been having really bad depression and triggers. dont want to bathe or do laundry, just woke up, did the usual.
i lost a friend, or did i. my need to control everything is severe. b/c its the only way i know how to stay safe.
i have given so much of myself to others, and im tired of ptsd, b/c it wins. every day. i am not a warrior or a superwoman im just me. seems like only heaven holds love.
i think the judgment from others slowly kills. humans dont realize they affect each other so much. in this society, its all rush rush stress make money, our entire lives are devoted to survival and we forgot how to take care of ourselves, each other, and the world.
bc of inequity and inequality violence will continue. the native indians were the only ones who got it right imo. i saw a video of wolves on a highway videotaped by a woman and it made me sick b/c we have hurt them so much.
i feel like to fix this country we have to acknowledge the wounds towards AA's, vets, and native indians among others, take a leap of faith in a direction that goes beyond our fears of the "other". reparation and public healing. its not gonna happen any other way. this is our history, admit it. admit the wounds fester still. admit our bigotry hatred and cruelty. then try and find common ground, interfaith work, work that crosses boundaries, see our common links not what divides us, nothing new under the sun. stop making assumptions about people. stop judging them. stop hating ourselves. stop. the work of peace is wicked hard. war is easy. nothing new.
abuse shames the soul and makes the person feel a nothing, but i am not nothing, i am something. i dont need forgiveness anymore. i need to see in my humanity is strength and beauty