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fallenstar

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Status Updates posted by fallenstar

  1. Wishing you all the best for healing, comfort, happiness, and health in 2018!! 

  2. I picked up new guitar strings today. Can't wait to tune it up and get back into playing and writing music!! It has been way too long.

    1. Stephenjames

      Stephenjames

      Way to go you! I love playing my guitars.

    2. fallenstar

      fallenstar

      Thanks :) it's a fun hobby that I miss. That's awesome you play, too!

    3. LuthienTinuviel

      LuthienTinuviel

      great! happy for you

  3. Sorry I haven't been around in a bit, been having some migraines, just trying to get rid of them. Safe hugs to all!

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Painnbroken

      Painnbroken

      No worries dear take care of yourself.  I hope you begin to feel better.  Safe :hug:to you if okay.  Dark room and silence always helped me.  

    3. BraveOne

      BraveOne

      Safe hugs and take ❤ for now. When you can come back we will still be here.

    4. fallenstar

      fallenstar

      Thank you so much everyone! Migraines are gone. I'm feeling the love and I give it back to you all :throb:

  4. Going in for my volunteering this morning, will be away for a few hours. Hope you all have a good day! (((((AS)))))

    1. Bluesclues

      Bluesclues

      Have fun! Good luck!

    2. Painnbroken

      Painnbroken

      Good luck and have fun dear

    3. fallenstar

      fallenstar

      Thanks you two. :)

  5. Happy July 4th to everyone in the U.S.! 

  6. Happy 150th Canada Day!!

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      Happy Canada Day to all my AS Canadian friends.

      2Q==

    3. Juniperberry1900

      Juniperberry1900

      :breakdance:  :happybday2: Canada. :supacool:

    4. silentg

      silentg

      Happy Canada Day fallenstar!! :party:

  7. Feeling tired of being on the go. After my appointment today I still have 2 places to go. Then? I relax the rest of the day! Finally.

    1. Painnbroken

      Painnbroken

      Try to get some rest dear.  Safe :hug:if okay

    2. fallenstar

      fallenstar

      Thanks @Painnbroken I definitely will try to sneak nap in today. Thanks for the hugs :hug:

    3. Painnbroken

      Painnbroken

      You're welcome anytime :)

  8. Hoping to get a good night of uninterrupted sleep 

  9. Today would have been my 15th anniversary with him if I'd have stayed. 12 and a half years free. Scary what might have been. But being free of two abusive partners is better than I thought it would be. There is still some lingering fear of course, but I cannot imagine myself in a healthy relationship. I am not mourning the failed relationships but the potential for love.

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      You have been brave to leave abusive partners. They were never worthy of you. I do think there are good people out there, many who would be loving and kind. The challenge is to figure out who they are.I haven't mastered that, so I understand the mourning of the potential for love. You deserve better. We all do.

    2. fallenstar

      fallenstar

      Thanks Mary. I know there are good people out there, they just don't want to ever be with someone like me. I agree we all deserve better. 

    3. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      Personally, I think there are three types of people we come across.

      1. The bad.  
      2. The good that may be scared off by the issues and struggles we have (or even maybe their own). 
      3. The good who would look past the issues and struggles we have and see our own goodness.

      I am certain it's this third group that we have difficulty finding. I have experienced the second group, too, so I do understand how you may come to believe that. It would be nice if GPS existed that hones in on that group #3, as it would give us more hope that there really is potential out there for us.

  10. I love AS!! You are all awesome! Whether I have ups or downs, you are always here. Thank you! :throb:

    1. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      AGREED!!!! I love you all as well! :throb::lindybunnie::flowers::ditto::throb:

    2. MermaidGirl91

      MermaidGirl91

      Always! Any time you need me!

    3. fallenstar
  11. really want to vent but can't bring myself to click submit. calling crisis center instead. i hate dealing with disappointment in my mother and anger...

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. MermaidGirl91

      MermaidGirl91

      If you want you can pm me anytime. Its not quite the same as a phone call, but its human feedback. I'm here if you want.

    3. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      I agree with mermaidgirl , I will listen too his you ever need an ear. :) 

      :lindybear::lindybunnie::penguin::bubble::dance:

       

    4. fallenstar

      fallenstar

      Many thanks again MermaidGirl and Free!! :flowers::thanks:

  12. Like i just wrote in the Random Thought Dump thread, im not myself much lately anymore to be here on AS, this is my reason for not posting/replying to anyone. The alters/parts/insiders have been taking care of me and only i can post here, so i just wanted to explain. Sorry about my absence. Just wanted to say i appreciate those who have private messaged me, i just have not been able to reply because its not been me. And wont be me for a while. My alters will be blogging, but thats about all i can do for idk how long. Im sorry and i wish u all well until im well enough to be back to the me you know. Thx ~ fallenstar

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      No need to feel sorry. Sometimes dealing with our issues means more time on the site, sometimes less. As long as you realize we are here for you when you need it and are able to reach out.  You are not alone, as I'm sitting with you, even if you haven't asked. :hug: to you, if ok. 

    2. josiel

      josiel

      :ditto: No worries, star! :hug:

       

  13. On the one hand, I'm a crazy mix of uncontrolled un-dealt with emotions. On the other, I'm flatlined. I never make sense. I'm hopeful and hopeless. I don't know how to fix me.

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      The truest contradiction of life. You are supported.   :hug: to you.

    2. fallenstar

      fallenstar

      Thanks Mary!! :hug:for you too!

