atherton

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About atherton

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    Female

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  • MembershipType
    Survivor

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  1. hi
  2. Not sure what is going on inside me. Had my doctors appointment, thought I was feeling o.k. and suggested maybe it was time to go off of the anti depressants, he thought it wasn't the right time. Had my therapy session and told him feeling fine and he didn't seem to believe me either. Perhaps they know me better, maybe I am fooling myself. Maybe I am pushing the feelings down again. Feeling like a failure. I have worked so hard to get better. Really I do feel o.k. he is dying and won't hurt anymore girls. I have been working very hard so that when my family does try to get in contact with me after he is gone, I will be able to say no, you killed me off for him, no I will not be there for you. Maybe they are looking out for me and know that I will need the drugs and the therapy to deal with my family. But really I feel strong. Sorry just don't get why they think they know me better than I know myself.

    sorry I am lying they know me better, I am lying to myself if I believe what I wrote. when do I get better? when do I not need therapy and drugs? when do I stop hurting?

  3. Feeling alone. bad night. need someone to sit with me tonight.

    1. limbodante

      limbodante

      *sits with and shares cookies*

    2. atherton

      atherton

      thanks limbodante. and the cookies are great.

    3. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      *sits and asks if he can have a cookie?*

  4. having a very hard time tonight. it is so hard going by my mothers house, knowing my sister and nephews are there and yet I am not allowed there as I am dead to her. hurting really bad, want to stop my car outside go to the door and see her. yet I can't, she hurt my children and I can't hurt them by seeing her. I wish I didn't care so much. I just want the pain to go away.

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      I'm sorry for the pain and sadness you are feeling. :hug: if ok.

    2. atherton

      atherton

      thanks MeBeMary

  5. Feeling angry tonight and alone

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. atherton

      atherton

      Feel so stupid and angry with myself tonight. Too trusting, want so bad to be loved by them that I don't listen to my own feelings, what is wrong with me. I want so much to be normal. I don't want the nightmares, the panic attacks, to see T, to take anti-depressants, to want to cut, to apologize for my family. I want a normal life where my childhood was wonderful and my adult life is great. So sick of pretending everything is o.k. it isn't. why is there so much pain and why won't it go away? Is it too much to ask.

    3. snmls

      snmls

      There is nothing wrong with you atherton.  I want to be normal too. I wish I had more advice to give you, but I'm struggling with many of the same things.  Just know that you're not alone. 

    4. atherton

      atherton

      thank you snmls. I feel like I am barely hanging on lately, so much going on.

  6. Hey

    Welcome noaa.
  7. Why did you hurt me
  8. I am sorry you are going through all of this. Sitting with you if o.k.
  9. I have felt that as well and am glad I didn't. gentle hugs if o.k.