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Gift, Don't worry about your English - you're doing fine. Welcome to the site. I'm new as well. I don't think what you're expressing is uncommon. I think often times it's so hard to cope and survive with that type of trauma, that we disassociate or detatch from the events, psychologically; if it's not real to us, then it can hurt us, right? (or in our mind, we assume if something is not real it can't hurt us so much and we'll be ok.. I believe it's to do with how we're set up to function as people - just a survival technique) Take care, and I look forward to seeing you around.
Thank you for all of the warm welcomes and kind thoughts. It's much appreciated. PS- Blossums, if you mean the first avatar, no, I didn't make it. The symbolism was just something very identifiable. I generally have always had to just be ok, whether I was or not. The current macro photo of a flower is part of my photography, though. =)