not intended for infants so that's dangerous AND what if he told that to a pedophile? "But the doctor told me to do it...." ..... And I really would not be surprised if the parent got off easy for stupidity. Even in boys in infancy the foreskin does stick sometimes and could cause infections, but again rare. So he could be secondary sexually assaulting children! I made a huge stink that day about it. Everyone that could hear in that office heard all about it and I sent it up the chain too. He will not be a doctor. Thankfully my daughter has a doctor I really like and do trust. I have dealt with diaper rash so I understand some things happen that need some assist. I'm not unreasonable. I'm just really uncomfortable and paranoid. It's my biggest fear.

    The point is there might be more involved in the story than you might know about. But still. That's not right at all. I'm so sorry....

  7. I am sorry you have to be here, but glad you are seeking support. There are amazing people on this board that have helped me feel a lot less alone and less crazy. I hope you find that here. I'm struggling with calling myself a survivor. I'll say it now, but I don't feel like it yet. Our stories are similar in the who and what as far as basics go. I don't know about ages of my childhood trauma... seven for a fact, but sure how long or anything. An uncle. And as a teen I was r*ped. Only I never screamed and no one ever new until I broke my silence years later. Until AS (I joined early September) only two people knew. Since other than AS I have told three more. So, AS is helping me talk about it.

  8. Hi -

    I'm finally writing after spending a long time reading. Everyone seems so brave and so friendly. It's refreshing to see people supporting each other and being kind to each other. Though also very intimidating - I wish I were so brave and so kind.

    I'm pretty terrified to be writing this. I have been searching for a support group in my area but been turned away from the Crisis Center twice - once because of my work schedule and once because "they felt it wasn't time". I checked all the hospitals and other womens' centers too - but no luck. I'm hoping maybe it's ok for me to be here; I'm not sure when the right time will be for me to deserve support or how to make that happen. I am afraid to be turned away so I hope at least I won't be a bother to anyone here.

    It seems pretty awful to feel relieved that someone else is feeling some of the stuff I am - but I feel that way anyway. Thanks to those of you who have posted things I can relate to and making me feel a little less alone. And to all of you - I'm so sorry you have reason to be here and I hope you find healing and peace.


    Lexi, I'm sorry you had a rough time of it. It does bother me they said that. You do deserve support! And you will get it here. I'm sorry you have need to be here, too. But that is not your shame or your fault. I'm glad you found some things around here already that help you.

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