I'm so sorry for what happened. You never deserved any of it and I wish you would acknowledge this. You were so young and you had to deal with far too much for your age. It's okay to be hurt and grieve the loss of your childhood, because no child should have had to go through any of that.
I am so very proud of you. Proud that you have made it this far, that despite all the pain you have persevered even when you felt like giving up. I know that even now you still think low of yourself, but you have every reason out there to be proud of the person that you are and love yourself for it.
We all have our flaws, but you are a beautiful person. You care about others, and though this may not always come across to others, it's who you are. You've simply been hurt too much to allow others close to you and you are the last person to be at fault for this. Your strength and determination shines through at the moments it's needed the most and you're not afraid to do what you feel is right. You are loving, and you show people this. People do love you, your friends love you, the sweet caring man beside you loves you, and most importantly, your mother loves you. A love that no one can take away, and I want you to know this.
What happened to you wasn't your fault. You were young, damaged and you wanted to feel loved. It was never your fault. He took advantage of you at your weakest and what he did was rape. He violated you in the worst way anyone could and you loving him never made it okay. You said no, and you did fight. It would be wrong to expect anything more out of a young teen. You did the best you could and it's over now. He's not in your life anymore and it's in the past. Forgive yourself for what happened, darling, because none of it was ever your fault.
You never asked for it to happen, no one does.
I'm so proud of you. For what you've made of yourself and how much you've endured.
You deserve to be happy.