for me personally i'm a little afraid of getting out of the hole (i know that sounds stupid). the hole if familiar, i know every bumbp, crack, and dark corner...beginning to heal is uncharted territory for me. i feel more anxiety now that i am letting people in and seeking help than i did when i was alone in my hole. in the hole i had control. when i disclose to someone that control is gone. i have forever altered the way that they will see me, scary prospect. i've spent sooooo much time and energy into cultivating the "i'm fine, how are you?" mask that letting it go is daunting.
the leadership at our church is men whose attitude toward healing is mostly directive or directed, i'm sorry, i forgot what it was called. which for me personally was almost hurtful because i interpreted it as a just get over it attitude.
after finding this board and the people who are so wise in their counsel and compassionate in their responses i can feel myself coming out of the hole (again, not that this a comfortable feeling) taking the hands of so many who have come before and being able to reach behind me is such a powerful thing.
well, to make a long story even longer i have gone to the leadership of our church given my testimony and asked that money be allocated in the budget for training so that we can better help not just our church members, but people in the community.
what amazed me is that after these people "found out about me" they still liked me, listened to me, asked me to lunch, laughed at my lame jokes, and looked me in the eyes, in short, nothing changed...with the exception that when i'm having a tough time they are aware that it might go beyond the fact that my 3 year old isn't potty trained.
we are now looking at what we as a church body can do to minister to the secondary survivors, but there doesn't seem to be much guidance out there.