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marcyabadeer

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Everything posted by marcyabadeer

  1. marcyabadeer

    it’s recently been the 12 year mark since I joined here and I’ve never felt so alone. this is not what it used to be… i used to feel like i belonged somewhere for once in my life . now i just feel like some kind of freak around here. maybe you have to be some sort of specific “survivor/ victim” person. i guess I’m not that. this will prob be deleted anyways so who cares 

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. Finchy

      Finchy

      Sitting with you, marcy.

    3. marcyabadeer

      marcyabadeer

      Thank you all for being kind 🌻🖤

    4. WannaMoveOn

      WannaMoveOn

      Any time Marcy... I am happy you're still here. 

  2. marcyabadeer

    i give up 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

    1. Finchy

      Finchy

      :( *big safe hugs* Sitting with you, if you'd like? 

    2. WannaMoveOn

      WannaMoveOn

      Hey, sitting if ok? 

  3. marcyabadeer
    Thank you 🌻
  4. marcyabadeer
    .
  5. marcyabadeer

    ok then. idk why i even come here anymore 💔

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Poppy_

      Poppy_

      I feel the exact same way. Feel free to shoot me a PM if you want to chat. I'll be sure to check back soon to see if you have messaged me. You're not alone. 

    3. Field8

      Field8

      I enjoy your company

    4. marcyabadeer

      marcyabadeer

      Thank you 😔

      :bighug:

  6. marcyabadeer

    i am burnt out on living life. people get annoyed with me when i am like this-makes me feel worse. then the intrusive thoughts and urges come back. i’d like to think things get better but idk. 

    1. Show previous comments  15 more
    2. marcyabadeer

      marcyabadeer

      @Pea I am really sorry to hear that you are in pain. it’s such an isolating, excruciating place to feel stuck 💔 sending support to you- you are definitely not alone 

      🌻🖤

    3. Pea

      Pea

      i’ve just had a breakdown with my boyfriend telling him how tired i am and cried for an hour. it’s supposed to get better they say, i’m just waiting for that. i think we all are. sending you strength too

    4. marcyabadeer

      marcyabadeer

      @Pea thank you. I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to 🌻🖤

  7. marcyabadeer

    i wanna go to the moon 

     

  8. marcyabadeer

    trapped in this existence

     

    1. WannaMoveOn

      WannaMoveOn

      Believe me I relate. You don't need to have it all together all the time. Be kind to yourself and keep reaching out. You are not alone 🌻 

    2. marcyabadeer

      marcyabadeer

      Thank you 🖤

  9. marcyabadeer

    maybe im just awful 

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. marcyabadeer

      marcyabadeer

      Thank you all for your positive encouragement. I appreciate the support 🖤

    3. WannaMoveOn

      WannaMoveOn

      Awful people usually think they are superior. You are not awful. Sitting if ok? 

    4. marcyabadeer

      marcyabadeer

      Thank you for sitting with me 🖤

  10. marcyabadeer

     

  11. marcyabadeer

    🖤🌻

     

  12. marcyabadeer

    🖤

     

  13. marcyabadeer

    should i bite my tongue until blood soaks my shirt? 

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Safe hugs :hug: if ok?

      I'm sorry your struggling, sitting with if ok?

    3. marcyabadeer

      marcyabadeer

      thank you all for the company- i really appreciate it. It’s been pretty lonely :( 

    4. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      @marcyabadeer, anytime, I'm sorry it's been so lonely, been the same in my world to be honest although alot of things going out of control too.

      But yeah happy to listen if you need someone to talk to.

  14. marcyabadeer

    idk how to ask for help here. I feel like it’s arrogant of me to think anyone would even care 🤷🏻‍♀️ 😔 

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. Pink Sky

      Pink Sky

      Sending some extra care your way Marcy. I relate to how you feel, but whatever it is you're struggling with, big or small, you deserve support and will find it here if you reach out. Sending safe hugs if ok?

    3. marcyabadeer

      marcyabadeer

      Thank you for the support @Doll6& @Pink Sky. I really appreciate it.

      I feel less alone with all your responses 😢🌻🖤 I think I’ll try to make a post soon. I just get really scared of getting to that vulnerable space of opening up. I’ve regressed a lot with that 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

    4. Pink Sky

      Pink Sky

      That's ok, take your time! There's no pressure to share anything until you feel ready 

  15. marcyabadeer

    you are a fraud 😢 taking others words and making them your own. how could you be so cold and awful? 
     

