Hi, my name is Nikki, I'm a 21 year old student
I stumbled across this site while looking for some support. I cannot fault the support of the select friends I've told about what has happened. But somehow no matter how much they try, they cannot understand the pain, the fear, the betrayal of what it is to be human, how could I expect them to?
I guess I was looking for someone to understand even a part of what is happening to me, and to have the freedom to share my full story, something that I had been unable to do. I just wanted a safe place without fear of judgement and without feeling like I have to put on a smile to make others happy.
Part of it is my fault, I am so used to putting on a mask when I walk out of the door, to become a person that I believe others want to associate with. I can't help but hide what I'm really feeling.
But I'm not ok, and I know if I keep everything inside I will collapse under my own thoughts. But I have hope, hope that things will get better.
Thank you for listening, and I hope to get to know you soon x