Well I signed up for this website a long time ago when I was very depressed and had no one to talk to, and didn't realize how long confirmation took. Just checked through old emails and saw I was confirmed so here I am. I was molested by my brother for three years and in the middle of it I was raped by a boyfriend for a few months. I'm fine with the boyfriend part, really. But the molestation part I'm not. I kept it hidden in the back of my brain locked up for years after it ended then one day it all just spilled out and nearly killed me really. So now it comes and goes, I tried to go to therapy but once she told me I had ptsd and treated my like some fragile crazy person I left and never went back. I've been dealing with it, not really, just running from it, I get a headache every time i think about it. So I found this website through a post-secret online forum, I was really depressed one night and needed to get some stuff out, but that didn't happen. So I'm back again, not so depressed just kind of numb and trudging through life. Sorry if none of this makes sense I don't know how to go about talking about this. Umm, I have a fiance, we will be together for five years this November, I've lived with him for four. I love him so much it kills me that I cant be 100% for him with this looming over my head. He knows about it, but i cant/don't TALK about it with him cause that's weird and just too much for a second person to take on. I talk to him about how it went down how i stopped it and such. But there's sooo much more I want to get off my chest that I really don't feel appropriate discussing with him. Sooo yea this is me I guess.