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guessangelina

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    Female

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  • MembershipType
    Survivor

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  1. Well, I'm back here again..I don't have any place to go...I have been on EMK previously, but since I'm not in the dating world, I dropped out.My best friend won't answer my calls, my mother died in January. ..I have no one to talk to, no place to go. Actually, my special friend and I were sort of moving forward. ..but with him, he dumps me in a heartbeat...this time we are suppose to be working towards marriage, he wants to move to the middle of nowhere...I do not! Then after all of these years, I finally got him to say those 3 words...i.e."I love you"...oh my gosh...after he finally said them
  2. I see by my previous posting, it has been a while since I was last on here. I feel safe coming to this site- because i can post truth...anyway, since about last August, I have been dating the man who assaulted me a couple of years ago. We certainly have a different interpretation of the event. No means no. Of course, I should not have been where i was- and he interpreted the place as a "yes, you can!" I have gone over this a couple of times with my very closest of friends- some know more than the others. Yes, I should not have been where I was...but no still means no in every language there is
  3. I haven't been on this site for a while...my mother just died...I have been going on and off the roller coaster again since August with the man that assaulted me almost two years ago..we had a couple of discussions about the event. We will never see it the same way...he sees the event that it is my fault, for being at the place- the behaviors were an expectation and he did not believe I meant it when I said "no". Can I really say he does not believe what he is saying? He is such a liar...the force of his arms holding me down against my will was hardly "an expectation that this would take place
  4. I haven't been here for a while...but I feel this is such a safe place to deal with my own recent abuse...somehow the issues of long ago keep coming back over and over again...yes, I have started seeing my old flame, the one that abused me a year ago...somehow I have come to terms with it- have addressed it with a friend, posted it on a few sites, even discussed it with him...I should not have been where I was- that is the bottom line! I will forever take that responsibility! Some have told me that he was frustrated and...well, anyway- the reason I come here today is something else came up Fri
  5. I haven't been on here for quite a while...not sure if that is a good thing- if that means I am doing better or not. However, the movie- Sleeping With The Enemy comes to my mind....I bought that movie several months ago...I just wanted to see it...anyway, after all of these months, I started dating the perpetrator again...it is as if it is the only way I can go back and "undue" what happened...I wrote something powerful one day, before he contacted me again...I went back in time to the moment he contacted me years ago via telephone- journaled that event, rewrote that event! He called me up..my
  6. Well Valentines was one of the worst one....I was back with the offender...but not really! He sent me one of those bears you order on TV with my name engraved on it...would make one think he cares- right? wrong...he later told me "I was afraid you would commit suicide if I didn't give you something!" What? Suicide...anyway, for weeks now, this man has continued to cut me off...the last time we went out was at the restaurant when he flirted with the waitress...he has refused to see me since, stating I am too jealous, blah,blah,blah...something smelled in Denmark...he had been over in the Philip
  7. There are so many like you who were born into families made from hell...but somehow we survived these families...I wonder sometimes what I did to be born into such a destructive family system...and then working in OB- looking at some of these precious newborn infants being born drug positive, fathers abandonding them, history of domestic violence, etc- I have to stop and think about these precious innocent babies...they did nothing in their preearth life to deserve to be born into a drug addicted system, as well...God loves them, I tell myself, and God loves me too. I'm not so sure about that
  8. Thanks for sharing your story...Christmas is a painful time for you, understandably!
  9. You did really good walking away from the elephant in the room.
  10. It is great to do something for yourself....yesterday- that is what I did for myself...I went back to the show with the Meetup group...yes, it was to the same theatre that I sat with the man so many times- the same man after nine years who finally abused me...but I still went to the place..i went with the group and had a wonderful time! Yes, I did this for myself, as well!
  11. So, I haven't visited the site recently...I have missed being here and supporting others...the pain still is with me...yes, I am seeing the perpetrator again...isn't that the typical pattern- the abused returns to the abuser? Anyway, I am staying in safe places...New Years Eve is approaching- and he hadn't asked me out for a date for that night...so, I just flat out asked him what he was doing...he didn't give me any plans- so after himming/hawing- he asked me out...then the excuses "I can't stand or be seated in places for long periods of time...why don't we rent some movies and go to a motel
  12. I baby-sat 5 grandchildren while my daughter could go earn some money in her business. Being 63 and taking care of 5 children is certainly different than raising 8 children during my 20's- 30's and 40's. My health was better then- but I do not want to complain- I am just glad that I can help my daughter and her family in some small way! My exhusband came by...he is getting ready for major surgery...he wants to divide the last of our household items- which means he probably will sell our house. I feel sad...now I feel the pain that I am really losing the only home I have ever loved or cared f
  13. Yes, I am o.k....I still see him off and on...now his thing is to throw in my face being called a "rapist"....and now he is angry that I have also called him a "liar"! Really? Like, he is neither? How about both? I just keep going over and over in my mind "why me, and why now?"...I so trusted him....
  14. Well, I didn't know where else to journal...so this appears to be my safe place...another anniversary- that of my Baptism...many years ago...except- something always goes wrong each year when I try to celebrate one of the happiest days of my life...yes, it was a new start for me...the anniversary was on Saturday this year, the original took place on a Thanksgiving Day many years ago..but on this day- such a boring day...but I really didn't mind...then, I went to church the following morning...as I sat through the meeting, I opened my scriptures to 2 Samuel: 13: 12- and I read about Tamar getti
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