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Rosebudish

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    Survivor
  1. Need Advice

    Thank you for your responce. I have thought of writing him, many times. I imagine I'll do nothing in the long run, his mom and I have talked and I've told her how important it is to be there, validate his fears, feelings, and listen (without reactions if she can). It's a fine line, fighting my anger in how dare someone hurt him and wanting to reach out to him and knowing what a private matter it is and that he might be horrified if he knew I knew fearing it would push him farther. I've told my friend she can tell him about me, if she finds an open window and let him know I'll be there for him if he wished to talk, I guess that's all I should do. I think I might finally be healing myself, at 40 something. Normally this type of thing would send me into pushing people away, searching my current and past, and quite possibly ruin the holiday season for my family with outward anger (hidden in sharp remarks and intolerance), but I'm actually okay, or better. The above post was my way to let it out..... writing (as you said) does wonders. I'll keep this young man in my daily prayers, be the supportive friend, and wait, he may need me someday.
  2. Need Advice

    I guess no one has any more answers than I did. I feel for this young man..... I love this young man like my son but sadly in this situation, I don't know what to say or not say. I thought here I'd find a reasonable answer for some approach......... but alas it has not come. For me, the worst part of my abuse was that my family shoved it under the rug, asked my why I let it happen, and essentially made me feel like I caused it. I spent a good 30 years running, ducking, and hiding from my feelings, the one who abused me, reliving my "wonderful" childhood in acting out in many ways, and years avoiding getting to close to anyone. I've tortured myself feeling I don't deserve to be happy.... pushing away people and revisiting why it is I do that. All the therapy in the world hasn't stopped me from feeling like I, somehow, deserve to be pushed aside. I put a lot of effort, when I was 19, to stay with a physically abusive man, 7 years on and off in an affair with "the one" that I truly thought cared and was compatible with me while knowing no man who won't leave his wife but sticks by his confused "girlfriend" who pops in and out of his life is not looking for "the one" but a way to add excitement to his own boring life. What was I thinking? I saw him the other day, still seems like, like maybe he was the "one" while I was shopping with the one who has stuck by me through all my torment for 20 years. If he even knew it would crush him........ all while trying to avoid getting to close to someone, anyone, because I still somehow feel being pushed aside, dismissed somehow is how I should be treated. I've put my sights into stop pushing people aside especially my husband, focusing on me, my future, and not what my parents thought I about me or how they felt I somehow caused my abuse. It's a journey a continual journey that I would like to stop dealing with? Anyway, geeze, guess I had a lot to say today, maybe I'm just pushing my thoughts onto this young man's experience. Maybe by getting the validation I didn't will keep his self worth intact. I know my friend loves her boy and will be there for him.........
  3. Need Advice

    My feelings exactly....... I'm torn .... I'm going to do a bit of shopping and will return later. I've been sitting on this for a month, and still haven't come up with an answer. I just hate to see another human life screwed up by those thoughts to creep in and mess up one's head..... as mine do in times of dispare. I just want to reach out to him and give him the support Iwasn't given when it was me, but fear him feeling worse by me knowing....... ugh!
  4. Need Advice

    Hi, it's been quite awhile sense my last post, I've been doing ok...... I do need some advice on how to proceed with a friend's son. He was "attacked" is how he put it but an older man at college. I have no other details but he has sense stopped going to school, blew off an entire sememster, and did say he "didn't want to leave the house or see anyone so he didn't go to class". He called the police, and we've seen the police blotter to confirm that, but said "they didn't come back"when asked if he filed the report. He has sense, dropped out of school and wishes to join the Army, but essentially has shut out his family, lied, has no money (that we know of), and well, basically is changing. We all know what that's about....... or I can speculate. Do I reach out and tell him I know, that I've been abused and how it wasn't his fault.....etc. Do I dare? His mother is my best friend and she favers on if she'd like me to reach out. I don't wish to cause more family pain, but I fear this young man is (21) is running and could become yet another messed up person due to someone's sickness. Help!!!
  5. The Inner Child Thread

    Inner child, It's okay, your safe! That's all I want to say. Just felt I needed to tell her that.... and myself.
  6. Could I Introduce Myself?

