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  1. I haven't read the replies yet but wanted to add my two cents. I would have greatly appreciated the chance to relinquish my clothing to go with the rape kit after my assault (I wanted as much evidence and documentation as possible). But from what I remember I was told the space for storing the kits was limited and they couldn't accept the clothes I had been wearing. (To be clear I don't believe there was any evidence on my clothes. I just would have felt better if I had given them everything to hold onto. Better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.) I did however give up my panties, and they went into the kit for evidence. In exchange they gave me disposable hospital underwear that was designed for one time use only. It was a one-size-fits-all type thing and was very baggy with stretchy elastic around the waist and legs that held them on. (It was a bit like a thin paper-ish diaper without padding) But I still felt better having something clean on that wasn't 'tainted'. Having just that tiny bit of dignity and being able to cover up after being so vulnerable, exposed and violated made me feel just a little bit more protected. Well, not "protected", but definitly like I could cover up my body that had been violated and have that tiny extra bit of opaque barrier/layer between my nude body and the rest of the world. .... .... thinking back... I remember how putting them on made my situation less surreal.... and how the rape hit home for me. ... But, even so, having something clean and not tainted by the rape was something I was grateful for. If I could have given up my clothes and worn something else provided to me, I think I would have rather had basic, non-descript, muted colored (greyish) sweats. Long pants, long sleeves, to cover my body even more. Something that allowed me to "hide" myself while having to interact with people. A perfect fit wouldn't matter to me. Just fitted enough to not be too restrictive(suffocating/choking/claustrophobic) and not so loose that I would feel like they were at risk of falling off and making me feel more vulnerable/exposed. Maybe some pants with a drawstring so I could adjust it as desired.
  2. First, I want to congratulate you on your courage to talk about what was done to you. I can't possibly overstate that. You are VERY brave for finding this site, and posting your story. For most people, just stating the fact that they have been raped can be very difficult. Add in society's views on males, their masculinity, rape myths and views that woman are some how magically exempt from being perpetrators because they don't have a penis and it becomes painfully clear to me how much you are having to fight against. Please know this is a safe place and you have every right to your feelings. We believe you. And we will always believe you. I hope you can find some strength and validation in that knowledge. Please know that even if a male IS coherent, he can STILL be raped. And of course a female can be a rapist. Trauma can cause all kinds of holes in our memories. Add in drugs and alcohol and the effects can multiply. It's normal for victims to not remember details of their assault. It can even be normal to NOT remember most of it even if you WERE coherent during the attack. Many sexual assault victims did not, or could not say 'no'. An inability to physically push someone off or utter specific words (ESPECIALLY WHEN drugged and intoxicated) does not automatically equal consent. Many rapists and perpetrators will specifically target vulnerable individuals. And I ask for forgiveness in advance if I offend or upset you for what I'm about to say, but I feel it is VERY important to say it. That Uber driver did not "proceed to have sex with you". She raped you. Period. End of sentence. It was predatory behaviour. She was suppose to take you home. She was suppose to be a safe ride to make sure you got home in one piece. Instead she violated you. She saw an opportunity to take advantage of a person in a vulnerable state who would have a diminished ability to stop her and she raped you. I genuinely hope I did not trigger you or upset you with that statment.... but it is SO important to put a proper label on what was forced upon you. You did not consent. That makes it rape. It's very common for victims to have internalized a lot of rape myth and rape culture and then proceed to blame themselves for the assault. And I wanted to point out to you in the strongest terms I could, that what was done to you was NOT CONSENSUAL. You did NOT CONSENT. That is the very definition of rape. I am so sorry for all the pain you have been going through. Please know this is a safe place to talk and share. And if you look around, you will find many stories that are similar to yours. Just because the human body may respond during an attack, that does not automatically equal consent. It is beyond unfortunate that society sees you telling your story as taboo. But please know, you are not alone. And you will find support here. I also encourage you to reach out to RAINN or another rape crisis center in your area and ask for help. They will keep your information confidential, and may be able to offer free or discounted therapy. Therapy saved my life. And it will truly help you with your healing journey. I wish you the best. Sincerely, Misc.
  3. Thinking of you.... :hug:


    I hope life is treating you well. 

