[Full Name Of Researchers]

hey vera

thank you!

[Full Name Of Researchers]

hey mods and admins,

i noticed that in this topic

http://www.aftersilence.org/forum/index.ph...ic=91318&hl=

the researcher's last name was removed, i suppose in accordance with the forum guidelines.

i see how this rule makes sense for survivors, but researchers are not here as survivors or private people, they are here as professionals, and therefore neither claim nor should be "forced" into anonymity (imho).

on the contrary.... i find it very important that researchers identify themselves with their full name, name of their institution, and preferably full name of their supervising researcher (if applicable).

there have been, in the past, attempts by shady individuals to get sensitive and confidential information from us by posting "research" requests. normally, it is easy to spot those, bc for one those people tend to have no idea about research and the conventions used (like naming the purpose of the study, informed consent, etc.) and for the very reason that they shy away from giving their full name as well as other identifying information.

we need their full name for checking the legitimacy of their request, e.g. via google, which is why those who are serious researchers give this information freely, and those who are not do not give it at all.

so basically.... i am asking that for safety reasons, the rule of anonymity should not apply to reasearchers here, and should not be enforced by moderators.

thank you for listening to my concerns...

riana

[Cussing In Posts?]

Yup, you are absolutely correct. It's okay to use full cuss words in posts, but not in titles. And we do ask that members place a triggering warning in the title, so members who are sensitive to cuss words or who are triggered by them can choose not to read.

Whenever possible, we really want members to use their voice as freely as they want, and censoring cuss words would go against it.

vera, thank you for checking the filter and taking out the swear words that are not especially sensitive in our context! it makes total sense to me to leave the ones that you left. and i am really glad that you are making it possible for us to express our feelings in an uncensored way.

riana

[Has As Been Changed - Or Is Just Me?]

i'm using the "spring" skin, and it's the same here, too....... hmmm. i dont like it, either.

[Ready To Say Hello]

hey anna

welcome back! i usually dont stop by in this section very much, but i really like your screenname. it's sad and true.

you really dont sound to me like someone who would upset others here! it's ok, of course, if you are not comfortable posting, but i'd like to encourage you to just try it out every now and then and see how you feel about it.

and hey, everybody who's new does not know anybody here; and we were all new some day. the community is used to seeing new names every day - and i do think that most people feel welcome and like they are part of the group here pretty soon. (i did.)

wishing you all the best

riana

[Email Notifications]

bettyboop

i think that's a good idea.

when i was checking into my email account from work (where people might be looking over my shoulder), this actually made me uncomfortable, too.

i dont think it would have anything to do with silencing to be more discrete in the email name.

riana

[Hello Again]

hey kendra

welcome back, hun!

i am glad you have come here for support now that new things are coming for you.

riana

[It Has Been A Long Time My Dears.]

chasm,

how good to hear that things have turned out so great for you!

and it is really nice that you are coming back to give support now!

welcome back!!

riana

[Secondary Survivors On The Relationships Board?]

So I'm looking at this and trying to figure out what to say, because I am with Wolfie that I would like some input on relationships from secondaries.

What if we gave secondaries access to all forums? I'm not saying they could read all the posts, because looking at this reply thing there are three little check boxes down there, can we add a fourth one for "Enable viewing by Secondary Survivors"? That way survivors can choose whether or not they want secondaries to see, and secondaries can still go around helping people who do want help from them without being cornered by the number of forums they are allowed to see.

Idk if its possible or not, just a thought.

i had been thinking about this option, too...... but for one, i assume it would be pretty tricky technically....? but also, i think it would be really confusing for us; cause that would mean that not only the original poster but also everybody who replies would always have to check for who this particular thread is visible....... i think it would impact the feeling of being able to just speak freely for many.

i explicitly appreciate the presence of secondary survivors here, and i often would like for them to be able to participate more here...... but i have come to the conclusion that i personally prefer it the way it is now.

willard..... it might be just me.... but to me, your post is pretty offensive! for one, i personally dont struggle with any of those things that you mention. so please dont say "survivors" are x, y or z; that sounds like a pretty rough generalization, and it is simply inaccurate. and then...... you know..... the thing about trust is: it is given. not demanded. maybe think about that. - and the way you act as if you knew more about healing than we do (and as if you knew how this board works for us, and imply that we are not "honest" or "open" here bc things are not visible to you), well, sorry but that is just plain rude and actually quite typical of the ignorance and arrogance that some of our secondaries tend to display. - and btw..... lewis carroll actually may have been an offender. seriously, look it up on wiki or somewhere. "alice" was modelled after a girl he actually knew. well... look it up.

[Why Is The Page So Slow?]

ok, i am delighted to say: whatever it was, it has fixed itself.

this morning it still was not, but now everything is back to normal!