    Welcome aboard! Life events have lead us all here for one reason or another. You'll find many supportive people here.
  7. Get To Know Each Other

    1)The infamous, what's your favorite color? navy blue 2) What's your favorite animal? cat..... purrrrrrr 3) If you could meet one person, dead or alive, who would you want to meet? Jesus, so did all that really happen? 4) If you could turn into any animal for a day, what animal would you turn into and what would you do? an eagle 5) If you could have any job what would it be? wow, I have no clue, maybe a life gaurd....hahah. guess I'd be a teacher if I had to do it over. 6) If you could be any age for the rest of your llife, what age would you want to be? I'll pass on this one, would hate to get stuck in one that was a bad year.....lol 7) What's your favorite smiley? 8) Are you an early bird or a night owl? both, sadly, it makes for some tired inbetweens 9) What's your favorite holiday? Christmas, I love the joyful spirit people are in 10) If you were stranded on a desert island and could only have one thing with you, what would you bring? wow, huh, I have no idea........ I want 7 things.... seeds for food, paper and pencil, a quilt for comfort, a knife, matches, and lip gloss for those oh so dry lips I'd have. 11) What's your favorite food? soup and salad 12) If you could spend one day doing anything you wanted to, no matter how much it cost or anything, how would you spend that day? I'd love to go sailing 13) If you could be an actor/actress in any movie, what movie would you want to be in? none that I can think of, I dont' watch many movies 14) If you could have your hair any color, what color would it be? red like it is 15) What's your favorite sport to watch? football 16) What's your favorite sport to play? football
  8. Hi- I'm New Here

    Okay, now I'm the idot...haha. I didnt' say how it worked.... it's live chat. Just like any other chat room on the net, you can pm (private message) which is like an IM.
  9. Hi- I'm New Here

    Your not an idot.... I had that same thing.... how huh, where is it. Anyway, it's on the top of the menu bar. See it next to view new post, control panel, then you will see Live Chat. Click that and it will take you there. Welcome to AS.
  10. Hi New Here

    I'm sorry your hurting and were hurt. Many of us have been right where you are. I hope you find this place as comforting as I have. Please know your not alone, we are listening.
  11. What Did You Do For You Today?

    I didn't let hubby drag me into the game. For me that's a major accomplishment!!! I did that for me, not him. I wasn't in the mood to get into the "us" discussion, so I didn't. I wasn't rude, I wasn't mean, and I wasn't about to explain my feelings again for the 120000000000000000 time. So I came over to my mother's, where she's out of town to work on her computer. Feeling pretty calm these day and loving it!
  12. The Inner Child Thread

    [i wrote that without reading the other posts. I guess I took it in another direction, but a direction that works for me. I always felt like I was a victim, in most all aspects of life. I didnt' feel like I was the one making the choices, but that the choices I'd made had gone wrong because of someone else's choices. It's that I make choices from that inner child... that little 7 (funny how that is a common age) year old girl who was first touched and scared. I made choices looking for her saftey.... her security.....not adult choices, but either fun fun choices or choices based on childish views. When those choices turn sour, my inner child is then that 14 or 15 year old who's mad at the world because no one listened to her and blamed her for the events that made her so scared. Everyone is out to get that inner child in her view. Sadly, the adult in me, and the teen trying to make it all go away internalizes anger or someone's shortcomings as somehow directed to her and acts out like a typical teen. It's my husbands fault for making me sorry I married him..... no it's my fault for marrying him for the wrong reason, saftey, I thought he'd never hurt me and I've spend most of our marriage mad because he did then mad that I wanted out, then guilty because I wanted out....... it's a whole ball of wax. My inner child was taught that she was worthless so guilt makes it feel better, but it's not better in any way. It's ugly, I think the guilt side of me is uglier than the anger....and the guilt comes from the adult me. I'm angry as hell that no one ever hugged me and told me it was going to be okay.....I've spent my life trying to find that someone. It's not in someone else, it's in me. It's okay to not like the way my husband treats me, though if I loose that guilt for my anger, maybe I won't see it so bad. That is yet to see. Maybe now that I have told the inner child in me it's not her fault, dont' be afraid, and never feel guilty for what your feeling, maybe then I can come to terms with other issues. yes, it's all part of the healing....... and I'm very glad I have that inner child, she makes me proud...... she survived all the years, not so effectively does she speak, but she speaks none the less. I gave her a big hug, let her cry on my shoulder and saw her smile for the first time in many many years.
  13. The Inner Child Thread

    Today, my inner child is happy. She is finally feeling like she can stop hiding again! She got angry with me for allowing her to feel the anger and react like she sometimes does. I've hugged her and told her it was okay to be angry, okay to be furious for that matter, and okay not to feel bad about it. I told her it was okay to not want to be what everyone else wants her to be, and it's okay if she doesn't want to put up with some things anymore. It's okay, she doens't have to feel guilty for wanting more. She's happy that I have again, let her off the guilt hook. (funny but I never addressed my inner child, but someone told me to write myself a letter. I didnt' see what use it would be, but I awoke telling myself that it was okay to feel the way I felt. I stuff anger and turn it into guilt, just like that little girl did when everyone ignored what had happend and blamed her. I've spend most of my adult life wavering between strong independent and totally washed up and anxious. When I feel anger I get anxious, then feel guilty for feeling anger.... you get the drift. I just want to say I am finally at peace with myself for the first time in over a year. It feels good!!)
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