    3. MeBeMary
  14. Taking care of some things at home tonight. Be back tomorrow in full form!

    1. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      Take care of yourself :throb:    :hug:

    2. wishinuponastar

      wishinuponastar

      We have to take care of ourselves. Get what you need done and we will be here. :)

    3. patriciag

      patriciag

      :hug:Take care, and  sense I am late seeings this, glad you back in full form :throb:

  15. Happy Monday, I am hoping we all give ourselves a chance at happiness today. Do something nice for yourself and stop feeling guilty for being kind to you. Today, I am going to soak in the bath and spend time with myself writing. And being here of course :P

    What are you going to do for yourself today?

    1. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      Thank you, fallenstar.

      One of our board members who was especially beloved passed away yesterday. He was like a surrogate grandpa to me. He made a HUGE deal about me finishing my degree. He always encouraged me. He always asked about me. When I finally graduated, he made a big fuss over me. When he found out I was the one in the newspapers/media about my attack, he cried. 

      I am going to allow myself to cry, in front of people or not, and mourn his loss without judging myself...

    2. fallenstar

      fallenstar

      :hug:@Iheartcupcakes I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm glad you are giving yourself the chance to grieve in your way without judgement.

    3. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      Thank you, fallenstar. I usually will not cry in front of people but I can when it is for others...just not myself. I don't know why.

  16. Why can't I believe or feel that anyone will ever truly love me?

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. LuthienTinuviel
    3. SilentBird

      SilentBird

      There's an old movie from before I was born. It's called "Pretty Woman". In that movie Julia Roberts plays a prostitute. There's a famous scene in the movie where she is complimented and then she says "the bad things are easier to believe".

      If we are told we are stupid, ugly, unworthy, etc, we will start to believe that's the truth. Eventually we are tricked into thinking that we KNOW those things are true. The same thing happens when we tell ourselves we are stupid, ugly or unworthy. Sometimes we get so used to being lonely or get so used to a repetitive cycle of being a "bum magnet", that we forget that we are WORTHY of more. When we start to doubt we are worthy of happiness, love and companionship, we wonder stuff like will anyone "ever truly love me".

      We are our own worst enemies. Not as much because we are mean to ourselves, but because we don't challenge the negative beliefs that others send our way. When we don't challenge those negative feelings, the question of things like, will anyone "ever truly love me", become oppressive. It all becomes a self-destructive cycle empowered by doubt, fear and circumstance.

      I suspect, like many, many other people, you have difficulty believing or feeling other people will ever truly love you, because somewhere along the lines, circumstance and negative influence has caused you to view yourself as less worthy than you really are. I also suspect to a degree, some of the love you have for yourself has also been damaged.

      I want you to know, you are worthy. You are valuable. You are lovable. You are deserving of true love from others and from YOURSELF. Never forget that.

       

    4. Annie7

      Annie7

      i second that silentbird 

  17. Hi Alas my friend hope you are well. :flowers:

    1. Alastriona

      Alastriona

      I am very well Star.... been doing a lot of stuff in therapy and although I knew of my Inner Child I have found out about 8 more insiders of various ages and sexes.  I am so glad that my T - Mark  is good with them.  We have had some hiccups in the past few months  but  generally things are good.  Hope you and your son and of course all the Insiders are doing well too. 

      Jo

  18. Thank you After Silence for being such a reliable source of support. I appreciate you!

    1. SilentBird

      SilentBird

      I am glad you have found that reliable source of support. I'm sure we all appreciate you as well.

  19. Hey Copper & Co, we miss you around here....hope you do decide to one day come back to AS. Ssssssparkles!! 

    1. crushedflower

      crushedflower

      i miss you, too, Copper!

  20. I'm feeling much better today. I think I've had some epiphanies in the past 2 days. I want to thank AS folks for the support given to me during that rough time!! 

  21. There is no meaning for me

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      :hug:  Sitting with you, if it helps.

    2. ActivistAlly

      ActivistAlly

      Sorry to hear you are feeling that way. :(  Sitting with you too if okay.

    3. fallenstar

      fallenstar

      Thanks so much Mary and Ally!! 

  22. Think I have Restless Leg Syndrome. Can't sleep last night or the night before and I'm sooo irritable bc of it. Hate this :( and this is on top of the OTHER symptoms I am waiting test results for. I am really scared of what's wrong with me NOW. There's always something.

    1. patriciag

      patriciag

      my husband gets restless leg syndrome, he takes tonic water just before he goes to bed. It works from him. Our daughter is a pharmacies , she say there is something in tonic water that will help, I can't remember the name of, I will ask my husband. may be worth a try

       

    2. fallenstar

      fallenstar

      Thanks so much Patricia, please keep me posted.

    3. patriciag

      patriciag

      Was just talking to my daughter it is Quinine that is the water, she said you can a perscription  from the doctor for a higher dose but you can take the diet tonic water to see if that helps first, y husband thinks it has to be diet tonic water , but just check it to see if has quinine in it.

  23. Moving next weekend! It's a very good move because I am starting my new life with my partner and our kids altogether. Yay :dance:

  24. Need friends to connect with...

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      :hug: with ok. I feel like that a lot, too.

    2. fallenstar

      fallenstar

      :hug:for you Mary. Thank you. Been having a really hard time in the past couple months connecting with friends IRL and I'm trying but feel I can't make it.

    3. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      I do understand. Wish things were easier. I am sending positive thoughts your way that these moments will past quickly and you will be able to connect again. Keep trying and be patient. (I do hate that patient word, but sometimes we just must be). Sitting with you until things start going right.

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