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AmbiBambi

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    10
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  • Gender
    Female

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  • MembershipType
    Survivor
  1. My history of abuse ended 10 years ago, and I'm just now seeking help. It is never too late to heal.
  2. AmbiBambi

    Hello

    Hi! Welcome to AS! I hope you find the stories here of survival and healing as inspiring as I do!
  3. Thank you for all the warm welcomes.
  4. My name is Amber, but my friends call me Ambi and I hope all of you will as well. Up until a few days ago, I was planning on killing myself. That is, until a woman came into a store my company is in partnership with. You see, normally I work by myself. I sell cell phones, and my kiosk is set up in a store in an area where there is very few people to talk to during the day. I remember feeling particularly down, due to the bad relationship I'm currently in and was thinking about how all my life, I've felt let down by men and used. ( I'll expand when I share my story in a different section ). To help you understand where I'm coming from, after what I went through when I was younger, I've felt numb. I have felt dead inside and unable to really "feel" anything. I created someone for the public, who would be pleasing and happy. She's a great saleswoman, has great friends, and makes talking to people easier. I don't know where she learned to smile, but I like looking at it in pictures. She isn't me, but I want to be her so badly. A really pretty woman was looking for a certain program to translate voice into text, because she's writing a book. My faux persona casually asked what the book was about. Building rapport is essential, after all. She struck me as odd, looking in from behind Amber, the store manager. Casually, the woman answered, "Sexual Abuse" or some variation there of. I don't know if she could see me melt through Amber, or see the pain in my eyes at the mention of it. I hid it quickly and Amber went into overdrive, asking to be notified when it was released. I was crying inside. I wondered if she had gone through what I did, or worse. I wondered if she needed a hug as much as I did. I hadn't felt in so long, the pain was like a shot of icy water. Somehow, I ended the conversation, and wandered into the back. Amber let me have my time and I cried and cried in the store's little employee bathroom. It was days or a week or more later that I saw the woman again. I was terrified of her. Amber abandoned me, and I tried to be like her instead of blubbering like an idiot. I kept looking away during our conversation. I pretended that I didn't remember her, even, until she mentioned the book. She was so unbelievably warm to me... She gave me the url for this website since I had seemed interested in her book. She even told me what her name was here. I can't remember her real name, but I don't think I will ever forget what she has done for me. I've been reading posts.. stories.. and I see what this website is for.. I see hope, and I want to cling to this small light and hopefully I will begin to emerge on my own, through sharing and listening to everyone's experiences. I want to feel again.. Thank you, WingedDragon. You showed me a place where I was able to realize that at 22, by life isn't over. It wasn't over when I lost my innocence, and there is still so much to live for. You may not realize or even remember me, but I am so grateful for the part of your day you took, to come back and extend a hand to someone who didn't ask for help..
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