My name is Megan. I am brand new to this board or any other board for that matter. I very recently have come to crossroads in my life... I have two beautiful little girls but have been in an unhappy marriage for years. After trying to sit down and just "talk" with my husband, I realized that was uncomfortable for me, didn't really know what to say, found myself wanting a distraction. My husband got upset with me, saying "why can't we just sit down and talk together, spend some time together".. and I really didn't have an answer. From there, the past was brought into it, our problems, my distance, and I was told that I have NEVER let him get close to me, that from day one my walls were already up. After sitting for a little while, I ended up googling "surviving rape"...
I am 30 now, and from the age of 16-20, I was date raped 4 separate times, by 4 different men. I have blamed myself for putting myself in bad situations by drinking, by hanging out with people I didn't know very well.. I have blamed myself for being weak and not fighting back.
I told myself all these years that I was just strong and didn't need to deal with it, but pushing it away and not learning how to deal with the pain, was not being "strong".
Now I'm here. I want my life back. I want my family strong. I am tired of being broken. I've come here as a beginning step to find a way to become the person I was meant to be. The happy, loving, forgiving, kind, caring, patient woman God created me to be. Not the angry, unforgiving, bitter, hateful, fearful person I have become.
Thanks for listening.