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I've never written a blog or journal before. Maybe this won't last longer than a day. Everything is a struggle right now. No part of me wants to be alive. But I'm scared of hurting the people I love. It's strange feeling so much love for those around me when all my other emotions are so dark and bleak. I'm living with friends at the moment as I'm not safe on my own. I showered today, for the first time in 4 days, I'm surprised my friends wanted to be around me. I also ate for the first time in 4 days. I didn't realise how hungry I was until I took that first bite.