[Why Is The Page So Slow?]

karen, thanks for letting me know - glad i am not the only one.....

i just deleted cookies and it might be a little better now (? ) but it is definitely not normal yet. i dont think it's a virus because this only happens with AS.

i feel like it is sth about the AS server..... maybe some changes were made to it so that it does this now to certain computers?!?! (no idea if that is even possible.....)

my browser gives me the message "waiting for aftersilence.org/etc....... " in the bottom left corner while it shows me that loading bar.

maybe anyone who knows some more about this tech stuff could help me out?

thank you!!!

[Why Is The Page So Slow?]

thank you for the info, possum.

hmm. it already happens when i just type the web address into the browser and when it first loads. and it is actually closer to 20 seconds. per click. which means i cannot reasonably use it.

this has not always been this way, just for a few days now, i think, and i am not aware of having changed anything on my computer. i tried logging out and in again, aswell as using a different browser, but no difference.

does anybody have any idea how i can fix this?!?!!

[Why Is The Page So Slow?]

hey,

so for a few days, i think, i have noticed that everything on here takes foreeeeever to load. i mean, whenever i click on anything here, it takes a good 5-10 seconds until the page comes up. anything, a forum, a topic, whatever.

it's not that way with other websites, even when i use the same browser; so it's not my internet connection.

is it the AS server (?!?! i have no idea what that really is) that suddenly got slow, or......?

do other people have this problem?

is it gonna pass?

thanks for any info.

[Facebook And After Silence?]

Whoever is running the group would have to be friends with the others to invite them, which would show to their friends.

is that so with private groups?

i actually remembered there was a group and looked for it a while ago, but did not find it. so i think it should be posted somewhere here if other people want to join.... cause since it's secret, well, nobody can know about it.

possum, i understand your concern about privacy. i personally do not want to add just whoever is on AS to my fb friends. i only add those who i feel i know on a personal basis already, and who i would call, well, friends.

even if you join such a group, you can still protect your privacy from potentially malicious members. i have my settings so that only my friends can see my friends list, for example. some goes with all other info you mention.

and i think it is definitely time to have some official AS representation on fb.

[Can One Of The Mods Give Us A More Detailed Description Of The Take To The Sky Forum]

thank you, karen. i think the description posted in that forum is not really clear though, hence the confusion.

here's what i understand from your reply, please correct me if i'm wrong:

it is for positive topics that we feel reflect our progress / achievements in healing?

it is not for discussing problems that people who have been healing for a long time still have?

and it is not for encouraging others directly and giving healing tips? (considering which posts have been moved)

just asking to clarify.

riana

[Sexist Remarks]

That was my understanding as well, but it seems to have been turned into a "who is worse" argument that ignores the clear intent of the thread while continuing to subtly promote generalizations. Can we just not do it and save the political points for blogs and commentaries outside of healing spaces?

Ugh.

so, i've actually been quite proud of myself for staying out of this discussion bc i really dont like to come on here to argue with anybody, and these discussions seem to always somehow progress into open hostility.

but i think i really need to comment on this statement because i find it unfair.

i assume it is directed towards annie?

well, i just have to say that i dont find her sexist. i do not agree that she is "promoting sexism" or violating terms of service, as you have been accusing her! i actually find it unfair to throw such accusations into someone's face who clearly takes a different approach to looking at this whole issue than you do, which is her right. cause not everybody has to look at the world the way you do.

from what i understand, you, james, say that sexual violence is committed by individuals who obviously all have a gender, but they also have hair colors and body types and what not, and since gender is not a causal factor (people dont commit sexual violence because they are male or female or blonde or whatever), it should not be considered relevant. it's valid to have this perspective.

but really.... calling someone sexist simply because she quotes (and even provides sources for) research studies that look at the whole GROUP of sex offenders (and explicitly NOT at individuals, so it's simply very different from what you choose to do, but just as valid).... well, this is just something i really disagree with.

you can doubt the validity of the findings, of course. it would be more convincing to me personally if these doubts were not hypothetical or supposedly "self-evident" but if you or anybody else actually looked at the individual studies and pointed out precise methodological concerns. (which i am sure has been done, and usually is done even by the authors themselves. maybe just start reading the discussion sections of these studies and see how many of your concerns are addressed right there. i dont know, i have not read any of those studies yet, but i do intend to.)

and i find that the "all statistics lie anyway" argument is a very poor one. of course they dont tell the Absolute Truth, but really.... they usually dont claim to!!!!

for the record: annie was not saying that all men are rapists or that all muslims are terrorists. and people kinda make it sound like she did. and i really dont like that.

i find it very scary indeed when i see sth like....... hmm..... a general "consensus" among a number of posters that goes kind of like "WE say xxyyyzzzz, which obviously means that WE are the good guys here!!!" who are then pointing fingers at somebody else who has a different approach to the topic, but who, in this case, is NOT saying that only men rape or that all men rape, who is NOT "promoting" any kinds of generalizations (as if she were following a hidden agenda or sth! ), and who is NOT mean, evil, or anything like that, either!!!

maybe you can re-read what she is saying. i really dont find her offensive. but i find your responses to her offensive. which is why i felt the need to say sth.

other than that...... like i said, i really dont want to argue with anybody. and i really think i'll stay out of this discussion - again - from now on. i probably should not even come here to read. :-/

sigh.

