Hi everyone, i'm new here. I'm not sure if i belong here, or if i should even be telling anyone my situation. But telling complete strangers is a lot better than telling personal friends and family. Let's start off by saying i'm seventeen years old and my boyfriend is twenty-one years old. We met each other on Facebook, and found out we were only 2 miles away from each other. We have now known each other for a little over a year. He started off as being nice and overall a complete sweet guy. Our first conflict was when he told me he had a fantasy of murder after watching his brother murder their father & he went into graphic details about how he wants to torture and kill someone. That is when i ended all contact with him and ignored all calls and text messages. 3 weeks of ignoring him he some how found out my address (later found out he GEO tagged one of my pictures) and he showed up at my home at night while my mother was at work. He confronted me and was literally begging me to talk to him again, he repeatedly apologized for scaring me off. We made an agreement that if he didn't mention anything like that again then i would talk to him again. He was back to being his sweet self. Until 2 months later, he got upset that i was hanging out with one of my guy friends a lot. He said he trusted me but he didn't trust other guys around me. When i told him i wasn't going to leave ANY of my friends he completely turned beyond aggressive. He wrote me a 5 paragraph email basically telling me to go kill myself, i'm worthless, i'm a sl*t, i'm better off dead, i'm fat, i'm ugly, i'm nothing but rape meat (he knew i was raped in my past and he knew how much it hurt me). After reading that email i completely broke down and went into full blown depression. 2 days later he blows up my phone and called over 70 times and texted me over 100 times telling me he was sorry, he didn't mean any thing he said, he was drunk, it was a mistake, i pushed him over the edge, it wont ever happen again. after dealing with him pleading for forgiveness on the 8th day of constant texts and phone calls i finally gave in and took him back... now i realize how much of an idiot i was for ever letting him back in my life. He keeps telling me to remember all the good times we had, he tells me we have more good times than bad times. i did eventually end up leaving 3 of my bestest guy friends just so he wouldn't yell at me. We had our occasional arguments often, but the next big one happened 9 days ago. We were hanging out, cuddling, then he brought up that i shouldn't go to college here. I told him i was going to go to college here because i have to live with my mom and she wants me to go to the local college near us. He said i should wait. He told me i would only end up in debt, that it would be a waste of time. He told me when i turn 18 this year that he was going to snatch me up and bring me to CA (3,000 miles away from where i am now) with him so i would live with him on military base and told me it would be easier if we got married so i could stay with him on base and get benefits through the military. He told me marriage isn't that much of a difference than what we have going on now. He told me i would be able to divorce him any time i wanted. i told him i wasn't comfortable with any of that- i think he noticed my behavior change so he quickly changed the subject and told me i better never leave him or mess with anyone while he is gone for 3 months at boot camp (he is now at boot camp) or else i would end up getting my ass kicked. He then turned sweet and nice, and started kissing me. Eventually he got on top of me and was pulling my pants down i told him no not yet but he told me he's my man and i have to do it for him then told me to be quite and said he "i know you want it baby". As he started pushing it in me it hurt so bad that i told him to please stop but he told me that he would go slow but within two minutes he went as fast and hard as he could and held my mouth so i couldn't say anything or yell. i started crying then he stopped and his whole attitude changed, he grabbed me and hugged me and kept saying "i'm so sorry baby i really am sorry i just couldn't control myself baby i'm sorry please forgive me i won't let it happen again i promise please I'm sorry" - at this point i was numb and didn't know what to do or even what to say. so i just shook my head, i basically blocked it out and pretended it never happened. He went back to being nice and cuddled with me but he still kept apologizing. that night was the last night i have seen him- because that morning he had to leave for boot camp. He didn't ejaculate inside me, but he also didn't wear a condom either. i just hope that i don't end up pregnant, there is no way i can handle a baby right now. I still have bruises all over my body from that night, and it's been 9 days but they are still visible. I don't know what to do, or what to even think about everything. Maybe he really couldn't control his self, maybe he really is sorry, or maybe he meant to do everything all along. i know if i leave him while he's at boot camp and he comes home and finds out i left he will seriously harm me. i just don't know.... i'm lost. someone please give me advice, or opinions - anything please.