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About Tangle

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    angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.
  • Birthday 05/20/1977

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    Las Vegas

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  1. How on earth did you find this "control panel"???? For some reason my account wouldn't let me access anything even though it recognized on the bottom that I was "online" (but wouldn't actually let me go beyond sign in page), so I requested a new password. This worked, obviously, but now I can't find any way of resetting my password. Searching for control panel only gave me this post, and can't find any link on my pages to let me reset?
  2. I think there is a tendency among survivors to wonder if our prolonged struggles are somehow melodramatic on our part. Partly because of reactions like your dad and his wife are demonstrating, but also partly because survivors have so many strengths (developed as part of survival) that we tend to appear strong in other areas of our lives. This apparent ability to function well SOMETIMES leads observers (and often our own self assessments) to doubt that the damage is really so bad ("because we function fine when not thinking about IT/triggered ...deception of inconsistency). Then it hits us again and the shock of disability seems almost worse because we felt fine/normal yesterday... Very frustrating, and incomprehensible to most people who haven't experienced or personally observed it themselves (or who are in denial!). 10 years of CSA is a lot of damage that is unlikely to agreeably resolve at adulthood! And it is normal for you to have doubts that make your Dad's ignorant and hurtful attitude especially painful. Even though I know better, I often question why I am still so messed up when it was "only 9 months of CSA", and not even the serious family kind of betrayal (mine was at school). Lots of people have worse, but damage is no less real and lasting because of this.... Welcome to AS, it is an amazing community!
  3. This is a wonderful place for dealing with terrible things. First place I have ever felt safe enough to share details, and not regretted it later. So sorry you have reasons to be here, but so glad you found us and won't have to suffer alone!
  4. Here to support you, Hurt. Hope you are safe now!
  5. I also agree - break off your communication with him, and get help so he cannot hurt you when he gets out of boot camp. Go to your local rape crisis center and ask them for a list of resources in your area in case he comes back and you need help. I would also try to get a restraining order since he has threatened to hurt you again; the crisis center can advise you on this. Definitely contact some authority so that you have a back up escape plan (both a physical place to go and an emotional support person knowledgable about your situation and available to back you since it sounds like he has both manipulated your tendency to trust and physically harmed you already, and will probably try both again if he returns) before he gets out of boot camp. As already said, this is a classic abuse pattern that can only get worse if it continues. Your safety is most important, and the fact that he raped you knowing you were already a rape victim makes it clear that he is not a safe person. Actions speak louder than words, nothing he said or could say will change the seriousness of his behavior. Block communications, get help to keep yourself safe and out of his reach, and make sure someone in the area knows of your relationship and his threat so he will be unable to approach you privately. Also, try to make contact with the 3 bestest guy friends you lost contact with and repair your friendships (or at least let them know that it was a miscalculation on your part), both because it is good to get your friends back AND because the fact the your rapist isolated you from them suggests he thinks they were potential support persons for you. Finally, be aware that until you turn 18 your rapist is legally forbidden to touch you even in a consensual relationship (you under 18, him over 21 = statutory rape by definition). Since he is patently "grooming minors for sexually violent relationships", the police will be on your side in this case. And, putting him on record will almost certainly protect other girls because this behavior typically gets worse until stopped by legal intervention (or death). You should report him, and you should do it now (while you are still under 18)! I would recommend reporting in this case, anyway, because his threat puts you in real danger when he returns (and he has already demonstrated that he is truly violent). I am glad you are here, fearless!
  6. Welcome, and congratulations on writing it down without qualifications! That is a huge step to make:-). Also, it is wonderful that you have sought therapy and support so soon. Your courage and clarity will help you heal.
  7. Welcome Scartissue, glad you have joined. I don't think you will encounter much judgement here regarding whatever consensual relationship(s) you may have. I personally am very impressed with any survivor who has succeeded in developing any good sexual relationship. I see this part of your post more as potential role model material - you are one of those that figured out how to overcome trust and sexuality barriers to actually date someone... Good job, perhaps you will one day be sharing how-to hints if you become comfortable sharing that part of your story :-)
  8. I don't know if I think women always have more horrible experiences SB1944 (though certainly there are more of us suffering). I remember there being a little boy in my class who also was extra-picked on (like me), and at the time I thought it was worse for him because he was emotionally younger than I. Of course, I didn't know or understand about the sexual components (still only vague memories), but I was quite aware of the mind games my teacher played and thought he suffered even more than I because at least I learned not to show all of my feelings openly, where he was a much younger-seeming 5 year old and could never control his expression of fear, confusion, or humiliation when called on. At least for children, I think boys often are emotionally more dependent and less mature, plus they R expected to act tougher. My perp was misogynist and as much as I hated being treated like a second class possession as a girl, I think it was worse for the little boy who was essentially being told that he SHOULD have been a man and failed at it... Or that was my 5 year old interpretation of gender issues in abuse anyway. Sorry, hope this isn't too forward or upsetting!
  9. Tangle


    Well, strictly speaking it is my 30th anniversary of my school troubles, 10 th anniversary of an upsetting adult experience that has destabilized the earlier problem. This is my first support group, and the first year I am ready to talk about any of the problems directly. I am so glad to have found this site!!
  10. Welcome SoulaKai, I'm new too, and am impressed by your eloquent account! I dissociate with intimacy too, and think your succeeding with intimacy "a few times a month" is really good! I have never managed to stay emotionally involved through an entire encounter, but am glad to know you have sometimes overcome the distancing feeling. This is where I inevitably lost my therapists (that got as far as sex) - they either dismissed the problem because I lack impulsivity or strong emotional flashbacks, or made me feel guilty that I can't find "repressed" anger or fear for them to analyze. It is so validating for me to see you describe your detachment as just detachment (not denial) and to see you approach it as a problem to be solved... So sorry you experience it, but so glad you are able to share occasional successes!
  11. Tangle


    Thanks Lucy in the Sky! I have never had great luck with therapists, but have been reading up and working on my own for a decade or so... This past year or 2 I have started to really want to talk, but not yet with friends and definitely not where it might have professional implications! Alas, my last try with therapy resulted in work problems (insurance through work can undermine confidentiality), so I am not willing to go through that again. I am so glad to finally find a support group! I really want to know how other people are working through things like this, as this has been much more useful (than therapy) for me in the past.
  12. Tangle


    New here, finally in! I had anniversary problems for the first time this year (10 years later), and was so delighted to find this site. But that was on Easter weekend, and this is the first time my account has let me log in and access stuff here... I am so glad the site is working now! It will be so nice to have a community to share experiences and questions with.
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