atherton

need someone to sit with me, having a hard time.

He died and I feel nothing except relief that he won't ever hurt another little girl.

Hurts so bad tonight. 

Losing the battle of holding it together. The bandaids aren't keeping my heart together anymore. need someone to sit here with me.

Not sure what is going on inside me. Had my doctors appointment, thought I was feeling o.k. and suggested maybe it was time to go off of the anti depressants, he thought it wasn't the right time. Had my therapy session and told him feeling fine and he didn't seem to believe me either. Perhaps they know me better, maybe I am fooling myself. Maybe I am pushing the feelings down again. Feeling like a failure. I have worked so hard to get better. Really I do feel o.k. he is dying and won't hurt anymore girls. I have been working very hard so that when my family does try to get in contact with me after he is gone, I will be able to say no, you killed me off for him, no I will not be there for you. Maybe they are looking out for me and know that I will need the drugs and the therapy to deal with my family. But really I feel strong. Sorry just don't get why they think they know me better than I know myself.

sorry I am lying they know me better, I am lying to myself if I believe what I wrote. when do I get better? when do I not need therapy and drugs? when do I stop hurting?

Feeling alone. bad night. need someone to sit with me tonight.

having a very hard time tonight. it is so hard going by my mothers house, knowing my sister and nephews are there and yet I am not allowed there as I am dead to her. hurting really bad, want to stop my car outside go to the door and see her. yet I can't, she hurt my children and I can't hurt them by seeing her. I wish I didn't care so much. I just want the pain to go away.

Feeling angry tonight and alone