    You deserve the best. :bighug:


  4. Thank you for the advice John. And thank you SO MUCH for working so hard to help everyone have access to the boards!!! You mods and admins ROCK!!
  5. also having problems. sometimes i can log in, other times not. not sure what to make of it..... and when i try to post to a topic, while signed in, it won't post.... so i refresh the page, then it tells me i'm not logged in and need to log in to post! but then i can't log in! - i will put in my info, click log in, and then nothing! ... just... same page asking me to log in.... very confusing.... ------ edit: woot! it worked that time! yeesh.......
  6. Mischievous


    Welcome to AS. I am sorry for why you are here, but glad that you found us. I hope you find what you need, and continue to reach out. There are many people on here who are just like you and want to heal and others who have healed and want to help others. This is a safe place. And I am really glad you have found us.
  7. Welcome to After Silence! I am sorry for the reason you are here but glad you have found us. We have a great thriving online support group here and you are always welcome Just know that you are not alone. We are all survivors here and know what it's like to feel alone and as if the world doesn't understand or have a clue...
  8. So I noticed that there is a thread on 'Sexual Assault: Different Types' for SA with out violence... Is it possible to have a thread on there for SA that included/involved violence? Talking to some members on here makes me feel like I'm in the minority of those who got hurt physically as part of the SA... And sometimes I feel like I'm also one of the minority who tried to fight back or resist physically and got hurt because of it... While all rapes are horrible and damaging, not all included physical violence. I would like for there to be a place where I don't feel so alone or the odd one out... Maybe I am just being silly... But lately I keep running into more and more members where the question of, 'was it rape?' is getting harder and harder to answer. I never had a doubt that I was attacked and raped, neither did my attacker. I had the marks and bruises on my skin and the threats of more pain he promised me if I didn't start to cooperate. I KNOW it was rape. It was violent. Can there be a place for those of us who were SA with/including physical violence?
  9. Welcome angel23! I'm sorry for the reason you have to be here, but glad that you found us. As far as "properly" using the site, use it as you need it. Read other's stories. Read their posts about their life and issues, share some of your own, feel free to ask for advice/help, and know that you are not alone. You will find people here who understand and know exactly what you are going through, because we have gone through it ourselves. I hope you find this site as useful and helpful as I have. Welcome.
  10. I did this a long time ago when I first joined this site, 4 months ago... While the words I said then are still true, and how I still feel to a certain extent... Recently I have been feeling a lot of other things, and I'm just now realizing what some of the core roots of my problems in general are. And considering my very strong fears that have finally bubbled up to the surface after everything.... I think I have new words. "Please, stay away from me." Just thinking about him scares me so much....
  11. OOooooo-kay.... *THAT* was weird. i was just typing out a post when all of a sudden my "skin" (didn't even know we had those!!!) suddenly changed in mid-type to "spring fling!". That was not pleasant.... i like the concept of it, but WAY too many different colors. And the little boxes for everyone's post was so frigging big/long!!!! i could feel my whole head doing that egyptian back and forth thing trying to read the posts. Creatures of habit indeed. Fortunately I managed to find the skins and put it back on "lotus", which is the one I've been used to and using for the past 4 months... But it still seems off somehow??? A little different??? Am I crazy??
  12. This is a great idea! I hope it gets changed.
  13. That's not a bad idea betty, but I don't feel yet like I'm "further along my healing journey" yet. And it could also possibly alienate others who are brand new and are still dealing with a lot of the trauma? Maybe I am just being selfish, but I really want a forum just for members to make their own public, about-me diaries. I just think it would make getting to know everyone SO much easier. Just my 2 cents.
  14. I was thinking about it the other day, and thought it would be great to have a forum where each member could post a topic and it would be all about them, what's going on, how they are doing each day, what's new in their lives, etc. Kinda like a public online diary. It could either be set up to only allow the topic starter to add new posts/replies to their Diary Topic, or it could allow others to reply as well. Either way really, I could see the benefit of both. But essentially it would be an easy way to let the whole board get to know someone. And it would be really easy for the member/topic poster to edit out any information they no longer want shared with the public. There's just so many forums on this site to share specific pieces of information about each individual, but no place to share it all in one location. I find myself wondering about a particular person, and sifting through hundreds of past posts by them to try to understand them better, or I find myself wanting to share certain details in a diary-like topic, as a way to let people know what's new with me or what's going on now in my life, but there's really no place for me to post this, and I don't deem the info that I want to share as important enough to make a whole new topic(like how I took a great picture of my dogs with the cat the other day, or that I took an important step in "getting out and having fun" again). I almost considered using my first post in the welcome page like this, but decided against it. Another added benefit of each person being able to have their own 'diary' would be a chance to see how their own thought processes have evolved, to see how far they have come, as a reminder of where they use to be in the past, and how things have gotten better. It's so easy to dismiss small things/steps as progress, but even the littlest thing, step by step, helps us move forward in our healing. I'm not sure if I'm making a very good argument for a new "Diary Forum" or not. But I know that I would like one, and maybe some other people on here would like one too. It could go under the Body and Mind section.
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