[A Child "pornography" Thread]

You weren't at all harsh rise

karen

ashley-michelle, i think that's a good suggestion. it may be helpful to explain in the first post there what exactly is meant (and maybe why the more common term "child pornography" was not used.)

[A Child "pornography" Thread]

thanks, karen.

i hope my post above did not sound like i was criticizing anyone here. i get so upset about this topic and how it is treated by the general public.... so that's where the emotion comes from. but i definitely was not upset about anything or anybody here. (hope it did not come across as if i were, and if so, then i'm really sorry.)

an alternative term that describes it well, i think, is "images of child abuse". but not sure how to make a thread title out of that.

again, sorry if i sounded harsh.

riana

[A Child "pornography" Thread]

hey all,

i suggested to a mod a while ago to add a thread about child "pornorgraphy" to the sexual assault types forum. she said she would pass on my request, but i have not seen or heard anything about it since then, so i thought i'd just bring it up here to check in with the mods/admins.

i put "pornography" in quotation marks bc i see nothing "pornographic" about it, and i personally even think to call it "pornography" mocks the victims. however, it is the most widespread term for it, so i use it to be clear about what i mean.

i would suggest asking the survivors of this kind of abuse what title they would want to have for that thread.

i personally, thankfully, was never put through this, but many of my dear friends on here have, and i have seen them discuss their feelings about it several times here on the board. i was thinking it would be good to give them a place to discuss and connect with each other.

also, this kind of criminal exploitation of children is such a terrible reality in our society and it is of massive relevance. it really upsets me how little discussed it is in society, and it shocks me, quite frankly, that it is not even "officially represented" on our board, alongside the other crimes of sexual nature. it's as if the taboo even extends to here. and that's just not right.

thanks,

riana

[Female Mods In The Male Forum?]

i actually had been wondering about this for a while..... i agree that it must be not ok for the male members.

the most obvious solution would be to add a male member to the mod squad? that may be a good idea for other reasons, too.

[Finding Beauty In Life Again]

dear kait

welcome to AS!

your writing is so powerful. i know how it is to hate the person in the mirror, wanting to punch her.

i am glad you have good people in your life. and that you can see beauty again.

i try to look for beauty every day. it is what gets me through, too.

safe if ok

riana

[A "view Unreplied Posts" Button?]

i like this suggestion.

[Further To My Closed Thread]

((((reyzl))))

((((becky))))

it is so sad to see people (anyone) being hurt by all this.

this guideline has been in place for some time now - the reason being that some time back some members were adding new parts to their story on an almost daily basis - even just a couple of words - this meant that members who were posting their story for the first time would have their post knocked down on the main page - some members would have pages of story with very many replies - where as others would only have one or two replies - it was extremely hard for these members in that they felt ignored and that their story was not as important

((((karen)))), thank you for explaining this. i genuinely did not see the point before, but i do get it now.

i know you mods are discussing this now. i am not sure if there is not supposed to be any discussion going on here...... may i as a regular member still add my opinion?

i feel like sharing a story is such a sensitive issue that, in general, it would be best if members had as much freedom there as possible.

i also feel like different people just have different styles, needs, and preferences, so that no matter what the "rule" is, some people would not feel comfortable.

therefore i think it would be best to not have a clear cut rule, but to take a softer and more flexible approach - something like this: members can be encouraged to keep adding to their original thread, especially if additions are close in time, in order to prevent clutter; however, if a member prefers, then they may start a new thread, for example if the original topic lies far back in time, if it is about a different abusive situation (e.g. csa; dv), or for any other reason at the member's discretion, no questions asked and no explanation required.

well.... these are my thoughts, i hope it was ok to voice them.

riana

[Where's My Story Gone?]

karen, you are right, the new part that reyzl wrote was added at the end of that old story thread.

but......

it was just merged?!

i am sorry but i have to say i dont find that very respectful.

many people have lots of threads up in that forum. why was reyzl's suddenly merged?

and to do that without even letting her know.......

not cool, i think. sorry.

in general, i think people should be able to tell their story the way they want.

i have actually started using the "view new posts" function and agree it is convenient; but several times i have felt like not really all new posts appear there....... recently a friend of mine actually added to her old story and i did not notice it even though i did use that function. even if i just overlooked it.... well, why make it so that people can easily overlook? still nobody has ever said a word to me (and i asked several times in that other thread) why everyone is supposed to just have one thread up there. makes no sense to me.

[Where's My Story Gone?]

wow, this is weird and it sucks.....

i hope someone can tell you what is going on!

reyzl.... you know though, right, that.... this is not a "sign".... it does not "mean" anything.... you were right to tell your story, hun. this is some weird technical glitch and someone will figure it out.

and

riana