     

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. marcyabadeer

      marcyabadeer

      @Free2Flythank you. I’m feeling idk, grossed out by people and their intentions. 
       

      @tuliptornnope not talking about myself this time 😆 but thank you for your kindness my friend 

       

      :hug:

    3. tuliptorn

      tuliptorn

      😄🤣😂😆❤❤❤

    4. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Your welcome, I'm sorry you're feeling like that, there's too much bad in the world.

  16. marcyabadeer

    :bye:

    1. Show previous comments  23 more
    2. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Thank you although I think stuffs gonna keep me awake again.

      I'm sorry but yeah I can understand that very much been the last few days for me honestly, you can just be sitting there and bam instant low feelings.

      I'm sorry your stuck between them too.

    3. marcyabadeer

      marcyabadeer

      I hope things look up for you soon :(  Sending support to you :hug:

    4. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Thank you Marcy I appreciate it, I hope your doing okay tonight/day whenever it maybe. 🌻

  17. marcyabadeer

    I fear...

    marcyabadeer commented on Goldeneye's blog entry in My life after

    Goldie- you are not fragile my friend. It is about that time when we start to realize things for what they were and feel traumatized again. Being numb to the repeated abuse is the way we survived. Now that we are safe from that treatment, we can’t help but see how things were so out of hand with the abuse. It is normal that we collapse every once in a while- we survived horrible things. I am sorry you are feeling this way. Sitting with you always 🌻
  18. marcyabadeer

    i’m stuck here :( 

    1. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Safe hugs :hug:If ok?

    2. marcyabadeer

      marcyabadeer

      @Free2Fly thank you. Safe hugs back to you :hug:

    3. tuliptorn

      tuliptorn

      Stuck here too Sam 😪

  19. marcyabadeer
    I will sit with you in the loneliness if ok? I know when I am affected by things around me, I also tend to take it very personally and wonder what is so wrong with ME? I can say because I am an extremely empathetic person, things bother me a little more and I internalize issues that may not have anything specifically to do with me. Leaving me feel burnt out and unworthy of basic human social interaction. You are worthy of companionship with your partner. My partner is currently in therapy so it makes it slightly a bit easier for him to be a little more sympathetic but he wasn’t alwa
  20. marcyabadeer
    sitting with you if ok? You are not alone- I feel this way too much lately 💔 sending support to you sam🖤🌻
  21. marcyabadeer
    @Sunflower198 Hello and welcome to After Silence. I am so sorry you recently realized these encounters were not consensual. You are not alone in this at all. I think as we get older we tend to realize a lot of things weren't how they seemed in the moments they were happening. I can relate to you myself with my own encounters! It was about 9 years after the fact that I realized these things for myself. Please know you are not at fault for knowing these things in those moments. The fact that you only realized this now doesn't take away from the horror of his actions or the validity of your pain
  22. marcyabadeer

    Contemplating Life

    marcyabadeer commented on Viceless's blog entry in Viceless

    Me too. Sorry for the pain you feel
  23. marcyabadeer
    Hello @Backto3 and welcome to After Silence. I am sorry you have reasons that bring you here, but we are glad you've found us. I didn't know what to expect the first time I signed up either- 10 years ago- but what I ended up finding was a supportive community where I made friends who actually understood some of the things I was feeling/ going through. It was a bit eye opening for my healing journey. I hope you are able to find some of the same support and comfort here that a lot of us members find and keep us coming back. Please know you are not alone and we are all here for you sending
  24. marcyabadeer
    Hello @fiercekitten and welcome to After Silence. I am sorry you have to see your abusive ex that must be very triggering for you. I hope you are able to continue to see you DV counselor soon- it seems like that was a great source of support for you. The forums here are also full of extremely supportive members and resources about so many things- DV being one of them. I hope you are able to find comfort here in knowing that you are not alone. Sending you support! sam 🖤🌻
  25. marcyabadeer
    Hello @Bunni3 and welcome to After Silence. I am so sorry you had to see such a traumatizing thing on a public, social media outlet. The horrible things I would see all the time on those platforms is why I have kept my distance for my own personal well being. Gosh, I can imagine seeing that must have been extremely triggering. I know it would have sent me into a spiral Is there a counselor or a therapist that you can talk to about this? I would imagine trying to ground yourself with pleasant things you enjoy can maybe take you out of the headspace where you are having "audio flashbacks". Mayb
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